Q: What is the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?
A: Lipstick
Author: admin
Blonde quickies 2
Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They both get fucked up when they’re on their back.
Q: How do you make a blonde’s eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde’s been using the computer?
A: There’s white-out on the screen.
Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
A: You don’t know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.
Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn’t like it ‘cos she couldn’t get channel 9….
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
Desert Island
A blonde was stranded on a desert island so she swims half way back to the main land gets tired so she turns around and swims back.
You Might Be A Redne
You might be a redneck if…someone yells “HO-DOWN” and your wife hits the floor.
No Card
Two proctologists are discussing their most baffling cases.
One proctologist tells the other one about the time he put his hand into a patient and pulled out a large bouquet of flowers.
The other proctologist looked really amazed and asked, “Where did those flowers come from?”
The other proctologist answered very cooly, “How should I know. There wasn’t any card!!”
fun in class
The teacher asked a student:
Robot,do you know where Mt.Everestis?,the talllest mountain in
the world?
The student said:
I am sorry teacher,i don’t know where it is.
The teacher said angrily:
You fool ,”stand up on the chair !!!
The obident student stood up on the chair in the astonishing
manner and said:
Teacher,”can i see Mt.Everest by standing in the chair???????”
Each player shall furnish his own equipment…
Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play — normally one club and two balls.Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out of the hole.For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft.Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.Course owners reserve the right to restrict the length of the club to avoid damage to the hole.The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that the play is complete.Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course.The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course, with special attention to well formed bunkers.Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played on or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played.Upset course owners have been known to damage a player’s equipment for this reason.Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear along, just in case.Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played on for the first time.Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing what they consider to be a private course.Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times.Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair.Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation.More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case. Players are advised to obtain the course owner’s permission before attempting to play the back nine.Slow play is encouraged; however, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owner’s request.It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.The course owner will be the sole judge of who is the best player.**WARNING** Players are advised to think twice before considering membership at a given course. Additional assessments may be levied by the course owner and the rules are subject to change. For this reason, many players prefer to continue to play several different courses.
Problem with a dog
Police officer: Excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle.Dog owner: Are you crazy? My dog can’t even ride a bicycle.
Why do we say something
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
That is amazing!!
The Polish were upset because of their bad reputation. A group of them got
together and approached a conference of Americans, Germans, and Japanese and
asked for help on this matter. An American replied, “You must do something so
the world will respect you. The Japanese are known for their technology and the
Germans are known for their resourcefulness. We Americans have had respect since
we helped win the World War against the other two. See, you need to do something
world-famous.” A German added,” Yes, he’s right. Why don’t you find a place in
this world in need of a bridge that no one has dared build, build it, come back
to us, and we will help publicize it.”
With that, the Polish set off to build their bridge. They designed it and
worked 6 months and finally completed it. They then went back to report it to
the group. The bridge was a beautiful bridge but it had one flaw: it was erected
in the middle of the Sahara Desert. An American said, “No, no. See, that is why
you have your reputation. There is no need for a bridge in the middle of the
desert. Now go and dismantle it, and find a more strategic spot to erect it.”
The Polish returned to the conference in two weeks. One of the Japanese said,
“Two weeks! It only took you two weeks to dismantle that bridge and build a new
one??? That is amazing!!” To which a Polish man replied, “Well, not exactly.
When we returned to the bridge we couldn’t dismantle it because there were all
these Italians fishing off it.”
Pecock
A guy walked into the barber shop, and saw this teenager has his orange
and yellow hair straight up in the air. This guy couldn’t help to staring
at the teen. The teen asked, “What are you looking at?” The guy replied,
“I’ve done some pretty stupid things before.” The teen asked, “Like what?”
“Well, I screwed a pecock and I was just wondering if you were my kid!”
said the guy.
El marido le dice a
El marido le dice a su mujer:
“�Me podr�as avisar, por favor, cuando tengas un orgasmo?”
“�Pero cari�o, si me dijiste que no pod�a llamarte al trabajo!”
***
Una pareja est� en un restaurante. El le dice a ella:
“Mira, la chica del vestido rojo me est� sonriendo.”
“�Ya! La primera vez que te vi, yo tambi�n me orin� de la risa.”
***
Mar�a, prom�teme que cuando me muera te casar�s con Antonio.
“�Pero, si es tu peor enemigo!”
“�Pues por eso, que se joda!”
***
Ad�n y Eva paseaban por el para�so. Y Eva pregunta:
“Ad�n, �me amas?”
Y Ad�n refunfu�ando:
“�Tengo otra alternativa?”
***
Le pregunta un peque�o a su padre:
“Pap�, �por qu� te casaste con mam�?”
“T� tampoco te lo explicas, �verdad?”