Yours Fun Portal !
One morning, Farmer Brodt woke up, looked out his bedroom
window and saw that his barn was on fire. He quick got on
the phone and called the local fire department. When a
fireman answered his call Farmer Brodt said, “This here is
Farmer Brodt. My barn is on fire and I wondered if you
could help.”
The fireman said, “Yes sir, Mr. Brodt – how do we get there ?”
and Farmer Brodt said, “Don’t you have those little red
fire trucks no more?”
When his wife’s snoring woke him for the third straight night, Harry went to the bathroom medicine cabinet, got some aspirin and popped two tablets into her gaping mouth.
‘Awk, glub!’ choked his startled wife. ‘What the…’
‘It’s okay, honey. I gave you some aspirin,’ he explained.
‘Why? I don’t have a headache!’
‘Great!’ said Harry, triumphantly. ‘Let’s Make Love!’
Yo mama so fat that she is the one who created potholes.
A golfer, encountering a genie, was granted one wish. The man thought a while
and said, “Well, I’ve always been embarrassed by being rather small, if you know
what I mean; could you make me larger?” “Done,” said the genie and disappeared.
Continuing his game, the man noticed an immediate change in his “size.” Within
several holes, it was down to his knee, and by the eighteenth, it had crept into
his sock. After holing his final putt, the man hurriedly returned to where he’d
met the genie.
“Problem?” inquired the genie. “Yes,” the man responded, “Do you think I could
trouble you for one more wish?” “And what might that be?” asked the genie.
“Could you make my legs longer?”
Yo’ mama so fat, she wore corduroys and smoothed out the ridges!
When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous “one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind” statement but followed it by several remarks, usual com traffic between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control. Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark, “Good luck Mr. Gorsky.” Many people at NASA thought it was a remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years, many people questioned Armstrong as to what the “Good luck Mr. Gorsky” statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled. On July 5, 1995 in Tampa, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question. Armstrong explained, �When I was a kid, I was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. My friend hit a fly ball which landed in the front of his neighbor’s bedroom windows. My neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Gorsky. As I leaned down to pick up the ball, I heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, “Oral sex! You want oral sex?! You’ll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!”
Do you know why there is so many “dumb blonde” jokes?Because brunettes and redheads have nothing else to do on Friday and Saturday nights……….
A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer walked in and went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey.
He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, ”That’ll be $5000.” The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.
Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, ”That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did it cost so much?”
The shopkeeper answered, ”Ah, that monkey can program in C – very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money.”
The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. ”That one’s even more expensive – $10,000! What does it do?”
”Oh, that one’s a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All the really useful stuff,” said the shopkeeper.
The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own. The price tag around its neck read $50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, ”That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?”
The shopkeeper replied, ”Well, I haven’t actually seen it do anything, but it says it’s a consultant.”
A young man comes home and says “Dad, just got my driver’s license and would like to use the family car.”Father replies, :”O.K., son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, make certain the yard is neat, and cut your hair. Come back in a few months and then we’ll see.”Well, several months pass and the young man comes into the house with his report card in his hand. “Dad, I got great marks on my report card. I’ve been keeping my room as neat as a pin, and the yard is always ship-shape. How about letting me use the car?”Father replies, “That’s all true, but son you didn’t cut your hair.”Son says, “But, dad, Jesus had long hair.”Father replies, “Yes, son, you’re perfectly right. And he walked everywhere he went.”
A nude jogger was running past two old women.
One had a stroke, the other missed!
Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?
He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Una pareja se encuentra a varios kil�metros de la ciudad. Est�n dentro de un coche y empiezan a tocarse. Cuando las cosas est�n al rojo vivo, la mujer le advierte:
“Mira, guapo, resulta que soy prostituta y el polvo te va a costar 10 mil pesetas”.
El t�o, que ya no puede aguantar el calent�n, acepta. Despu�s del polvo ella le pide:
“�Por qu� no me llevas a la ciudad a tomar algo?”
“Mira, bonita, resulta que soy taxista y la carrera hasta la ciudad te costar� 20 mil pesetas”.