Author: admin

How do you get a one arme blon out of a tree.

You wave at her.

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been
reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications,
rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan
for what will be known as Euro-English (Euro for short). In the first year, ‘s’
will be used instead of the soft ‘c’. Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve
this news with joy. Also, the hard ‘c’ will be replaced with ‘k.’ Not only will
this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome ‘ph’ will be replaced by ‘f’. This will make words like ‘fotograf’
20 per sent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will
enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to
akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent ‘e’s in the
languag is disgrasful, and they would go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing ‘th’ by
‘z’ and ‘W’ by ‘V’. During ze fifz year, ze unesesary ‘o’ kan be dropd from
vords kontaining ‘ou’, and similar changes vud of kors; be aplid to ozer
kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil b no mor
trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem
vil finali kum tru.

GAT (Gangsta Aptitude Tess)
The following exam was administered as an Ebonics version of the SAT

1) You just robbed som jack mo fo with $20 in his wallet. You can buy:

A dime and two 40’s
B. A new pair of Fila’s
C Dashikki down the block
D. Yo mama

2) It’s tha end of da monf again and da man is on your jack for da rent. You:

A. Bust a cap in his ass
B. Say, “Shit man, why you all up in ma bidness?”
C. Have anuther kid on welfare
D. Yo mama

3) You and ya holmes are banging down da block when yall scam da uther mo fo’s commin your way.
If ya both jaking your hydros, and both yall draw yur gats, which of da following happens:

A. Shit goes down in da hood
B. Ya check yur colours and let the cop-killers fly
C. Shit man, I do’no maff
D. Yo mama

4) You drink haff a 40. How much is left:
A. Haff
B. Da uther haff
C. Zum mo
D. Bout enuff to jak yo mama

5) You, beein da shit you are, dress yo self in da morn in which of deese:
A. Yo Tek 9 with da Raiders hat
B. Da AK47 with yo Fila’s

6) Tiz yo 21st birfday. You:
A. Hook up with Dashikki down the block and treat her to MceeDees
B. Treat yo self to crack, ice cream, and 40’s
C. Gaffle da man
D. I do’no maff

JOG-MAFEE

7) Wher iz da mutherland at:
A. Afrika
B. Compton
C. Souff Centra
D. Yo mama

8) What am da capita of California?
A. Da Hood
B. Compton
C. Compton
D. Compton

ANALAMA-G’S

9) Tek 9 : Gatt ::
A. Yo mama : Dashikki
B. Fila’s : Nike
C. Tu pac : Barry White
D. St. Ive’s : Colt 45

10) Malt Liquor : Da Chronic ::
A. Da Man : Da Systum
B. ReeRun : MC Hammer
C. Fat Albert : Shaft
D. Yo mama : Dashikki

NOW LOOKIE HERE FOO. I GOTS TO AXE YOU AN EXXAY QUEXTIUN:
IN 25 WURDS MO O LESS, TELL UZ ME WHO AM DA MAN?

So dat we may give uh you yo cowrecked sco, sine yo tag below

+———————————————————————–+

The Washington Post’s “Style Invitational” asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Foreploy:
any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex.

Doltergeist:
a spirit that decides to haunt someplace stupid, such as your septic tank.

Giraffiti:
vandalism spray-painted very, very high, such as the famous “Surrender Dorothy” on the Beltway overpass.

Sarchasm:
the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn’t get it.

Impotience:
eager anticipation by men awaiting their Viagra prescription.

Reintarnation:
coming back to life as a hillbilly.

DIOS:
the one true operating system.

Inoculatte:
to take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis:
terminal coolness.

Taterfamilias:
the head of the Potato Head family.

Osteopornosis:
a degenerate disease.

Karmageddon:
It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these like really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like a serious bummer.

Hindkerchief:
really expensive toilet paper; toilet paper at Buckingham palace.

Deifenestration:
to throw all talk of God out the window.

Acme:
a generic skin disease (alt: the ‘best’ skin disease).

Dopeler effect:
the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman

A white guy, black guy, and a mexican guy are walking down this old country road looking for a place to stay and an old farmer said they could stay there on one condition, they don’t fuck his daughter. They all agreed and when they whent to bed the farmar put razor blades in her pussy.The next morning when they woke up the farmer told them to drop there pants. All of there dicks were cut up so he told them to go out in his field and pick a hundred of there favorite fruit. They go out and about 30 min. later and the white guy comes in and he has 100 cherries. the farmer told him to shove them up his butt so he did. Then the black man came in with 100 strawberries and the farmer told him to shove the m up his butt. Then the black man starts laughing and the farmer askes him why and he says, “My friend’s out there picking 100 watermelons”.

Crash Course in Speaking ChineseChinese Phrase English TranslationAi Bang Mai Ne: I bumped into the coffee table Chin Tu Fat: You need a face lift Gun Pao Der: An ancient Chinese invention Hu Flung Dung: Which one of you fertilized the field? Hu Yu Hai Ding: We have reason to believe you are harboring a fugitiveJan Ne Ka Sun: A former late night talk show hostKum Hia: Approach meLao Ze Sho: Gilligan’s IslandLao Ze: Not very goodLin Ching: An illegal executionMoon Lan Ding: A great achievement of the American space programNe Ahn: A lighting fixture used in advertising signsShai Gai: A bashful personTai Ne Bae Be: A premature infantTai Ne Po Ne: A small horseTen Ding Ba: Serving drinks to peopleWan Bum Lung: A person with T.B.Yu Mai Te Tan: Your vacation in Hawaii agrees with youWa Shing Kah: Cleaning an automobileWai So Dim: Are you trying to save electricity?Wai U Shao Ting: There is no reason to raise your voice