One day, two skunks were walking down the street.One was a momma skunk, and one was a baby skunk. Suddenly, a little baby duck was crying in some bushes. The momma skunk says to the baby duck,” why are you crying.” The baby duck says,” my mommy never told me what I was before she died.” The momma skunk said,” well, you have flippers, and white fur, you must be a duck. Suddenly, a car passes by and kills the momma skunk. Then the baby skunk starts crying. The baby duck says,” why are you crying,”. The baby skunk says,” my mommy never told me what I was before she died.” The baby duck said,” well, your black, your white, and you sure do stink, you must be Puertorican.
Author: admin
Coaky
confusus say….
man who has hand in poket feels coaky all day
Clown fish
Q: How does a clown fish get it`s stripes?
A: It spends time in jail.
4 Kinds of sex
4 KINDS OF SEX
HOUSE SEX: When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.
BEDROOM SEX: After you have been married for a while you just have sex in the bedroom.
HALL SEX: After you have been married for many, many years, you just pass each other in the hall and say, “FUCK YOU”
COURTROOM SEX: Your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of lots of people for every penny you’ve got.
Yo mamma!
Yo mama so fat,she dont have periods,she has exclamation points!
A Sleepwalker
A woman went to see a sex therapist with a peculiar problem.
“My husband,” she said, “always falls asleep with his erect penis inside of me.”
“Is that a problem?” asked the therapist.
“Well,” she said, “the problem is he walks in his sleep!”
Make the Pie Higher
I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It’s a world of madmen
and uncertainty
and potential mental losses.
Rarely is the question asked
are our children learning?
Will the highways of the Internet
Become more few?
How many hands have I shaked?
They misunderestimate me.
I am a pit bull on the pant leg of opportunity.
I know that the human being and the fish
can coexist.
Families are where our nation finds hope
where our wings take dream.
Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize society!
Make the pie higher!
Make the pie higher!
Toast and juice
Not long after their wedding, Scott and Lisa awake early one morning.
They are up for quite a while before they meet in the kitchen.
Marriage has been agreeing with Scott, and he greets his new wife with glee. �Sweetheart,� he says, �if you�ll just make the toast and pour the juice, breakfast will be ready.�
�Great! What are we having?� asks Lisa.
�Toast and juice,� replies Scott.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
You Know You’re a Programmer
You Know You’re a Programmer When …
When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.
When you are counting objects, you go ”0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D…”.
When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.
When your wife says ”If you don’t turn off that damn machine and come to bed, then I am going to divorce you!”, and you chastise her for for omitting the ”else” clause.
You try to s sleep(8 * 3600);
When you are reading a book and look for the scroll bar to get to the next page..
When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number…
When you get in the elevator and double-click the button for the floor you want.
When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than your postal one.
When you look for a icon to double-click to open your bedroom window.
When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that you’re doing the math in octal.
When you look for a trash can icon for throwing garbage.
Yo momma so nasty
Yo momma so nasty she puts salt in her pants to keep her crabs fresh.
Tony Applies for a Job
Tony went into the fish market to apply for a job.
The boss thought to himself – I’m not hiring that lazy Bronx kid, so he decided to set a test for Tony hoping he wouldn’t be able to answer the questions and he’d be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.
The first question was, “Without using numbers, represent the number 9.”
Tony says, “Dat’s easy” and proceeds to draw three trees.
The boss says, “What in the world is that?”
Tony says, “Tree ‘n tree ‘n tree makes nine.”
“Fair enough” says the boss. “Second questions, same rules, but represent 99”.
Tony stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree.
“Der ya go sir,” he says.
The boss scratches his head and asks, “How on earth do you get that to represent 99?”
Tony answers, “Each tree is dirty now, so it’s – dirty tree ‘n dirtytree ‘n dirty tree – dat 99.”
The boss is getting worried he’s going to have to hire Tony so he says, “All right, question number 3. Same rules again, but this time represent the number 100.”
Tony stares into space again, then he shouts, “I got it!” He makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, “Der ya go sir – 100.”
The boss looks at Tony’s attempt and thinks, “Ha! got him this time.”
He then tells Tony, “Go on Tony, you must be crazy if you think that represents a 100.”
Tony leans forward and points to the little marks at the tree bases and says, “A little dog comes along and craps by each tree”, so now ya got dirty tree an’ a turd, dirty tree an’ a turd, and dirty tree an ‘a turd, which makes 100.
“When do I start my job?”
Creative Dating
things to do on dates…
swing on swings
people-watch while walking around
watch UFOs
drive around and look at houses in ritzy neighborhoods
paint a mural on your bedroom wall
jump in leaf piles
go on mysterious double dates
have a water fight
have a food fight
visit caves
go creeking
play frisbee golf
play mud volleyball
play childrens games
imitate animals and try to guess them
clean out a closet together
be a counselor for a day camp
go to open houses and act interested in buying
create a scavenger hunt for one another
plan any random act of kindness
make a time capsule
make chocolate covered brussel sprouts
see a laser light show at the science center
go to garage sales and buy weird things
buy a dozen carnations and randomly give them to people
feed each other ice cream
play with “play-doh”
blow bubbles
make a silly video
throw a walleyball party
attend a murder mystery dinner
plan a murder mystery dinner and invite close friends as
suspects/victims