What does micheal jackson like so much about 20 8 year olds?
Ther is twenty of them.
Author: admin
The Blond and The Irishman
A blond and an Irish man are casully having a conversation when
the blond notices that the Irishman has a sticker on his left
foot with a “L” printed on it and a sticker on his right foot
with an “R” on it.
When inquiring about this the Irishman replies, “It’s so I can
tell my left from my right”
After a few minutes silence the blond says, “Oooohhhh that’s why
I have C & A printed in my knickers!”
Poker game
Little Johnny had become a real nuisance while his father tried
to concentrate on his Saturday afternoon poker game with friends
and relatives. His father tried every way possible to get Johnny
to occupy himself…television, ice cream, homework,
videogames…but the youngster insisted on running back and
forth behind the players and calling out the cards they held.
The other players became so annoyed that they threatened to quit
the game and all go home. At this point, the boy’s uncle stood
up, took Johnny by the hand, and led him out of the room.
The uncle soon returned back to the poker table without Johnny,
and without comment the game resumed. For the rest of the
afternoon, little Johnny was nowhere to be seen and the card
players continued without any further interruptions. After the
poker game ended, the father asked Johnny’s uncle, “What in the
world did you say to Johnny? I haven’t heard a peep from him all
day!” “Not much,” the boy’s uncle replied. “I just showed him
how to masturbate.”
Panties
Q:why do women wear flower printed panties?
A:it is the memory of men buried in there.
Stock Market Worries
While the U.S. stock market was at an all time high, the ups and downs
frightened a lot of small investors. A guy went to his financial adviser at the
bank and asks if he were worried.
He replied that he slept like a baby.
He was amazed and asked, “Really? Even with all the fluctuations?”
He said, “Yes. I sleep for a couple of hours, then wake up and cry for a
couple of hours.”
Top causes of Oakwood Fire Alarms
Top Causes of Oakwood Fire Alarms
1. Aeresol spray cans.
2. Fog machines.
3. Southsiders burning popcorn in the old microwave.
4. System glitch.
5. Southsiders burning popcorn in the old microwave…again.
6. See number 5.
7. System glitch…again.
8. Southsiders burning popcorn in the new microwave.
9. It’s our good old friend, system glitch.
10. yet to be determined.
In short, between the southsiders and the fact that our alarm system is a piece of slag, we have had only 1 planned drill.
P.S. All of the above like to occur at 2:00 a.m. or later.
Yo mama is so fat
Yo mama so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.
Microsoft to the Rescue
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft’s electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter’s position and course to steer to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter’s window. The pilot’s sign said “WHERE AM I?” in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said “YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER.”
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the “YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER” sign helped determine their position.
The pilot responded “I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because, similar to their help-lines, they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer.”
A guy sees a pretty lady at the
A guy sees a pretty lady at the end of the bar and is interested in buying her a drink. He tells the bartender that he will buy her another of whatever she is drinking. The bartender says ”OK, I’ll pour it for her. But just for your information, she’s a hooker. She’ll do what you want for money.”
The drink gets delivered and the woman makes eyes at the guy, inviting him over. After a couple of minutes of chatting, the guy gets up the nerve to ask her: ”The bartender says you’re a hooker, is that true?”
The woman says ”Yes. I do it for the money. In fact, I’ll do anything for $200.”
The guy thinks for a minute and then pulls out $200, gives it to her and says ”Paint my house.”
Some thing strange
whats green and at a flick of a switch goes red???
a frog in a blender
Iraq Joke
“Turkey has voted not to allow U.S. troops into their country and Saddam
Hussein said ‘You can do that?'” .Jay Leno
“War continues in Iraq. They’re calling it Operation Iraqi Freedom.They were
going to call it Operation Iraqi Liberation until they realized that spells
‘OIL.'” .Jay Leno
“Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the
willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain.”
.JonStewart
“According to the New York Times, Saddam Hussein has mined all
his oil fields, planted bombs in all his major cities, he’s got bombs in the
military installations, in the airports, and he’s mined all the government
buildings. There’s not much left for us to do, really.” .JayLeno
“Good news for Iraq. There’s a 50 percent chance that President Bush will
confuse it with Iran.” .Craig Kilborn
“President Bush spent last night calling world leaders to support the war with
Iraq and it is sad when the most powerful man on earth is yelling, ‘I know
you’re there, pick up, pick up.” .Craig Kilborn
“President Bush spent the day calling names he couldn’t pronounce in countries
he never knew existed.” .Jay Leno
“President Bush found out something this week. Between the countries of
Cameroon, Chile, Angola and Syria, Angola plays the best music whenthey put you
on hold.” .Craig Kilborn
“As you all know we’re about to start March Madness. That’s NCAA college
basketball tournament when they start with 64 teams and you whittle them down to
just one, you know kind of like our allies.” .Jay Leno
“CNN said that after the war, there is a plan to divide Iraq into threeparts
… regular, premium and unleaded.” .Jay Leno
A lot of students around the country protested the war today. The National
Youth and Student Peace Coalition sponsored an anti- war organization called
‘Books Not Bombs.’ President Bush said, ‘Why do you want to drop books on
them?'” .Jay Leno
“My wife wanted to go somewhere expensive for the weekend. So, I took her down
the street to the local Texaco.” .Jay Leno
“Experts say that if we go to war with Iraq, oil could reach as much as $80 a
barrel. Of course, after the war it will be free.” .Jay Leno
“Saddam Hussein also challenged President Bush to a debate. The Butcher of
Baghdad vs. the Butcher of the English language.” .Jay Leno
“President Bush announced tonight that he believes in democracy and that
democracy can exist in Iraq. They can have a strong economy, they can have a
good health care plan, and they can have a free and fair voting.Iraq? We can’t
even get this in Florida.” .Jay Leno
“In an interview with Dan Rather, Saddam has challenged President Bush to a
live, televised debate. I think this would be fair, since English is a second
language to both of them.” .Jay Leno
“President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage
war, and I’m thinking, well, hell, he didn’t need the approval of the American
voters to become president, either.” .David Letterman
In a speech earlier today President Bush said if Iraq gets rid of Saddam
Hussein, he will help the Iraqi people with food, medicine, supplies, housing,
education . anything that’s needed. Isn’t that amazing? He finally comes up with
a domestic agenda. and it’s for Iraq.Maybe we could bring that here if it works
out.” .Jay Leno
“Secretary of State Colin Powell addressed the United Nations Security
Council, offering a compelling 90-minute presentation that not only furthered
his case but reminded the world why America is second to none in the field of
PowerPoint.” .Jay Leno
“You know why the French don’t want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates
America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people.” .Conan
O’Brien
“The state of Texas executed its third prison inmate this week. This
week. In fact, they don’t even have a last meal anymore, now it’s a buffet.”
.Jay Leno
“I read today that the president was interrupted 73 times by applause and 75
times by really big words.” .Jay Leno
“This week officials from France, Russia and Germany accused President Bush of
having a fondness for war. Yeah, when asked about it, a spokesman for Bush said,
‘It’s a one syllable word, of course he’s fond of it.'” .Conan O’Brien
Heaven Wishes
100 men were waiting at the pearly gates of heaven to go when god appeared.
He said “since as you have all lived such good lifes, i will grant you all
one wish each!”
So, turning to guy No.1 he said “what would you like as your wish?”
“To be beautiful” was his reply, and so it was done.
God asked the question to man 2 and he also said to be beautiful.
Then they all were saying it and when it got to guy number 14, number 100 at the back began to giggle …
Guy 28 was saying he wanted to be beautiful when man 100 laughed out loud, and he got a piercing stare from everyone.
By the time it got to man 84, the number 100 was rollling on the floor
laughing his head off!!! But they all ignored him.
After man numero 99 said he wished to be hansome (a bit of variation!) the
guy 100 finally got his wish.
But first God asked why he was laughing, “no reason” he said; so God
shrugged his shoulders and asked him the same question as all the others:
“what do you want?”
The 100th guy said “To make them all butt-ugly again!”