A Tennessee man came up with the idea for his new email address after people told him he was stupid running for mayor. Now Ray Williams can be contacted in Spring Hill via [email protected]. He says he tries to avoid the pompousness often associated with politicians.”I had so many people telling me I was stupid for running for mayor because it’s such a pain, that when I was elected to a second term, I decided this was the right email address for me,” he said. Mr Williams added: “A lot of times, you see politicians putting themselves up on a pedestal. Why? We’re no higher than anyone else, and many times we’re lower. So this email address was just a lighthearted way to look at yourself.”
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Wool!
Q. Did you know they just discovered a new use for sheep in New Zealand?
A. Wool!
O.J’s Thanksgiving
Why was OJ’s mom happy that OJ got out of jail before Thanksgiving?
He was the only one in the family that could carve white meat.
I don’t usually pass on unhappy news like…
I don’t usually pass on unhappy news like this, and I know you are busy,
but sometimes we have to pause and remember the things that have deeply
affected our lives. The entertainment world experienced a great loss
today. The composer of the song “Hokey Pokey” died. What really made his
passing so distressing is that they had trouble keeping the body in the
casket.
They’d put his left leg in, he’d put his left leg out… and…well, you
know the rest…
Le pregunta el profesor a
Le pregunta el profesor a Pepito: “�Pepito, cu�l fue la reina que ayud� a Crist�bal Col�n para que hiciera su viaje a tierras indias?” “Profe, una ayudita.” Le contesta el profesor: “La reina de Espa… la reina de Espa…”
“La reina de espadas, profesor.”
Q: How many programmers
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: Wait! Maybe the bulb isn’t broken. Let’s try it again.
Perverted Facts of Life
How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!
What did the Indian say when the white man tied his penis in a knot?
“How come?”
What’s the definition of a teenager?
God’s punishment for enjoying sex.
Did you hear the slogan for the Stealth Condom?
They’ll never see you coming.
What do you call kinky sex with chocolate?
S&M&M.
What does Kodak film have in common with a condom?
They both capture that special moment.
Define Transvestite:
A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!
Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders?
A scrotum pole!
What’s the ultimate in rejection?
When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
Why don’t debutantes go to orgies?
There’d be too many thank you notes to write.
What is every Amish woman’s private fantasy?
Two Mennonite!
Why is sex like a game of bridge?
If you have a good hand, you don’t need a partner.
Can you say three two letter words that denote small?
Is it in?
What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A bingo machine.
What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers?
One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year.
The Blonde's Hai
One day a blonde walked into a barber shop and asked for a hair cut. when the barber asked her how she wanted it she said any way, just don’t take of my headphones.She went into the barber shop every day for a month and told the barber the same thing every day.One day the barber decided to see what would happen when he took off the headphones. When he did the blonde grabbed her neck then fell over dead. When the barber listened to the headphones they were saying breathe in breathe out….
Billy Bobs New Job
Billy Bob wanted a job as a signalman on the railways. He was told to meet the inspector at the signal box.The inspector asked, “What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading for each other on the same track?”Billy Bob replied, “I would switch the points for one of the trains.””What if the lever broke?” asked the inspector.”Then I’d dash down out of the signal box,” said Billy Bob, “and I’d use the manual lever over there.””What if that had been struck by lightning?””Then,” Billy Bob continued, “I’d run back into the signal box and phone the next signal box.””What if the phone was busy?””Well in that case,” persevered Billy Bob, “I’d rush down out of the box and use the public emergency phone at the level crossing up there.””What if that was vandalized?””Oh, well then I’d run into town and go get my Uncle Lester.”This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, “Why would you do that?”Billy Bob answered, “Well, Uncle Lester ain’t never seen a train wreck!”
Yo momma so stupid
Yo momma so stupid it takes her 2hours to watch 60 minutes.
You clean your nails with
You clean your nails with a stick.You prefer car keys to Q-tips.Your Christmas cards have a copy of your butt included.
Kids in Hospital
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room.
The first kid leans over and asks, “What are you in here for?”
The second kid says, “I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.”
The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It’s a breeze!”
The second kid then asks, “What are you here for?”
The first kid says, “A circumcision.”
And the second kid says, “Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I couldn’t walk for a year!”