Yours Fun Portal !
Why do women wear make up and perfume?
Because they’re often under increasing pressure from a society which oversimplifies the process of ascertaining ones worth and attractiveness by reducing someone down to individual physical attributes.
…or is it because they’re ugly and they smell?
Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.
Dear Dorathy,
Hate OZ, took the shoes, find your own way home.
-TOTO
A Japanese company and an American company decided to have a canoe race. Both
teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.
On the big day the Japanese won by a mile. Afterward, the American team became
very discouraged and morally depressed.
The American management decided the reason for the crushing defeat had to be
found. A Management Team made up of senior management was formed to investigate
and recommend appropriate action. Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people
rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 8 people steering and
one person rowing.
American management hired a consulting company and paid them an incredible
amount of money. They advised that too many people were steering the boat, while
not enough people were rowing. To prevent losing to the Japanese again next
year, the rowing team’s management structure was totally reorganized to 4
steering supervisors, 3 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant
superintendent steering manager. They also implemented a new performance system
that would give the 1 person rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder.
It was called the Rowing Team Quality First Program, with meetings, dinners and
free pens for the rower. We must give the rower the empowerment and enrichments
through this quality program.
The next year the Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated, the American
management laid off the rower for poor performance, halted development of a new
canoe, sold the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for new equipment.
Then they distributed the money saved as bonuses to the senior executives.
BLONDE: “Excuse me, what time is it right now?”WOMAN: “It’s 11:25PM.”BLONDE: (confused look on face) “You know, it’s the weirdest thing, I’ve asked that question thirty times today, and every time someone gives me a different answer.”
Q: How many guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: It can’t be done. They only know how to twist things to the right.
A guy walked inta a bar and said “OUCH”
The wife says: You have to learn to communicate.The wife means: Just agree with me.The wife says: Are you listening to me?The wife means: [Too late, your doomed.]The wife says: YesThe wife means: No
“Rap” is to “music” as “Etch-A-Sketch” is to “fine art”.
The out-of-state couple are camping on the shores of a lake near a tiny hamlet. The young wife, stunningly built, decides to give the local town folk a thrill by sun bathing in the nude.
“That’s OK with me, honey,” says her husband. “I’ll go get some wood for the fire.”
About thirty minutes later, the husband returns to the campsite and finds his wife in tears. One of her breasts has been painted green, the other red and her ass is blue.
“What on earth happened to you dear?” he asks.
“Some of those rednecks from town came over and told me they don’t allow any nakedness around these parts. Then they gave me this paint job!”
“Damn those trouble-makers! I’ll fix them!” the husband shouts.
He rides into town and finds the rednecks in a bar.
“Who is the SOB who painted my wife red, green and blue!” he shouts.
A huge redneck, about 6′-8″, steps forward, a shotgun in his hands. “I did it,” he bellows. “What you got to say about it?”
The husband answers meekly, “I just wanted you to know the first coat of paint is dry.”
This guy decides to join the Navy. On his first day of service, he gets aquatinted with all the facilities around the ship he will be serving on.
The guy asks the sailor showing him around, “What do you guys do around here when you get really horny after months of being out at sea?”, to which the other replies, “Well, there is this barrel on the upper deck, just pump your cock in the side with the hole.”
Weeks pass, and the new guy is getting real horny and remembers the barrel. He goes to the upper deck and sees the barrel.
He then flings his shlong out and starts fucking the barrel. Its simply the best feeling he had ever experienced, it was truly a success!
After he was done, zipped up and merrily walking along, the guy who originally told him about the barrel walks by.
“That barrel really was great! I could do it every day!”
To which the other crew member replies, “Yeah, you can every day except this Thursday.”
Confused, the new guy asks why, to which the other guy replies, “Because its your turn in the barrel on Thursday.”
Morris was removing some engine valves from a car on the lift when he spotted
the famous heart surgeon Dr. Michael DeBakey, who was standing off to the side,
waiting for the service manager.
Morris, somewhat of a loud mouth, shouted across the garage, “Hey DeBakey…
Is that you? Come over here a minute.” The famous surgeon, a bit surprised,
walked over to where Morris was working on a car.
Morris, in a loud voice all could hear, said argumentatively, “So Mr. fancy
doctor, look at this work. I also take valves out, grind ’em, put in new parts,
and when I finish, this baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get the
big bucks, when you and me are doing basically the same work?”
DeBakey, very embarrassed, walked away, and said softly, to Morris, “Try doing
your work with the engine running.”