Author: admin

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.

3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the
country, and who are very good at crosswords.

4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country
but don’t really understand the Washington Post. They do, however, like
their statistics shown in pie charts.

5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn’t mind running the
country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn’t have to leave
L.A. to do it.

6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the
country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.

7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren’t too sure who’s
running the country, and don’t really care as long as they can get a
seat on the train.

8. The New York Post is read by people who don’t care who’s running the
country, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably
while intoxicated.

9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren’t sure there
is a country …. or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they
oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the
leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs, who also
happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy as long as they
are Democrats.

10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country
but need the baseball scores.

11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the
grocery store.

Submitted by Yisman
Edited by Curtis

A huge college freshman decides to try out for the football team.

After looking him up and down, the coach asks, “Can you tackle?”

“Watch this,” says the freshman, who runs smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters.

“Wow,” says the coach. “I’m impressed, can you run?”

“Of course I can run,” says the freshman. He is off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he finishes a hundred yard dash.

“Amazing!” enthuses the coach. “But can you pass a football?”

The freshman hesitates for a few seconds. “Well, sir,” he stammers, “If I can swallow it, I can probably pass it.”

Submitted by ���rt��
Edited by calamjo and dolly04

The National Enquirer’s special investigative team has determined that
it’s actually Elvis Presely’s image on the Shroud of Turin.

El Presidente de la Rep�blica se encuentra con tres bellas damas en una discoteca: una pelirroja, una rubia y una morena. Sent�ndose junto a ellas y dirigi�ndose a la pelirroja le hizo la siguiente pregunta: Soy el Presidente de la Rep�blica; �cu�nto me cobra por pasar una noche conmigo? A lo que la pelirroja le responde: A Ud. se�or Presidente, le cuesta $ 2000.

Luego le hizo la misma pregunta a la rubia, y �sta le respondi�: A usted se�or Presidente, le cuesta $ 1000.

Al mirar a la morena y hacerle la misma pregunta, �sta fue su respuesta:

“Se�or Presidente, si usted puede levantar mi falda tan alto como est�n los impuestos, bajarme los calzones tan bajo como est�n los sueldos, sacar esa cosa suya y pon�rmela tan dura como est� la vida, mantenerla tan alta como est�n los precios y cogerme en esa forma tan dulce y delicada como usted se est� cogiendo al pueblo, a usted se�or Presidente, NO LE CUESTA NADA.”

One time there was a little boy who was really dirty. so the little boy asked his mom if he could take a shower with her. he begged and begged so his mother finally said ok! as long as he didn’t look up or down. so when they got inthe shower, the little boy loked up and siad mommy what r those? the mother repied headlights! then he looked down and asked her what that was? she said that was the garage. ok the litle oy said. the next week the little boy was really dirty again but this time he took a shower with his dad. The dad said, You can as long as you don’t look down . so the little boy looked down and asked what he named it? the limo said the dad! That night the litle boy had a bad dream, so he went into his parents room to see if he could sleep with them? they finally agreed to it as long as he didn’t look under the covers. so after about 5 min. he looked under the covers and said mommy turn on your headlights open the garage daddys long stechy limo’s commin in!