What do brunette girls dress up as on Haloween?
They just stand on their heads and go as dirty mops.
Author: admin
Cross the Road
Q: Why did the auditor cross the road?
A: Because he looked in the file and that’s what they did last year.
What ghost haunts a sports team?…
What ghost haunts a sports team?
Team spririt.
Weiging in3
the last tine your momma saw 90210 was on the scale.
Crucified
Jesus is crucified, hanging on the cross up on a hill. Below the hill there is
a crowd of onlookers, including St. Peter.
“Peter! Peter! I need to tell you something” Jesus cries.
So Peter, devoted to his Lord, breaks from the crowd towards the hill only to
be stopped by a group of Roman soldiers, beat up and thrown back down.
“Peter! Please, I need to tell you something!” Jesus cries.
Again, full of faith and love for Christ, he runs up the hill and almost gets
past the soldiers. But, he’s caught, beat up again and tossed back into the
crowd.
Finally, Jesus screams “Peter, I must tell you something. Please, come to me!”
Peter, sorrowed by his Lord’s suffering, runs up the hill bloody and bruised
and finally makes it past the soldiers. He kneels in front of Jesus: “Here I am
my lord, your faithful servant. What is it that you need to tell me?”
Jesus smiles and says “Yo, I can see my house from up here.”
Yo mammas so fat
yo mamma is so fat she has more rolls than a bakery
Barfing
George was planning on going out with “The Boys” when his wife told him that he wasn’t leaving the house.
George’s Wife: “The last time you went out with your friends you got so drunk that you puked on your shirt.”
George: “But Honey, I promise that I wont drink a drop of alcohol all night!”
So after begging his old lady for an hour, George got the OK the go out with the guys as long as he stayed off of the booze.
George met up with the guys at a local bar and proceeded to get shit-faced. After about 3 hours of guzzling liquor, George blew chow all over his shirt.
George: “Shit! The old lady is going to throw my ass out of the house for getting drunk and puking on my new shirt!”
Bill, George’s best pal, gave drunk ass George an idea of how to keep from getting in trouble with the wife.
Bill: “All you got to do is have a $20 bill in your hand when you walk through the door. Then, when she accuses you of barfing all over yourself, just tell her that some other drunk puked on you and that he gave you 20 bucks to get the shirt cleaned.”
So, when drunk ass George walked into the house with money in hand, his wife was waiting for him in the living room.
Georges wife: “I knew that your drunk ass would spew bile and booze all over that new shirt!”
George: “Honey, let me explain! This drunken fool at the bar puked on me and gave me 20 bucks to have it cleaned.”
His wife snatched the money out of his hand and observed that he was holding two $20 bills.
George’s wife: “Is that so? Then where did the other 20 dollar bill come from?”
George: “Oh, That’s from the guy who shit in my pants.”
Buggy
Yo mama so fat, When she go’s into the Grocery store she has to get a Duelly Buggy.
Restroom Study
A PSYCHOLOGICAL STUDY OF TYPES OF MEN IN THE REST ROOM
——————————————————
EXCITABLE Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts.
SOCIABLE Joins friends in piss, if he has to or not.
NOSEY Looks into urinal to see how other guy is fixed.
CROSSEYED Looks into urinal to the left, pisses into one in the middle,
flushes the one on the left.
TIMID Cannot urinate if someone is watching. Flushes urinal as
if he had gone, sneaks back later.
INDIFFERENT All urinals are being used, he pisses in sink.
CLEVER No hands, shows off by fixing tie, looks around, pisses on
the floor.
WORRIED Is not sure of what he has been doing lately, makes quick
inspection.
FRIVOLOUS Plays stream up and down urinal, tries to hit fly.
ABSENT MINDED Opens vest, pulls on tie, pisses in pants.
DISGUSTED Stands for awhile, gives up, walks away.
SNEAK Farts silently while leaking, acts innocent, hopes that the
man in the next stall will be blamed.
CHILDISH Leaks directly into urinal bottom, likes to see the bubbles.
PATIENT Stands very close for a long time, reads newspaper with his
other hand.
EFFICIENT Waits till he has to take a crap, then does both.
TOUGH Bangs dong against urinal to dry it off.
FAT Has to stand back to take a long blind shot at urinal, misses
and pisses in shoe.
LITTLE Stands on box, falls in urinal, drowns.
DRUNK Holds left thumb in right hand, pisses in pants.
WITHDRAWN Places feet in urinal, pisses down leg, thus eliminating noise.
IMPATIENT Always in a hurry, pisses down back of guy using urinal in
front of him.
the blonde and the r
What is the diference between a blonde and a rooster?A rooster says cockle-doodle-doo A blonde says any-cockle-doo
Yo mama is so stupid
Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!
Ho! Ho! Ho!
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both
male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year,
male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter,
usually late November to mid December.
Female reindeer retain their antlers until after they give birth
in the spring. Therefore, according to every historical
rendition depicting Santa’s reindeer, every single one of them,
from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.
We should have known. Only women would be able to drag a fat ass
in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not
get lost.