Author: admin

A woman approaches her priest and tells him,
‘Father, I have a problem. I have two talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.’

‘What do they say?’ the priest inquires.

‘They only know how to say, “Hi, we’re prostitutes. Want to have some fun?”‘

‘That’s terrible,’ the priest exclaims, ‘but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots that I taught to pray and recite the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship.’

‘Thank you,’ the woman responds.

The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest’s house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The woman puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots.

Immediately, the female parrots say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes, want to have some fun?’

One of the male parrots looks over at the other male parrot and says,
‘Put the beads away, our prayers have been answered.’

The two female teens were discussing a news article concerning gasoline fumes causing impotence in the male.

“Aren’t you worried about Tommy’s new job at the gas station?

Those fumes could cause him to lose the lead in his pencil.”

“Doesn’t matter.” giggled the other girl. “He doesn’t do all my writing anyway.”

About a century or two ago, the Pope challenged the Jewish community of Rome
to a debate.

The Jews looked around for a champion who could defend their faith, but no one
wanted to volunteer. It was too risky. So they finally picked an old man named
Moishe who spent his life sweeping up after people to represent them. Being old
and poor, he had less to lose, so he agreed. He asked only for one addition to
the rules of debate. Not being used to saying very much, he asked that neither
side be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed.

The day of the great debate came. Moishe and the Pope sat opposite each other
for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a
circle around his head. Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope
pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled out an apple. The Pope
stood up and said, “I give up. This man is too good. The Jews win.”

An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what
happened. The Pope said, “First I held up three fingers to represent the
Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger, to remind me that there was
still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to
show him, that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground,
showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the
wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to
remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?”

Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe, amazed that this
old, almost feeble-minded man had done what all their scholars had insisted was
impossible. “What happened?” they asked.

“Well,” said Moishe, “first he said to me that the Jews had three days to get
out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that
this whole city would be cleared of Jews. I let him know that we were staying
right here.”

“And then?” asked a woman.

“I don’t know,” said Moishe. “He took out his lunch and I took out mine.”

“This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I’d like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic.”If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.”If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off.”If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you.”That’s me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!”