A guy named Bob

A guy named Bob receives a free ticket to the Super Bowl from his company.
Unfortunately, when Bob arrives at the stadium he realizes the seat is in the
last row in the corner of the stadium he’s closer to the Goodyear blimp than the
field.

About halfway through the first quarter, Bob notices an empty seat 10
rows off the field, right on the 50 yard line. He decides to take a chance and
makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty
seat.

As he sits down, he asks the gentleman sitting next to him, “Excuse me,
is anyone sitting here?” The man says no.

Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob again inquires
of the man next to him, “This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have
a seat like this at the Super Bowl and not use it?”

The man replies, “Well, actually, the seat belongs to me, I was supposed to
come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven’t
been together at since we got married in 1965.”

Well, that’s really sad,” says Bob, “but still, couldn’t you find someone to
take the seat? A relative or close friend?” No,” the man replies, “they’re all
at the funeral.”

Belt Size 48-50

I gave out a list of some gifts I would like to have from ‘Old Santa’ to my six children & their families. One of the items listed was a belt, size 48-50 (I am of ample proportions). The following is a true story told to me by my son-in-law last night.He and my 7 year old grandson were out looking at gifts last week and my son-in-law told John to go look for a belt – size 48- 50. A little later John came back with the longest belt he found (size 44). Jack told him to take it back and get one 48-50. John came back a second time, again with the largest belt he could find (size 46). Jack told him again to get a size 48-50! Whereupon John asked, ‘Dad do they really make cows that long?’

Slow down for her

BARHAM, England, Jan 26 (AFP) – A roadside poster of the Czech supermodel Eva Herzegova taking off her T-shirt has succeeded in slowing cars outside a road safety campaigner’s home.Cyril Long, 62, hit on the idea of placing the provocative picture of the Wonderbra model in his garden in Barham, eastern England, after motorists repeatedly ignored his hand-written pleas for them to cut their speed.

Farting in the Restaurant

A very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night waiting for her date. She wanted to make sure everything was perfect.So, as she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter walks up.Sitting up straight now, embarrassed and red faced, knowing everyone in the place heard her, turns to the waiter and demands “Stop That!”.The waiter looks at her dryly and says “Sure lady, which way is it headed?”