Q. Why is a woman’s pussy like a warm toilet seat?
A. They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.
Author: admin
Poor O’l Zeek
Here in Kentucky, you don’t see too many people hang-gliding. Ol’ Zeek decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He takes off running and reaches the edge–into the wind he goes!
Meanwhile, Maw & Paw Hicks were sittin’ on the porch swing talkin bout the good ol days when maw spots the biggest bird she ever seen!
“Look at the size of that bird, Paw!” she exclaims.
Paw raises up,” Git my gun, Maw.”
She runs into the house, brings out his pump shotgun.
He takes careful aim. BANG…BANG…..BANG…..BANG! The monster size bird continues to sail silently over the tree tops.
“I think ya missed him, Paw,” she says.
“Yeah,” he replies, “but at least he let go of ol’ Zeek!”
Suffocation: Farting in a spacesuit….
Suffocation: Farting in a spacesuit.
If you were in the President’s place. . .
Nominated for quote of the year is this statement made by Dick Armey, R-Texas. When asked if he were in the President’s place, would he resign, he responded: ”If I were in the President’s place I would not get a chance to resign. I would be lying in a pool of my own blood, hearing Mrs. Armey standing over me saying, ‘How do I reload this damn thing?”
At the Lumberyard
Some men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the men walked in the office and said, “We need some four-by-twos.”
The clerk said, “You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?”
The man said, “I’ll go check,” and went back to the truck. He returned in a minute and said, “Yeah, I meant two-by-fours.”
“Alright. How long do you need them?” The customer paused for a minute and said, “I’d better go check.”
After awhile, the customer returned to the office and said, “A long time. We’re gonna build a house.”
Cajun’s wife
One Cajun is working on his boat. Two other Cajuns came up and said,
“Boudreaux! We got some good news an’ some bad news for’ you.”
Boudreaux said, “Oh! Give me dat bad news foist.”
� We just come down from ad bayou. You wife she floating’ face down in it —
she dead!”
Boudreaux said, “No! No! Oh man… dat terrible news. Watt da good news?”
� She had over two dozen blue crabs on her! We gonna run her again in the
morning’!”
New Tires
A man had a habit of buying things immediately after reading the ads about the products in the paper. Naturally, his wife was not too happy about it. One day the man read an ad about a sale on steel-belted radial tires. He jumped up, exclaiming that he would quickly buy four tires while the sale was on.
The wife complained, ?I don’t know what’s wrong with you. You are going to buy four expensive tires when you’ve got a crappy old car??
The man replied, ?Don’t make such a big deal about it! I don’t complain when you buy new bras, do I??
An engineer, a mathmatician and an arts graduate
An engineer, a mathmatician and an arts graduate were given the task of
finding the height of a church steeple (the first to get the correct solution
wins a $1000).
The engineer tried to remember things about differential pressures, but
resorted to climbing the steeple and lowering a string on a plumb bob until it
touched the ground and then climbed down and measured the length of the string.
The Mathematician layed out a reference line, measured the angle to the top of
the steeple from both ends and worked out the height by trigonometry.
However, the arts graduate won the prize. He bought the vicar a beer in the
local pub and he told him how high the church steeple was.
Ever notice how many of women’s problems can…
Ever notice how many of women’s problems can be traced to the male gender?
MENstruation
MENopause
MENtal breakdown
GUYnecology
HIMmorrhoids
Giving the folks free reign
On their 25th anniversary, a husband took his wife out to dinner. Their teenage daughters said they’d have dessert waiting for them when they returned.After they got home, they saw that the dining room table was beautifully set with china, crystal and candles, and there was a note that read: “Your dessert is in the refrigerator. We are staying with friends, so go ahead and do something we wouldn’t do!””I suppose,” the husband responded, “we could vacuum.”
Chicken ain’t chicken
Why did the chicken cross the road?
‘Cause he freakin’ felt like it!
The Eternal Question
If a man says something in the woods and no woman hears him, is he still wrong? Only if he is silly enough to repeat what he just said!