Silly People

Man : Doctor, so are you sure if I take these small blue
pills, as you suggest, I will get better?
Doctor: Well, sir, lets just put it this way–none of my
patients have come back to ask for more…

Mary : Johnny, its rude to keep reaching across the table
like hat just for a piece if bread. Haven’t you got
a tounge?
Johnny: Yes, but my arms are longer….

Larry: I just got a nice bottle od vodka for my mother-in-law.
Harry: Sounds like a nice trade…

Victoria: I woulnd’t marry you if you were the last person on
Earth!!
Vic : Well if I were, you wouldn’t be here now would you…

Cierto d�a, el Pent�gono decide

Cierto d�a, el Pent�gono decide jubilar a tres generales, que ya estaban muy entrados en a�os, proponi�ndoles como contrapartida 100 mil d�lares por cada metro que midiesen entre dos partes cualesquiera de sus cuerpos. �stas fueron las medidas de cada uno:

El primer General decide que el examinador le tome las medidas desde la planta del pie hasta la parte superior de su cabeza. Despu�s de medirle, el inspector le atribuye una cuant�a de 183 mil d�lares.

El segundo General decide estirar los brazos hacia los lados, manteni�ndolos paralelos al suelo, y pide ser medido desde la punta del dedo medio de la mano derecha, hasta la punta del dedo medio de la mano izquierda. El interventor le mide y le atribuye una cuant�a de 205 mil d�lares.

Cuando llega el turno del tercer General, para asombro de todos, pide ser medido de la punta del pene hasta los test�culos; los presentes responden con una sonora carcajada. El verificador intenta disuadirlo durante algunos minutos, pero al ver que el General se manten�a firme en sus prop�sitos, decide concederle su voluntad mand�ndole bajarse los calzoncillos. Coloca una punta de la cinta m�trica en la extremidad del pene y entonces, cuando est� comenzando a medir, exclama:

“�Pero d�nde diablos est�n los test�culos!”

“En Vietnam”, responde el veterano tercer General.

Tennis elbow

A young man, who worked at a driving range, picked up a couple of dozen old
balls one day and took them home with him, stuffing them into his pants
pockets.
On the bus on his way home, an elderly old lady sat down next to him,
so he had to scrunch them up to make room for her. He noticed after a while the
lady was glancing sideways toward his pockets. A bit embarrassed, he said to the
lady, “It’s all right ma’am, they’re just golf balls.”
She nodded and smiled sympathetically and a few moments later said, “Tell me –
is that something like tennis elbow?”

Ebonic Lords Prayer

Big Daddy’s Rap – The Lord’s Prayer

Yo, Bid Daddy upstairs, – Our Father, who art in heaven

You be chillin – Hallowed be thy name
So be yo hood – Thy Kingdom come

You be sayin’ it, I be doin’ it – Thy will be done

In this here hood and yo’s – On earth as it is in heaven

Gimme some eats – Give us this day our daily bread

And cut me some slack, Blood – And forgive us our trespasses

Sos I be doin’ it to dem dat diss me – As we forgive those who trespass against us

Don’t be pushing me into no jive – And lead us not into temptation

and keep dem Crips away – But deliver us from evil

‘Cause you always be da Man – For thine is the Kingdom, the power and the glory, forever and ever.

aiight

The First Ladies

The wives of four presidents and prime minister are talking together about how
a penis is called in their language. The wife of Tony Blair says in England
people call it a gentleman, because it stands up when women are entering. The
wife of Boris Yeltsin says in Russia you call it a patriot, because you never
know if it will hit you on the front or on the backside. The wife of Chirac says
in France you call it a curtain, because it goes down after the act. Well the
wife of Clinton says in the USA you call it a rumor, because it goes from mouth
to mouth.

Language Barrier

A man walked into a crowded doctor’s office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist asked, ”Yes sir, may we help you?” ”There’s something wrong with my dick,” he replied. The receptionist became aggravated and said, ”You shouldn’t come into a crowded office and say things like that.” ”Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you.” he said. ”We do not use language like that here,” she said. ”Please go outside and come back in and say that there’s something wrong with your ‘ear’ or whatever.” The man walked out, waited several minutes and reentered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, ”Yes?” ”There’s something wrong with my ‘ear’,” he stated. The receptionist nodded approvingly. ”And what is wrong with your ear, sir?” ”I can’t piss out of it.” the man replied.

A mother’s dictionary

Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.Defense: What you’d better have around de yard if you’re going to let the children play outside.Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disasterFeedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.Full name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Ballarina

There is a man in a balarina outfit was sitting at the end of
the bar. He then raises his hand and yells “if anyone wants to
buy me a drink they can”. Another man at the other end of the
bar say’s “bartender I would like to buy her a drink” The
bartender fills up a bear cup and gives it to the man in the
ballarina outfit. the man guzzles down the drink and then
raises his hand again and syas” if anyone wants to buy me a
drink they can”. Once again the man tells the bartender ” I
would like to buy that lady a drink” The bartender once
againfills up the mans mug. The bartender walks over to the man
buying the drinks and states “I know its none of my business but
why are you buying the drinks”. The man says any woman who lift
her leg that high deserves a drink.