Q:how does a blonde kill a bird?
A: she throws it over a cliff
Author: admin
Fulfilling their requests
There were 3 men who died and before God would let them into heaven, he gave them a chance to come back as anything they wanted. The first guy said ” I want to come back as myself, but 100 times smarter. So God made him 100 times smarter. The second guy said “I want to be better than that guy, make me 1000 times smarter. So God made him 1000 times smarter. The last guy decided he would be the best. So he said “God, make me better than both of them, make me 1,000,000 times smarter. So God made him a woman !!
Garters
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day.
It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard.
Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, “What’s so funny, Pat?”
“I just saw one of your garters!”
“Get out of my classroom,” she yells, “I don’t want to see you for three days!”
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard.
Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, “What’s so funny, Billy?”
“I just saw both of your garters!”
Again, she yells, “Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don’t want to see you for three weeks!”
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up.
This time there is a burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.
“Where do you think you’re going?” she asks.
“From what I just saw,” replies Little Johnny, “my school days are over!”
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by curtis and yisman
Lollipops
Shortly after a new police commissioner took office, the local
“house of pleasure” was raided and the girls were lined up
outside for questioning and transport to the Police Station.
A little old lady chanced to walk by while this was happening,
and noticing the “line-up” asked what was happening. As a joke,
one of the ‘chicks’ told her they were standing in line for free
lollipops.
A few minutes later, a constable approached the elderly woman
and asked, “Aren’t you a little bit old for this?”
“Officer,” she softly replied with a sweet smile, “as long as
they keep making them, I’ll keep sucking them.”
When cheese gets its picture
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist? Why are wise man and a wise guy opposites? Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things? If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible? Why isn’t 11 pronounced onety one?
Filling in for St. Peter
A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gate he was asked by the gatekeeper: ‘Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?’ ‘Yes,’ the professor ansvered. ‘When I was a young candidate at the hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against at team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not se it so, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now.’ ‘Well,’ said the gatekeeper. ‘That is a very minor sin. You may enter.’ ‘Thank you very much, Saint Peter,’ the professor ansvered. ‘Im am not Saint Peter,’ said the gatekeeper. ‘He is having his lunchbreak. I am Saint Lucas.’
$2000 cash prize
A man goes into a bar and sees a pile of cash on a table beneath a big sign that reads “$2,000 Cash Prize! See bartender for details.” Keeping one eye on the stack of money, the man goes over and asks the bartender what he has to do to win the prize. “You have to do three things and its all yours,” the bartender says. “Just three things?” the guy asks, rubbing his hands now and imagining about walking out of the bar $2,000 richer. “What are the three things?””Well,” the bartender says, “first you have to go over to that 200-pound bouncer and knock him out…” “After that, I’ve got a mean-tempered pitbull in the backroom who needs a tooth pulled…””Then you have to go and make love to the 80-year-old lady who lives upstairs.” “No problem,” the guy says. He struts over to the bouncer and says, “Hey pal your shoelace is untied.” When the bouncer looks down at his shoes, the man flattens him with a single, solid uppercut. Next he heads to the back room where the pitbull is housed. The bartender can heara tremendous commotion from the back room it sounds like the pitbull has gone crazy. After a few minutes the man emerges from the backroom, quite bloody and cut up and breathing heavily. “Okay,” he says, “where’s the old broad that needs her tooth pulled??”
crafty old bird
A young man walking through a supermarket noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.”Pardon me,” she said, ”I’m sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It’s just that you look just like my son, who just died recently.””I’m very sorry,” replied the young man, ”is there anything I can do for you?””Yes,” she said, ”As I’m leaving, can you say ‘Good bye, Mother!’ ? It would make me feel so much better.””Sure,” answered the young man.As the old woman was leaving, he called out, ”Goodbye, Mother!”As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50.”How can that be?” he asked, ”I only purchased a few things!””Your mother said that you would pay for her,” said the clerk.
Outhouse On Quicksand?
Q: What do you call an outhouse built on quicksand?
A: Trapper John
Why do we wash bath
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we use them?
Q: How many Iraqis
Q: How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: It doesn’t matter, they don’t have any electricity anymore.
Your stupid
Know wander you did so bad…Your stupid