What is the chemical name for Viagra?
Mycoxafailin.
Author: admin
Johnny’s Letter to Baby Jesus
Little Johnny is told by his mother that he has been VERY bad this year.”What?! Nothing for Christmas?” cried little Johnny.”Well,” said Mum, “maybe if you write a letter to baby Jesus and tell him how sorry you are, Santa will bring you some presents.”The little boy returned to his room and began his letter.With each attempt at writing, he would first apologise and then promise to be good for a certain amount of time. Each letter was crumpled up and started over again, making the “be good” time shorter with each letter.Finally, in frustration he gave up and then was struck by a bolt of inspiration!Running to the living room he carefully removed the little Mother Mary figure from the family’s manger scene and carefully wrapped it in a sock, placing it in his top drawer.Returning to his desk, he took out a piece of paper and began to write:”Dear Baby Jesus, if you ever want to see your Mother again …”
Black magic
An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a fight, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night.
A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most… “When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!”
They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.
He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions:
Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? That this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?
The wife put down her drink and said. . .
“Nah… let the old man dig. I had him buried upside down!”
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
Macho man!
Typical “macho man” marries a typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, lays down the following rules:
“I’ll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don’t expect any hassle from you!
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozin, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don’t you give me a hard time about it! Those are my rules…any comments?”
His new bride matter of factly says, “No, that’s fine with me.
Just understand one thing… there will be sex here at seven o’clock every night – whether you’re HOME or not!”
Rumors
Way down in the deep south, in an area known as the ‘Bible Belt,’ there lived a Baptist minister with a very large congregation. One morning, after a particularly moving sermon, he announced, “Friends I have been hearing very nasty rumors!”
The crowd fell into an expectant silence. The Minister continued, “One of you, here among us, has been reporting that I am a member of the dreaded ‘Klu Klux Klan.’ This, of course, is not true! I am asking that the guilty party confess and apologize now – right here – before my flock of loyal followers.”
Sister Margaret quickly stood up and pleaded, “Preacher, please, I don’t know how this all came to be. I just mentioned to one of my close friends that you were a wizard under the sheets.”
Gwapes
A duck walks into a store and walks up to the clerk behind the counter,the clerk says “May I help you?” “Got any gwapes?” says the duck. “No I am sorry.” Says the clerk. So the duck leaves and comes back the next day and to the same clerk says “Got any gwapes?” “No!” says the clerk “We still do not have any grapes”So the duck goes home and the next day comes back and once again they do not have grapes!So the clerk in frustration says”Look we do not and will not have any grapes if you come back and ask me again i will staple your mouth shut and staple your feet to the ground!”So the next day the duck comes back and goes to the same clerk and says “Got any staples?” “No.” Says the clerk “Good!” Says the duck “Got any gwapes?”
Cow Reflexes
What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef Jerky!
The disapearing dollar!
3 sales men are traveling they need to find a place to stop and rest so they go to a hotel the clerk says ok that will be $15 so each of them brings out $5 and go up to there room the manager comes by the clerk and says you over charged them it was suppose to be only $10 so the clerk takes out $5 out of the cash register and is thinking how am i going to split $5 between 3 people so he pockets $2 and gives each of the people $1 back well then that means that each of them would have only payed $4 so 4 times 3 is $12 plus the $2 the guy pocketed which is $14 so what happened to the dollar?
Sick Doctor
A doctor was waiting for his next patient and when they arrived, it was a
gorgeous blonde. The doctor almost lost his control because he was so attracted.
He let all professionalism go out the window and walked over to her. “What is
your name miss?” he asked. “Allie” she replied. He began to feel her breasts
because he was so wild with desire, and he said: “do you know what I am doing
Allie?” she said, “yes, you are checking lumbs in my breasts.” “Yes, that’s
right” he replied. He then began to rub his hands up and down her body. He said
to her “allie, do you know what I am doing now?” “Yes,” she said, “you are
checking me for any skin imperfections.” “That�s right,� he said. He finally
lost all control and began to have intercourse with the woman. “Now do you know
what I am doing Allie?” he asked, absolutely having the time of his life. “Yes,”
she said, “getting herpes which is why I came to see you.”
Dos tipos adictos al cigarrillo
Dos tipos adictos al cigarrillo deciden caminar hasta la cima de una monta�a, cada cual con sus cigarros aparte. Sin embargo, uno de ellos se acab� m�s de la mitad de sus tabacos de subida; de regreso, al no quedarle ninguno, decide pedirle a su compa�ero, pero aquel se niega argumentando que le quedaban pocos. Tanto insiste, que el otro accede a darle un cigarro con una condici�n: que se baje los pantalones y se deje follar.
“�Qu� pas�, compadre, no que nosotros muy hombres!”
Tanta era la necesidad de nicotina, que despu�s de un rato acepta. Tiempo despu�s pide otro tabaco aceptando el trato. Ya casi para llegar, nuevamente pide otro cigarrillo.
“Lo siento, ya no traigo”.
Baj�ndose los pantalones, el m�s vicioso le contesta:
“No importa, me lo das en el pueblo”.
Doctor’s Diagnosis
A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace the aging doctor there. The older doctor suggested that the younger doctor accompany him as he made his house calls so that the people of the community could become accustomed to him.At the first house they visited, the younger doctor listened intently as the older doctor and an older lady discussed the weather, their grandchildren and the latest church bulletin. After some time, the older doctor asked his patient how she had been feeling.”I’ve been a little sick to my stomach,” she replied.”Well,” said the older physician, “you’ve probably been over doing it a bit with the fresh fruit. Why don’t you cut back on the amount of fresh fruit you eat and see if that helps.”As they left the house, the younger doctor asked how the older doctor had reached his diagnosis so quickly.”You didn’t even examine that woman,” the younger doctor stated.”I didn’t have to,” the elder physician explain. “You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there. Well when I bent over to pick it up, I looked around and noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash can. That is probably what has been making her ill.””That’s pretty sneaky,” commented the younger doctor. “Do you mind if I try it at the next house?””I don’t suppose it could hurt anything,” the elder physician replied.At the next house, the two doctors visited with an elderly widow. They spent several minutes discussing the weather and grandchildren and the latest church bulletin. After several minutes, the younger doctor asked the widow how she had been feeling lately.”I’ve felt terribly run down lately,” the widow replied. “I just don’t have as much energy as I used to.””You’ve probably been doing too much work for the church,” the younger doctor suggested without even examining his patient. “Perhaps you should ease up a bit and see if that helps.”As they left, the elder physician said, “Your diagnosis is probably right, but do you mind telling me how you came to that conclusion?””Sure,” replied the younger doctor. “Just like you, I dropped my stethoscope on the floor. When I bent down to pick it up, I looked around and there was the preacher hiding under the bed!”
Yo mama is so flat
Yo mama so flat she’s jealous of a piece of paper!