Great view

A general store owner hires a young female assistant with a penchant for very short skirts.

One day, a young man enters the store, glances at the assistant, and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter.

‘I’d like some raisin bread, please,’ the man says politely.

The assistant nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread located on the very top shelf.

The man, standing almost directly beneath her, is provided with an excellent view.

As the assistant retrieves the bread, a small group of male customers gather around the young man looking in the same direction.

Pretty soon each person is asking for raisin bread, just to see the assistant climb up and down.

After a few trips the assistant is tired and irritated.

She stops and fumes at the top of the ladder, glaring at the men standing below.

She notices an elderly man standing among the throng. ‘Is yours raisin too?’ The assistant yells testily.

‘No,’ croaks the old man, ‘but it’s starting to twitch.’

Austin Powers Pick up lines

1. I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day long.

2. (Lick finger and wipe on her shirt)….Let’s get you out of
these wet clothes.

3. Nice legs…what time do they open?

4. Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my
package.

5. You’ve got 206 bones in your body, want one more?

6. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

7. I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I’m the only
one talking to you.

8. I’m a bird watcher and I’m looking for a Big Breasted Bed
Thrasher,have you seen one?

9. I’m fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth
tonight.

10. Wanna play army? I’ll lay down and you can blow the hell
outta me.

11. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Superdrug, so I
could ride you all day long for a quarter.

12. Oh, I’m sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.

13. I’d really like to see how you look when I’m naked.

14. Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven?

15. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is
only a light switch away.

16. You must be the limp doctor because I’ve got a stiffy.

17. I’d walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even
farther for that thing you do with your tongue.

18. If it’s true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by
morning.

19. You know, if I were you, I’d have sex with me.

20. You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?

21. F@#! me if I’m wrong, but is your name Helga Titsbottom?

22. Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my
bedroom floor.

23. My name is Austin … remember that, you’ll be screaming it
later.

24. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by
again?

25. Hi, I’m Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

26. My friend wants to know if YOU think I’M cute.”

27. Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to
you.

28. My name isn’t Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want
to.

29. I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you
been drinking?

30. If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth,
I bet we could do it in public.

31. Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why, don’t you
like pizza?

32. Baby, I’m an American Express lover…you shouldn’t go home
without me.

33. Do you sleep on your stomach? no……….? Can I???

34. Do you wash your pants in Windex because I can see myself in
them.

35. I lost my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went
into this cheap motel room.

Titanic vs. Clinton’s Deposition Video

Titanic vs. Slick Willy’s Deposition Video From the Philadelphia Daily News, September 28, 1998TITANIC CLINTON VIDEO=============================================================$9.99 on Internet SameOver 3 hours long SameThe Story of Jack and Rose, The Story of Bill and Monica,their forbidden love, and their forbidden love, anda subsequent catastrophe a subsequent catastropheTheir Song: Celine Dion Their Song: Sarah”My Heart Will Go On” Maclaughlin ”No. 5”Villain: White Star Line Villain: Ken StarrJack is a starving Artist Bill is a BS artistIn one part, Jack enjoys Ditto for Bill.a Good Cigar.During the ordeal, Rose’s Ditto fordress gets ruined Monica’sJack Teaches Rose to Spit Let’s not EVEN go there!Rose gets to keep her jewelry Monica forced to return giftsBehind the scenes: Behind the scenes:Leonardo DiCaprio is Bill Clinton’s approvalwildly popular rating is at 70%Jack meets an icy death Bill goes home to Hillary

Resulta que en el Ayuntamiento

Resulta que en el Ayuntamiento de Tontilandia se ha ido amontonando una gran cantidad de documentos y ya no queda sitio en los archivos para almacenarlo todo. As� que un d�a deciden tirar algunos papeles in�tiles para hacer algo de sitio.

Una secretaria no est� segura de si unos legajos son �tiles o no, y le pregunta al alcalde:

“Se�or alcalde, �tiramos tambi�n estos expedientes?”

“A ver… pues… no s�… bueno, t�relos, pero antes haga una fotocopia.”

Compliment?

Morris was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the
paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that
was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ
and common knowledge.
He turned to his wife Sherry, with a look of question on his face. “I’ll never
understand why the biggest schmucks get the most attractive wives.”

His wife replies, “Why thank you, dear!”

Group therapy session

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers
and their small children. “You all have obsessions,” he observed.

To the first mother, he said, “You are obsessed with eating.
You’ve even named your daughter Candy.”

He turned to the second mom. “Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests
itself in your child’s name, Penny.”

At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and
whispered, “Come on, Dick, let’s go.”