Author: admin

True Microwave Hell

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Real Office Memo:

Re: 4th floor break room microwave

Hi again,

The new microwave is in place in the 4th floor break room.
As always, please keep an eye on your goods cooking in any microwave.

Use Caution!
Microwave popcorn popping can go bad in a hurry. Don’t be a statistic. Please hang around til it’s done.

If there is the case where your item may be burning to the point where there is smoke billowing, don’t run away. Please call me right away so I can possibly head off a fire alarm, or at the very least, inform facilities of the problem.

Super bowl xxxvi – patriots fan

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Two boys are playing hockey on a frozen pond in a St.Louis, Missouri park when
one of the boys is suddenly attacked by a crazed Rottweiller.

Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his hockey stick, shoves it under the
dog’s collar, twists it,and breaks the dog’s neck, saving his friend.

A reporter is strolling by, sees the incident, and rushes over to interview
the boy. “Young Rams Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal,” he starts writing in
his notebook. “But I’m not a Rams fan,” the little hero replies.

“Sorry, since we’re in St. Louis, I just assumed you were,” says the reporter
and he starts writing again. “Blues Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack” he
writes in his notebook.

“I’m not a Blues fan either,”the boy says.”

Oh, I assumed everyone in St. Louis was either for the Rams or the Blues. What
team do you root for?” the reporter asks.

“I’m an New England Patriots fan,” the boy replies.

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes:

“Little Boy From New England Kills Beloved Family Pet.”

Poor Weird Jonny

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One day little jonny approached his dad with this question, “Daddy, I think Im weird, can you please take me to the doctor to make sure?” Reluctanly the dad replied “OK son but this better be quick.”

So, they went to the doctors office and after a long wait it was jonnys turn. “Well Jonny what seems to be the problem” asked the doctor “I think im weird but i cant figure out why so can you just check me to make sure im normal?” “ok.” said the doctor “Well son dont be alarmed but you have three testicles it wont really affect you because you can still have sex and everything but youll just be different.”

On the way home his dad asks him “so son are you weird?” “Yep” he replied “How” “well… put it this way together we have five balls.” “WHAT YOU ONLY HAVE ONE?”

Honeymoon Surprise

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A man is going to work one day and accidentally slams his penis
in the car door. He goes to the doctor and the doctor says,
“We’re going to have to put a splint on that.” The guy says, “No
way, Doc. I’m getting married in a week.” The Doc replies,
“Well, if we don’t, It’s going to be bent for the rest of you
life.”

Finally, the guy agrees and the doctor gets out a couple of
tongue depressors and some tape and fixes him up. (a week later,
and he’s on his honeymoon…) His new wife is doing a slow,
seductive strip-tease in front of him. She takes off her bra and
says, “See these? They’ve never been touched by a man before.”
She then takes off her panties and says, “See this? It’s never
been seen by a man before.” So, the husband whips off his shorts
and says, “See this? I’ts not even out of the crate yet!”

Highway Robbery

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A farmer and his daughter were coming back from town with their money from some sales and a large sack of flour when all of a sudden these highway men held them up and robbed them of everything.A few minutes later the farmer exclaims, “We’re ruined, all the money’s gone and there’s no flour for bread.”Then his daughter says, “No, papa, I hid the money in my U-know-what.”The farmer said, “You’re a good girl, but if your mama was here she could have saved the sack of flour as well!”

President Bush and Taliban Leader

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Bush went to Afganistan to discuss peace agreements. While he
was in the Room The Taliban leader presses a button and a Fist
comes out and puches him. He begans to laugh and Bush is
annoyed. Then as the began talking he presses another button and
a fist comes out and punches his balls. This really gets on his
nerves so he leaves. The talaban leader is laughing his ass off.
Two months latter Bush calls for a peace agreement woth
Afganistans leader. AS they are in the oval office Bush presses
a button and the Taliban leader ducks but nothing happend Bush
is laughing his head off. when the began talking again push
presses the button again and the T leader covers his balls
nothing happend bush is laughing so hard he is read. The T
leader says I’m going back to Afganistan Bush replies what
afganistan

2 guys at the bar.

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Two guys were at a bar talking about how highly their wives thought of them.

The first guy said, “My wife, she thinks so much of me that she won’t let me do any work around the house. It’s incredible!”

The second guy says, “That’s nothing. My wife thinks I’m God!”

“She thinks you’re God? What makes you say that?”

“Easy…Every night she places a burnt offering before me!”

Black or white

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one time there was this zebra, who got hit by a bus and went to heaven. the gatekeeper told him he could ask god one question and then roam heaven freely. so the zebra goes in the pearly gates and asks God Am I a white zerbra or am i a black zebra?

God replies, “your a white zebra”

The zebra asks how do you know?

God replies, “if you were a black zebra you would have asks Is i a white zebra or a black zebra? instead you ask am i a white zebra or a black zebra?”