Bush and Saddam

Saddam Hussein and President George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When George sits down, he notices 3 buttons on the side of Saddam’s chair.

They begin talking. After about 5 minutes, Saddam presses the first button.

A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Bush in the face. Confused, Bush carries on talking as Saddam laughs.

A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Bush carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the 2 countries. But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush in the privates, he’s finally had enough, knowing that he can’t do much else but say “I’m going back home!” he tells the Iraqi. “We’ll finish these talks in two weeks!”

Two weeks pass and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. Asthe 2 men sit down, Hussein notices 3 buttons on Bush’s chair and prepares himself for the American’s revenge.

They begin talking and Saddam is uncooperative, Bush presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. Bush snickers.

A few seconds later, as Hussein continues his belligerence, Bush presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Bush roars with laughter.

As things progress, then the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.

“Forget this,” says Saddam. “I’m going back to Baghdad!”

Bush then says through tears of laughter, “What Baghdad?”

En una platica entre amigos,

En una platica entre amigos, Miguel, un tipo que presum�a de muy seductor les dice a sus amigos:

“�Recuerdan a Sonia? Yo me la cog�”

Todos se asombran, menos Pepe que s�lo se limita a decir: “�No puede ser!”.

El tipo contin�a: “�Recuerdan a Lorena? Tambi�n me la avent�.”

De nuevo el asombro, y de nuevo la exclamacion de Pepe: “�No puede ser!”

“Y recueradan a…”, segu�a diciendo el tipo 5 o 6 nombres de chicas seducidas y con la misma exclamaci�n de Pepe: “�No puede ser!”.

Miguel se percata de ello, y le pregunta a Pepe: “�Por qu� dices eso? �No me crees?

“No, s� te creo… �Pero entre tu y tu mujer se van a coger a todo el pueblo!”

Going to the Bar…NOT!!!

This couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn’t wait to go out into town and party, so he says to his new bride, “Honey, I’ll be right back…” “Where are you going coochi cooh…?” asks his wife. “I’m going to the bar, pretty face. I’m going to have a beer.” replies the husband. The wife puts her hands on her hips and says to him, “You want a beer my love…?” Then she opens the door to the refrigerator and shows him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries.The husband doesn’t know what to do, and the only thing that he can think of saying is: “Yes, loolie loolie … but the bar … you know … the frozen glass.” He didn’t get to finish saying the sentence, when the wife interrupts him by saying, “You want a frozen glass puppy face…?” She takes out of the freezer a huge beer mug so frozen that the wife was getting the chills from holding it. The husband looking a bit pale says, “Yes, tootsie roll. But at the bar they have those hoer’s de devours that are really delicious… I won’t be long. I’ll be right back. I promise. OK?” “You want hoer’s de devours poochi pooh..?” She opens the oven and takes out 15 dishes of different hoer’s de devours … chicken wings, pigs in the blanket, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc. “But sweet honey … at the bar … you know … the swearing, the dirty words and all that…” replies the husband in desparation. “You want dirty words cutie pie…? HERE! DRINK YOUR DAMN BEER IN YOUR DAMN FROZEN GLASS AND EAT YOUR DAMN HOER’S DE VOURS, BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE ASSHOLE!

En el circo, el presentador,

En el circo, el presentador, con voz fuerte y emotiva, anuncia la principal atracci�n de la noche:

“Se�oras y se�ores, ni�os y ni�as, a continuaci�n y para cerrar nuestra funci�n de esta noche presentamos… �Al Gran Bertinni!”

Bajo los reflectores, aparece un hombre de complexi�n delgada y atl�tica, mientras el presentador contin�a hablando:

“El Gran Bertinni saltar� desde un trampol�n colocado a una altura de 50 metros y caer� dentro de un barril de agua”.

Dicho esto, el Gran Bertinni se lanza, da una voltereta en el aire y cae dentro del barril. Al instante, sale alzando los brazos en se�al de victoria. El p�blico, sorprendido, estalla en un sinf�n de aplausos y ovaciones.

“A continuaci�n, el Gran Bertinni saltar� desde un trampol�n a una altura de 75 metros y caer� dentro de un balde de agua”.

Entonces, el Gran Bertinni se lanza, da dos volteretas en el aire y cae dentro del balde. Inmediatamente sale alzando los brazos en se�al de victoria. Otra vez, el p�blico, pasmado, estalla en un mar de aplausos y ovaciones.

“A continuaci�n, el Gran Bertinni saltar� desde un trampol�n a una altura de 100 metros y caer� sobre una toalla mojada”.

El p�blico grita entusiasmado. Bertinni sube parsimoniosamente la interminable escalera. Al llegar al final del trampol�n brinca y da tres volteretas en el aire… �Plaf! Un sonido fuerte y seco enmudeci� el circo. De inmediato, Bertinni se levanta, todo magullado y lleno de sangre, reclamando:

“�Qui�n #&%*@ fue el que sec� la toalla?”