The breakdown of the State school dunny obliged the Father at
the neighbouring parish school to extend appropriate
hospitalitly. Soon a disgusted sister was with him to complain
about the appalling behavior of the boys are engaged, it
appears, in a competion as to who could urinate the highest.
“What did you do the, Sister?” enquired the Father. “I hit the
roof!” “Well done, Sister!”
Author: admin
Hillbilly Sound
There was a magician and his aprentice on top of a mountain. The magician
said to his apprentice, “I need two dead people for my next experiment.”
So the apprentice went down the mountain and found two dead people. There
liscenses showed they were Mrs. Hill and Mr. Hill. He took them up the
mountain to the castle. The minute the apprentice stepped in the door he
heard music. He knew not to disturb his master when he was listening to
music so he took the bodies down to the celler. He put them on the table.
Suddenly, the music grew louder and the bodies started rising; he decided
he could disturb his master so he ran up the stairs singing, “The Hills
are alive, with the sound of music!”
Girlfriend v1.0
Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus 1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee 1.0). Recently he upgraded Fiancee 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and it’s a memory hogger, has taken all his space; and Wife 1.0 must be running before he can do anything. Although he didn’t ask for them, Wife 1.0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw and BrotherInLaw. Some features I’d like to see in the upcoming GirlFriend 4.0… – A “Don’t remind me again” button – Minimize button – Shutdown feature – An installshield feature so that Girlfriend 4.0 can be completely uninstalled if so desired (so you don’t lose cache and other objects) – “Abort” button (O.K. that one’s pretty bad – but had to say it) I tried running Girlfriend 2.0 with Girlfriend 1.0 still installed, they tried using the same I/O port and conflicted. Then I tried to uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 but it didn’t have an uninstall program. I tried to unstall it by hand, but it put files in my system directory. Another thing that sucks — in all versions of Girlfriend that I’ve used is that it is totally “object orientated” and only supports hardware with gold plated contacts. ***** BUG WARNING ******** Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.
Jerky.
Q. What food describes most men?
A. Jerky.
Cyber Break Up Letter
Dear [insert screen name here] (if that is your real name),
I regret to inform you that, under a plan for the periodic removal of
unpleasantness from my life, I must terminate our online affair. This
termination takes effect immediately, but only because I could not make it
retroactive. Below, you will find the reasons for this action:
_____ While our cybersex sessions were, for the most part,competent, your
constant use of “brb gotta pee” took some of the romance out of it.
_____ Your use of the term “the ol’ cyber ball and chain” to refer to me
has hurt my feelings.
_____ I’ve found another lover, one who knows the importance of
punctuation.
_____ Certain errors during cyber sessions indicate that you were less
than honest:
_____ You typed: “I remove my bra” when you claimed to be a man.
_____ You typed: “I enter you” when you claimed to be a woman.
_____ You typed your own name at the end.
_____ Your supposedly original scenario, it turns out, is simply page 56
of a Jackie Collins novel.
_____ Your repeated references to animals suggest that you are hiding
something from me.
_____ Your refusal to cyber until I submitted a recent AIDS test suggests
a degree of paranoia that is, simply put, unhealthy.
_____ I finally opened the file with your __ gif __ jpg __ police record.
_____ I have no choice but to comply with the court orders unless I wish
to face stalking charges.
_____ Mommie says I need to spend less time on the computer.
_____ Your mommie called me and yelled at me because of all the time
you’re spending on the computer.
_____ I have established a more personal relationship with the Lord, and I
would like to talk to you in great detail about what you can do to
ensure a place in Heaven when the endtimes come. They are closer than
you think.
_____ The fact that you BCC all your love letters to me leaves me feeling
less than special. As in cyber cheating.
_____ I finally read your profile, and the fact that you are only 14
violates the terms of my parole.
_____ I am entering the witness protection program.
Please understand, __ [screen name] and/or __ you misbegotten son of a
bitch__ sir/madam __ mom/dad [for use in West Virginia], that there is
nothing personal in this. We’ve simply grown apart.
Any additional correspondence you may direct to my attorney,
__ Sincerely,
__ Gleefully,
__ I have to go before the warden calls “lights out,”
__ Uh oh, my Real Life mate is coming up the stairs,
__ Good riddance,
[Name or alias]Bush in Russia
President Bush, over the weekend, was in Russia.
He’s there buying duty-free vodka for the twins.
Runny Noodle
This lady is on an airplane and is seated next to a man named Ian McKegney.
About half an hour after they take off, Ian sneezed. He calmly opened his fly,
took out his penis and wiped it with a handkerchief. The lady was shocked but a
little too shy to say anything.
About 15 minutes later, Ian sneezed again and then once more opened his fly,
grabbed his penis and wiped it off. The lady could not believe it, and being to
shy to mention it, she thought to herself, “If he does that again, I’m
definitely going to mention it.”
Well, guess what? About 10 minutes later, Ian sneezed again and proceeded as
before. She turned to Ian and said, “That is disgusting! Must you do that in
front of me?” Ian apologized and explained that it was a medical condition,
“Every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm,” he explained.
“Really, what do you take for that?” she asked.
Ian replied, “Pepper.”
Where do forest rangers go
Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all”?
En medio de una guerra
En medio de una guerra sangrienta, el ej�rcito enemigo toma una ciudad. Al ocuparla, los soldados van recorri�ndola de casa en casa y tomando prisioneros. Una patrulla llega entonces a una casa y encuentra dos chicas j�venes de f�sico espectacular y, junto a ellas, a una anciana. Uno de los soldados se acerca a las muchachas y les advierte:
“Prep�rense porque las vamos a violar largamente.”
Una de las chicas se arrodilla frente al soldado y le pide:
“�Por favor, con con nosotras hagan lo que quieran, pero respeten a nuestra anciana madre!”
La anciana replica en�rgicamente:
“�C�llense ni�as, la guerra es la guerra!”
Crazy Laws in California
Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses.
-Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern,
school, or place of worship.
-Many animals are illegal to own as pets, including snails, sloths, and
elephants.
-Bathhouses are against the law.
-In an animal shelter, lizards and snakes are treated under the same
guidelines as cats and dogs.
-No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.
-Women may not drive in a house coat.
-It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle,
unless the target is a whale.
Picking Up Nun’s
A hippie gets onto a bus and proceeds to sit next to a Nun in the front seat. The Hippie looks over and asks the Nun if she would have sex with him. The Nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets of at the next stop. When the bus starts on it’s way the bus driver says to the hippie, “if you want I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you.” The hippie of course says that he’d love to know so the bus driver tells him that the every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. “If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder,” said the bus driver(male), “you could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you.” Well the Hippie decides to try this out so that Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun and right on schedule the nun shows up. When she’s in the middle of praying the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. “I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first.” The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about to go to work on the nun. After the Hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, “Ha ha, I’m the hippie!!” The nun replied by whipping off her mask and shouting, “Ha ha, I’m the bus driver!!!”
Ways to confuse a roommate
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.175. Invite the Dean to sleepover.