A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair
of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the
high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the “no haggle” attitude of one of the
shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, “Maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own
alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!”
The shopkeeper said, “By all means, be my guest. Maybe you’ll luck out and
catch yourself a big one!” Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the
swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young
woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a
huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the
creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Lying
nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in
amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back, and
frustrated, shouts out, “Damn it, this one isn’t wearing any shoes either!”
Author: admin
New York Y2K and other Years
1. Y Subway (Year to more trains and even cleaner stations)2. Y Broadway (Year of more tourist going, movie derivative shows)3. Y oi vey (Year of using even more Jewish superlatives)4. Y Toupee (Year of more Hair Transplants)5. Y too Gay (Year of a more Gay Rights)6. Y ash tray (Year of less cigarettes)7. Y e-bay (Year of more online auctions)8. Y Shar-pei (Year of many more small imported dogs)9. Y Torme (Year of the more lounge singers)10. Y Bidet (Year of more European bathroom fixtures)11. Y Valet (Year of having your car parked for you)12. Y Trump’s Way (Year of listening to an ego)13. Y Chalet (Year of more over-priced hotels)14. Y Buffet (Year of more all you can eat dinners)15. Y Cheese Tray (Year of more cocktail party appetizers)16. Y Sorbet (Year of more flavors that you never heard of)17. Y Hair Spray (Year of even higher hair)18. Y You Stay (Year of more Internet Provider delays)19. Y Risqu� (Year of less rights for local sex shops)20. Y O.J. (Never goes away)21. Y Replay (Year of more NFL game delays)22. Y Steel Grey (Year of re-making the new black)23. Y Parquet (Year of the finally doing the home improvement)24. Y Decay (Year of more investment in the inner city)25. Y Au Lait (Year of more different kinds of coffees)26. Y Fillet (Year of eating more meat even though it’s bad for us)27. Y Obey (Year of continued ‘illegal’ jaywalking)28. Y Hermes (Year of more over priced women’s accessories)29. Y Today (Year of more morning show competition)30. Y Souffl� (Year of more desert menus)31. Y Prepay (Year of more phone cards)32. Y Caf� (Year of more outside eating of overpriced sandwiches)33. Y Survey (Year of more studies for train to airport project)34. Y Bombay (Year of more Gin Drinks)35. Y Jose (Year of a stronger and growing Latino Population)36. Y Saut� (Year of more food TV shows)37. Y More Cray (Year of even faster computers)38. Y Sick Pay (Year of parental leave)39. Y Clich� (Year of more boy bands)40. Y Night Spray (Year of more unknown insect infections)41. Y McVeigh (Year of unfortunately more terrorist attacks)42. Y Amway (Year of more nagging friends)43. Y Stroke play (Year of more Cyber sex)44. Y Display (Year of more building sized advertisements)45. Y Portray (Year of the ‘New York’ Candidate)46. Y Repay (Year of clearing up US debt to UN)47. Y Coin Play (Year of increased gambling machines)48. Y DK (Year of more American designer clothing)49. Y Dismay (Year of continued illegal drug use)50. Y We Pray (Year for continued hope for mid-east peace)
Yo Momma So Short
Yo momma so short she did a suicide jump of the curb.
Definately
“Ok class” said the teacher of a 2nd grade class “todays word is definately can anyone use it in a sentance” Betty raised her hand “the sky is definately blue” Well said the teacher “sometime it is black like in the night.” Then Fred raised his hand the water is definately clear.” Well said the teacher the water is some times green with alge.” Then little Billy raised his hand “do farts have lumps” “No! why do you ask?” the teacher replied ” then I definately pooped in my pants.”
Why Sex is Like Snow…
- Why Sex is Like Snow
- Sex is dirty only if it’s done right.
Hanlon’s Razor: Never attribute
Hanlon’s Razor: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Symphonic Misnotes
Even if you think perfect pitch has something to do with baseball, you will enjoy these musical responses that young students wrote on real-life tests:
* Refrain means don’t do it. A refrain in music is the part you better not try to sing.
* A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.
* J.S. Bach died from 1750 to the present.
* Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was rather large.
* Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling him. I guess he could not hear so good. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died from this.
* Caruso was at first an Italian. Then someone heard his voice and said he would go a long way. And so he came to America.
* A good orchestra is always ready to play if the conductor steps on the podium.
* Most authorities agree that music of antiquity was written long ago.
* Probably the most marvelous fugue was the one between the Hatfields and the McCoys.
* My very best-liked piece is the Bronze lullaby.
* A harp is a nude piano.
* My favorite composer is Opus.
* An opera is a song of a bigly size.
* Contralto is a low sort of music that only ladies sing.
* Agnus Dei was a woman composer famous for her church music.
* Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel.
* I know what a sextet is, but I’d rather not say.
* Stradivarius sold his violins on the open market with no strings attached.
* Do you know that if Beethoven were alive today, he’d be celebrating the 170th anniversary of his death?
* Aaron Copland is one of our most famous contemporary composers. It is unusual to be contemporary. Most composers do not live until they are dead.
* In the last scene of Pagliacci, Canio stabs Nedda, who is the one he really loves. Pretty soon Silvio gets stabbed also, and they all live happily ever after.
* At one time, singers had to use musicians to accompany them. since synthesizers came along, singers can now play with themselves.
Man goes to ladies
A man travelling by plane and in urgent need to use the mens room is nervously tapping his foot on the floor of the aircraft. Each time he tried the mens room door, it was “OCCUPIED”. The stewardess, aware of his predicament suggested that he go ahead and use the ladies room, but cautioned him against using any of the buttons inside. The buttons were marked “WW, WA, PP and ATR”. Making the mistake that so many men make in disregarding the importance of what a woman says, the man let his curiosity get the best of him and decided to try the buttons anyway. He carefully pressed the first button marked “WW” and immediately warm water sprayed all over his entire bottom. He thought, “WOW, the women really have it made!”. Still curious, he pressed the button marked “WA” and a gentle breeze of warm air quickly dried his hind quarters. He thought that was out of this world! The button marked “PP” yielded a large powder puff which delicately applied a soft talc to his rear. Well, naturally he couldn’t resist the last button marked “ATR”. When he woke up in the hospital he panicked and buzzed for the nurse.When she appeared, he cried out, “What happened to me?! The last thing I remember is I was in the ladies room on a business trip!” The nurse replied, “Yes, you were having a great time until you pressed the “ATR” button which stands for Automatic Tampon Remover… Your penis is under your pillow!”
Top Ten Most Ironic Celeberty Deaths
10. Ellen DeGeneres: Suffocates in closet.
9. Susan Lucci: Trips and breaks her neck while running up the stairs to
get an Emmy.
8. Jenny McCarthy: Struck by a random thought.
7. Frank Sinatra: Killed by strangers in the night.
6. RuPaul: Prostate Cancer.
5. O.J. Simpson: Killed by the “real killer” in an apperent suicide.
4. Madonna: Exposure.
3. Unabomber: Mail bomb returned due to “insufficient postage”.
2. Al Gore: Dutch Elm Disease.
1. Bill Gates: Falls out of the window.
You might be a redneck if… reunion
The highlight of your family reunion was your sister’s nude dancing debut.
Aussie kiss
What’s an Australian kiss?
The same thing as a French kiss, only down under!
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Help She’s Drowning!
Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw his wife flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man started to scream for help. A trout fisherman ran up.
The man said, “My wife is drowning and I can’t swim. Please save her. I”ll give you a hundred dollars.”
The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, “Okay, where’s my hundred?”
The man said, “Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law.”
The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, “Just my luck. How much do I owe you?