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La esposa se ausenta del hogar por algunos d�as porque debe ir a otra ciudad a cuidar a su madre enferma y deja a la empleada Mar�a Soledad al cuidado de la casa. Al retornar, pregunta a su hijo qu� tal lo hab�an pasado, y �ste dice:
“El mi�rcoles hubo una horrible tempestad con truenos, rayos y rel�mpagos, y a m� me dio tanto miedo que Mar�a Soledad vino y durmi� con yo”.
“Conmigo”, corrige el padre.
“�No, eso fue el jueves!”
Knock KnockWho’s there?Alex!Alex who?Alex the questions round here!
Bill Clinton is sitting next to a 19-year-old White House intern one day at a
gathering. The President says to her, “Would you like to come to the Oval Office
and see my clock?”
She says, “No, Mr. President, I don’t think so�.
The President replies, “Please, I’d really like to show it to you.”
“No, Mr. President, I really can’t.”
“Come on. Come and see my clock. It’ll only take a minute.”
“All right. If it won’t take long.”, replied the intern.
They go to the Oval Office. The President sits down, unzips his pants, and
pulls out his penis.
The intern says, “Mr. President! That’s not a clock, it’s a cock!!!”
The President replies, “Well, you’re right, but if you put two hands and a
face on it, it’s a clock.”
A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer decides to start with the basics. “So, miss, can you tell us your age, please?”
The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying “Ehhhh .. 22!”.
The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. “And can you tell us your height, please?”.
The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces “Five foot two!”.
This isn’t looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. “And ehh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?”
The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying “Mandy!”.
The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks “Just out of curiosity, miss. We can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when we asked you your name?”
“Ohh that!”, replies the blonde, “That’s just me running through ‘Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you….’ “
You can’t have everything, where would you put it?
If Radio Shack ran Christmas…The staff would sell you ornaments, but not know anything about them or what they were for. Or you could buy parts to build your own tree.
Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com
One day 2 muslims and hindues they ware walking in the street and contending with each other whoes allmighty is exist in this earth. The Muslim believes that God is onely one there is no other allmighty after that.But the Hindu believe that their (vogoman) is existing in the world and no other allmighty is there before him/her.Than they decided one thing that both they will prove whoes allmighty is the best , then they subscribed to high building.
The Muslim said: If your god is true than jump down from there and see whether you get back with life or not .
The Hindu said: OK than he jumped down from the high building with the name of her allmighty(vagoman)but coincidently he got back with life ,than the Muslim became confused who is true .
Now the time for muslim to jump*
The Muslim,ok: He got ready and set up his mind to jump down.Before jump he called her allmighty but withen this time he also prayed to (vogoman)in silent, (hai (vogoman) you might also be the best.But he did not get back with life.
His fault was that , he had no believes neither on God nor Vogoman.
Llega un pol�tico a un pueblo a ofrecer un discurso en su campa�a pol�tica y empieza:
“He venido, acudido o llegado hasta esta entidad, poblaci�n o municipio con el fin, objetivo o meta de platicar, dialogar o conversar con un grupo, asociado o conjunto de personas, individuos o civiles que forman un c�rculo, circunferencia o rueda y digo c�rculo para personas de medio entender, circunferencia para personas de mucho entender y rueda para aquel borrach�n que ni me ve, ni me oye, ni me escucha…”
En eso, el temulento se levanta y lo interrumpe:
“Momento, alto, stop, rojo, detente. No por el hecho, acontecimiento o suceso de haber bebido, ingerido o tomado algunas copas de vino, licor o cerveza vaya usted a tacharme de una persona ne�fita, inculta o prosaica. �Por lo mismo, tanto o consecuente vaya, dir�jase o acuda usted a chingar, joder o perjudicar a su tutelar, madre o progenitora!”
Joe is a lonely man who hadn’t had a woman is eight months. As
he’s walking down the street, he hears a small cry for help. He
looks down and finds a genie stuck in a small hole. The genie
says, “Hey, help me out of this hole and I’l grant you one
wish.” Joe says, “I don’t know, I don’t trust genies, but I’ll
help you out.” After the genie is out of the hole, he tells Joe
to make a wish. Joe says “I wish I was surrounded by pussy.”
The genie turns him into a tampon.
The moral of the story is don’t think you’re getting anything in
life for free without a string attached.
A young man, on his first visit to a big city decides to go visit the local whorehouse. A little while later he starts to feel sick. He goes to see a doctor of internal medicine. The doctor examines him and says, “Well son, I don’t know how to tell you this, but you’ve got a bad case of syphilis, gonorrhea, and about 12 other things I can’t spell. I’m afraid I’m going to have to give you this medicine. It’ll make you get better but it’ll also cause your penis to shrivel up and disappear. It’s going to cost you $1000.”
This doesn’t make our friend very happy so he goes and sees a surgeon. The surgeon examines him and says “Sorry, but it looks like a nice mix of syphilis, gonorrhea, and a few other things to boot. Afraid I’m going to have to cut your dick off and charge you $2000.”
By this time the guy is desperate so he goes to see a doctor of holistic medicine. The doctor examines him and comes to essentially the same conclusion as the other doctors: an advanced case of V. D. However, his approach to the problem is designed to save the patient unnecessary expense, trauma, and worry: “Look, just go home and eat lots of good food, get plenty of rest, and gets lots of sunshine and fresh air. Wait about two weeks and your dick will fall off all by itself.”
Q: What’s the difference between a McDonalds Hamburger and Bill Clinton?
A: Some people in Arkansas haven’t had a McDonald’s hamburger!
What is green and smells like pork?
Kermit finger.