Yours Fun Portal !
There were 100 nuns in a nunnery and a head nun. one day the
head nun said I’ve done a room check and 99 rooms were perfect
except 1. in that 1 room I found a pair of boxer shorts. 99 nuns
went agrhhh and 1 nun went hehehe.
The head nun carried on and in those boxer shorts I found a
condom. 99 nuns went agrhhhh and 1 nun went hehehe. Hhe head nun
then said ‘and in that condom i found a hole’ and 99 nuns went
hehehe and 1 nun went aggrrrrrhhhhhhhh!!!!!
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it do the other trees make fun of it? Why is a carrot more orange than an orange? When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?? It sounds like a near hit to me!! Who’s bigger? Mr. Bigger or Mr. Bigger’s baby! Mr. Bigger’s baby because he is a little bigger! Do fish get cramps after eating?
What happens when people of different occupations get old.- Old musicians never die, they just get played out.- Old number theorists never die, they just get past their prime.- Old numerical analysts never die, they just get disarrayed.- Old owls never die, they just don’t give a hoot.
Knock KnockWho’s there?Daisy!Daisy who?Daisy plays, nights he sleeps!
One seventh of your life is spent on monday.
Two rednecks, Bubba and Cooter, decided that they weren’t
going anywhere in life and thought they should go to
college to get ahead.
Bubba goes in first, and the professor advises him to take
math, history and logic.
“What’s logic?” asked Bubba.
The professor answered, “Let me give you an example. Do you
own a weed-whacker?”
“I sure do,” answered the redneck.
“Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard,”
replied the professor.
“That’s real good,” the redneck responded in awe.
The professor continued, “Logic will also tell me that
since you have a yard, you also have a house.”
Impressed, the redneck shouted, “AMAZIN’!”
“And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a
wife.”
“Betty Mae! This is incredible!”
“Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume
that you are heterosexual,” said the professor.
“You’re absolutely right! Why, that’s the most fascinatin’
thing I ever heard of! I cain’t wait to take this here
logic class.”
Bubba, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked
back into the hallway where Cooter is still waiting.
“So, what classes are ya takin?” he asks.
“Math, history and logic,” replies Bubba.
Cooter says, “What in tarnation is logic?”
“Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed-eater?”
“No.”
“You’re a queer, ain’t ya?”
A Yankee’s Translation of the Soother�s Vocabulary
We provide this translation of the Soother�s vocabulary in an attempt to teach
them Yankees how to talk rightly.
Ah – The things you see with.
Air – Which came first, the chicken, or the air?
Arn – An electrical instrument used to remove wrinkles from clothing.
Ay-rab – The people who inhabit much of North Africa.
Bawl – What water does.
Bidness – The art of selling something for more than you paid for it.
Bobbycue – A delectable Southern sandwich of chopped pork, cole slaw, and a
fiery sauce.
Bud – Small feathered creature that flies.
Cheer – A piece of furniture used for sitting.
Chekatawfarya – Heard at service stations in small Southern towns.
Co-Cola – Soft drink.
Crine – Weeping.
Dawfins – Name of the professional football team in Miami.
Daints – A more or less formal event in which members of the opposite sex hold
each other and move rhythmically to the south of music.
Doc – A condition caused by the absence of light.
Etlanna – The city General Sherman burned during the war for Southern
independence.
Everthang – All-encompassing.
Far – A state of combustion that produces heat and light.
Foller – Spies and private detectives spend a lot of time doing this.
Git – To acquire.
Goff- A game played with clubs and a little white ball.
Gull – A young female.
Hale – Where General Sherman went for what he did to Etlanna.
Heidi – noun. Greeting
Hep – To aid or benefit.
Hire Yew
Idinit – “Mighty hot today, idinit?”
Keer – To be concerned.
Lieberry – A building containing thousands of literary works.
Moanin – Between daybreak and noon.
Motuhsickle – A two-wheeled missile with a powerful engine.
Munts – The 12 units into which the calendar year is divided.
Nawth – Any part of the country outside of the South.
Nekkid – To be unclothed.
Ovair – In that direction.
Own – Instead of awf.
Phrasin – Very cold.
Pitcher – An image, either drawn or photographed.
Sebmup – Soft drink similar to ginger ale.
Show – “It show is hot today.”
Spearmint – Something scientist do.
Stow – Place where things are sold.
Tal – What you dry off with after you take a share.
Tar – Round inflatable object that sometimes goes flat.
Uhmukin – Someone who lives in the United States of Uhmurka.
Zackly � Precisely
11> Chastity belts require a password rather than a key.
10> Last year’s pitchfork not compatible with this year’s hay.
9> Lord Gates claims he has no memory of any memo describing his intention to “wipeth my arse with the Magna Carta.”
8> The “Good Plague” hoax.
7> Horses routinely stop in mid-stride, and require a boot to the rear to start again.
6> The Microsoft Rack would work, but it would be 3 times larger than it should be and never completely kill anyone.
5> Forget about William Tell; William Gates shoots Apple off the head of Steve Jobs.
4> Use of a large, clumsy broadsword instead of yet-to-be-invented scissors helps explain Lord Bill’s haircut.
3> Archbishop of Canterbury gets hit in the face with a pie.
2> Stained Glass Windows MCCCXXXXV actually not released until Spring of MCCCXXXXVI.
1> The Y1K bug threatens to cripple high-tech industries, like stonemasonry and weaving.
[ This list copyright by Chris White ] [ The Top 5 List http://topfive.com ]Did you ever hear about Blitzen the Brown nosed reindeer?
He is twice as fast as Rudolf but doesn’t stop as quick!
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence.
Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, “What are you doing there, Nancy?”
“My goldfish died,” replied Nancy tearfully without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.”
The neighbor was very concerned.
“That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?”
Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your stupid cat!”
Monica has been receiving a lot of kidding about her weight. She
considered to have her love handles removed, but decided against it as she
might lose her hearing if they cut off her ears.
A wealthy socialite had a night out on the town with her friends.
She awoke the next morning, totally naked and with a monster of a hang-over.
So she rang for the butler and asked for a cup of strong black coffee.
“Jeeves” she said, “I can’t remember a thing about last night. How did I get to bed?”
“Well Madam, I carried you upstairs and put you to bed”
“But my dress?”
“It seemed a pity to crumple it, so I took it off and hung it up”
“But what about my underwear?”
“I thought the elastic might stop the circulation, so I took the liberty of removing them.”
“What a night!” she said. “I must have been tight!”
“Only the first time, Madam.”
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by curtis