Yours Fun Portal !
A guy was sitting in his chair when his wife smacks him with a rolled up newspaper. He looked at her and said, “What was that for?”
His wife replied, “I found a note in your pants pocket that said Loose Lucy on it.”
The guys said, “Oh, that’s not a girl, honey… That was the name of the horse I bet on for the race.”
The next day the guys wife hits him in the head with a fring pan.
When he wakes up he says, “What the hell was that for?”
His wife says, “Your horse called.”
One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. “Why are you eating grass?”, he asked one man. “We don’t have any money for food.”, The poor man replied. “Oh, come along with me then.” “But sir, I have a wife with two children!” “Bring them along! And you, come with me too!”, he said to the other man. “But sir, I have a wife with six children!” The second man answered. “Bring them as well!” They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says “sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.” The rich man replied “No, you don’t understand, the grass at my home is about three feet tall!”
A car broke down on the side of the road and the man, John,
didn’t know how to fix it so he walked to a farm he had seen
about a mile back and he asked if he could use the phone. The
man called his insurance company, but they said they couldn’t be
there till the next day,so he asked if he could stay there till
his insurance company came the next day. “Sure, but I don’t have
a guest room so you’ll have to stay in the barn.” The man didn’t
like the idea of having to stay in the barn, but had no
alternative since it was the only house for miles,and it was
getting dark, so he agreed.
The man took him out to the barn, and showed him where he could
stay. The man was about to leave when John asked, “Hey, by the
way what are those three holes on the wall, their all the same
size and height.” “Oh the are just holes, just leave them alone,
don’t go near them.” After saying that the man left.
Of course its human to do what you are told not to, so the man
went to the hole and looked in, but he couldent see anything.
Since he coulden’t see anything he stuck his finger in it, it
was nice, tight, and moist. After that he decided to leave it
alone. He went to sleep, and had this absolutly great sex dream.
He woke up from his dream in the middle of the night and felt he
was near orgasm and needed to fuck something. Then he remembered
the hole and how it felt on his finger. So he went to the hole
and fucked it hard, and it felt so good. He went on and try the
second hole, that one was even better so he tried the last hole
it was so good he never wanted to stop, but after he came like
never before he decided to sleep.
When he woke up the man was standing over him. “Finally decide
to wake up huh….here, have a drink, it’s milk, i just got it
this morning.” “Thanks, but I just have to know what those three
holes are.” And after a little convincing the man told him, “The
first one it my pig, the second one is my cow, and the last one
is the thing that milks the cow, but you should know that since
you milked the cow last night, this morning the bucket was
almost full, that’s what you are drinking.”
Q: Why have scientists begun to use lawyers instead of lab rats for research?
A: Two reasons: first, they are more plentiful than rats, second, the
researchers don’t get as attached to them.
One problem, though, is that no one has been able to extrapolate the test
results to human beings.
Teacher: “Why didn’t you answer me?”
Pupil: “I did, I shook my head.”
Teacher: “You don’t expect me to hear it rattling from here, do you?”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
yo mamma is so big she uses the world as a basketball
Did you hear that Nixon, Hart and Kennedy were forming a law firm.
– They’re calling it Trickem, Dickum and Dunkem!
what do you get when you cross a bulldog and a shitsue
bullshit
Knock, Knock.
Who’s There?
Orange.
Orange Who?
Orange You Going To Let Me In?
Resulta que Chente se compr� unas botas de charol y feliz corre a su casa para presum�rselas a su esposa:
“Vieja, �qu� me notas?”
“Pues nada, cari�o”.
“�C�mo que nada? �M�rame bien! �Qu� me notas?”
“Pues yo te veo igual”.
“�Me lleva! A ver, p�rate ah�”.
Acto seguido, Chente se encuera todito y s�lo se deja sus brillantes botas.
“A ver, ahora s�… �Qu� me notas?”
“Est�s encuerado.”
“�Me lleva! A ver, te voy a dar una ayudadita. �Qu� tengo abajo del ombligo?”
“Ay, pues tu pizarr�n”.
“�Y pa’ donde apunta?”
“Hacia abajo, querido”.
“�Y qu� hay abajo?”
“Pues tus botas”.
“�Pues eso mero! �Vieja, me compr� unas botas de charol para usarlas en Espa�a!”
“�Ay, mejor te hubieras comprado un sombrero!”
Q: Why do rednecks’ dogs have flat noses?A: From chasing parked cars…