A team of archaeologists was digging in Israel when they found an old, worn
out rock. On the rock there were these drawings, in this order: a woman, a
donkey, a shovel, a fish, and a cross. The team was fascinated and was sure they
had found remnants of an unknown civilization. For months they researched and
tried to make sense of the drawings, and finally held a huge conference to tell
what they had come up with.
The team leader stood up and said, “Look here, the first picture is a woman.
We have determined that this means women were the dominant sex in this
civilization. The second symbol is a donkey. We think this means they had
domesticated animals. The third drawing is a shovel, showing they were
intelligent and used tools. Fourth there is a fish, which tells us they had
learned to reap from the sea as well as the land. Finally there is a cross,
which shows they were religious people. Any Questions?”
A Jew stands up in the back and says, “You said you found this in Israel. With
all due respect, sir, we read things from right to left in Hebrew. Those
pictures say, ‘Holy Mackerel Dig the Ass on that Woman!’ “
Author: admin
My Grandparents
After Christmas break, a teacher asked her young pupils to write an essay about how they spent their holidays. One small boy wrote the following:
We always used to spend Christmas with Grandpa and Grandma. They used to live here in a big brick home, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida. Now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people. They all live in little tin boxes. They ride on three-wheeled tricycles and they all wear name tags, because they don’t know who they are.
They go to a big building called a wrecked hall, but if it was wrecked, they got it fixed because it is alright now. They play games and do exercises there, but they don’t do them very good. There is a swimming pool there. They go in it and just stand there with their hats on. I guess they don’t know how to swim.
As you go into their park, there is a doll house with a little man sitting in it. He watches all day so they can’t get out without him seeing them. When they can sneak out they go to the beach and pick up shells that they think are dollars.
My grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody cooks, they just eat out. They eat the same thing every night – early birds. Some of the people are so retarded they don’t know how to cook at all, so my Grandma and Grandpa bring food into the wrecked hall and they call it “Pot Luck”.
My Grandma says Grandpa worked all his life and earned his retardment. I wish they would move back up here, but I guess the little man in the doll house won’t let them out.
Numeric Riddle
Q. What did the 0 say to the 8?A. I like your belt!–Submitted by Karina
What’s Your IQ?
A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed. A guy came in for a drink
and the robot asked him, “What’s your IQ?”
The man replied, “130.” So the robot proceeded to make conversation about
physics, astronomy, investments, insurance, and so on. The man listened intently
and thought, “This is really cool.”
Another guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, “What’s your IQ?”
The man responded, “100.” So the robot started talking about football,
baseball and so on. The man thought to himself, “Wow, this is really cool.”
A third guy came into the bar. As with the others, the robot asked him,
“What’s your IQ?”
The man replied, “70.” The robot then said, “So, what’s the Democratic Party
up to these days?”
Going to the Doctors
There was this guy who was sick so he went to the doctor. The doc ran
some
tests and sent him home with some medicine. The next day the doctor
called
and the wife answered.
“I’m going to have to run a few more tests”, the doctor said “I’m going
to
need a semen, urine and a fecal sample”.
After she hung up the husband asked, “What did the doctor say?”
“Oh the doctor is going to need a pair of your underwear”.
Herd of Cows
A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be “macho,” so he went out walking with one of the hired hands. As they were walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation: “Say, look at that big bunch of cows.”
The hired hand replied, “Not ‘bunch,’ but ‘herd.’ “
“Heard what?”
“Herd of cows.”
“Sure, I’ve heard of cows. There’s a big bunch of ’em right over there.”
Train conductor
A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5 year old son playing
with his new electric train in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son saying, “All of you sons of bitches who
want off, get the hell off now… cause this is the last stop! And all of you
sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train cause we’re
going down the tracks”
The horrified mother went in and told her son, “We don’t use that kind of
language in this house. Now, I want you to go to your room and you are to stay
there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train… but I
want you to use nice language.”
Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his
train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say… “All
passengers, please remember to take all of your
belongings with you. We thank you and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We
hope you will ride with us again soon.”
She heard her little darling continue… “For those of you just boarding,
remember there is no smoking in the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and
relaxing journey with us today.”
As the mother began to smile, the child added, “For those of you who are
pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the
kitchen…”
Difference
Do you know the difference between Inlaws and Outlaws ?
Outlaws are always wanted.
On top
Why does Hillary Clinton always climb on top?
Because Bill can only fuck up.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
Knock KnockWho’s there?Nana!Nana who?Nana you
Knock KnockWho’s there?Nana!Nana who?Nana you business!
The Top 14 Signs Your SUV Is Too Damn Big (Part I)
14> Your kids refer to riding the bus to school as “downsizing.”
13> Before go you out, you have to file for a parade permit.
12> You’re the first one in your neighborhood to own a 2004 Halliburton-Savior S-Class.
11> It has its own gravitational field and has drawn a Geo Metro into its orbit.
10> There are two successful Starbucks franchises located in the back seat.
9> It doubles as a carport for your Taurus.
8> It’s great for soccer moms, since the back seat folds down into an entire field, complete with goals.
7> You need a Sherpa and an oxygen tank to reach the driver’s seat.
6> Your buddy riding shotgun is in a different time zone.
5> Mortgage payment = $2200. Texaco card payment = $2201.
4> When you pull up to the pharmacy window, they already have the package of extra small condoms bagged and ready to go.
3> You get a letter from Hans Blix demanding that it be dismantled immediately.
2> Due to new military intel that has narrowed the search down to the inside of your vehicle, President Bush remains confident that Osama Bin Laden will someday be found.
1> The fuel gauge doubles as a fan.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
Blonde on the Computer, the Mouse
How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?
There is cheese in front of the mouse!