Author: admin

Q. What do you call a gay dinosaur?
A. Megaspores.

Estaba un viejito en la alcoba cuando se le para el pito y le grita a su mujer, “Vieja, vieeeejjjjaaa, ap�rate que se me par�.”

En eso sube corriendo la pobre mujer y cuando llega ya se le baj� al viejito.

Otro d�a el viejito estaba en el ba�o y pasa lo mismo como 4 veces. Total que la viejita decide andar desnuda por toda la casa para que en el momento que el viejito le grite ella est� preparada.

Pasaron unos dias y la viejita estaba en la cocina preparando de almorzar cuando escucha, “Vieja, viejaaaaaaa”, y sube a las carreras desnuda como andaba y le dice, “Ahora s� papacito,” y el viejito le contesta: “�Se est� quemando la casa y t� con tus puter�as!”

There was this couple once who had everything; the son and daughter, a house, a cat… I mean the basic stuff. Well I guess as the got older they started to lose their sex drive. This discouraged the husband so he went to the doctor and got some extra strength Viagra even though it was still in its trial phase. Well the doctor told him, “only one pill a day, and I’ll call you at the end of the week.”
So the doctor calls at the end of the week and asks how well the pills are working.
The man replies, “Oh their great! I haven’t had sex like this for 10 years!”
The doctor tells him to “keep it up, and remember… only ONE pill a day.”
The wife found out however and started slipping him an extra pill each day without him knowing. So when the doctor called and asked how everything was holding up the man replied, “I’m addicted! I haven’t had sex like this since I was 16!” Now the doctor was kind of suspicious but just let it go and decided to call him at the end of next week. Meanwhile, the greedy wife (who was loving it) started giving him 3 doses of xtra strength viagra a day.
The doctor called at the same time next week, but this time a little boy answered the phone. “Are your parents there?” the doctor asked.
“Well… they are but there locked in their room and won’t come out.” The boy answered.
“Ok.. I’ll call back in 3 hours.” The doctor promised; but when he called back the boy answered the phone again.
“You just missed them… they came down and got a drink and ran right back upstairs.” The boy informed him.
“Listen I’ll be there in 5 minutes!” The doctor by this time had a pretty good idea what was going on and rushed over there as fast as he could; but being unreliable, he got there an hour later.
When he knocked on the door the little boy answered the door. In desperation the doctor asked where the boy’s parents were.
The boy took a deep breath and said, “Mom’s dead, sister’s pregnant, my butt hurts, and dad’s looking for the cat.”

On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple had a fatal
car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside Heaven’s Gate waiting
on St.Peter to do an intake. While waiting, they wondered if they could possibly
get married in Heaven.

St. Peter finally showed up and they asked him. St. Peter said, “I don’t know,
this is the first time anyone has asked. “Let me go find out.” and he left.

The couple sat and waited for an answer…for a couple of months…and they
began to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the
eternal aspect of it all. “What if it doesn’t work?” they wondered, “Are we
stuck together forever?”

St. Peter returned after yet another month, looking some what bedraggled.
“Yes,” he informed the couple, “you can get married in Heaven.”

“Great,”said the couple, “but what if things don’t work out? Could we also get
a divorce in Heaven?”

St. Peter, red-faced, slammed his clipboard onto the ground.

“What’s wrong?”, asked the frightened couple.

“COME ON!” St. Peter shouted, “It took me three months to find a priest up
here! Do you have any idea how long it will take me to find a lawyer?”