I once had a science teacher who called a quiz, a quizacle. Well I asked
him……….”if you call quizes quizacles, what do you call tests?”
Author: admin
EASY ISNT IT
HOW DO KILL A BLOND?
YOU PUT A SMELLY STICKER AT THE BOTTEM OF A FILLED UP POOL FULL OF WATER AND TELL HER TO GO DOWN THERE AND SMELL IT THEN COME AND TELL ME WHAT IT SMELLS LIKE
Thanskgiving night
it was the day before thanksgiving and the dad was upstairs shaving and he cut himself and said shit and the little boy said what does that mean and the father said its another word for shaving the mom and the dad had an argument the mom said you bitch you bastered and the boy said what does that mean and they said its another word for ladies and jentlemen so the mom was downstairs cleaning the turkey and she cut herself and said fuck the boy said what does that mean its another word for cleaning the turkey and the doorbell rang the little boy said to the guest hello bitches and bastereds my dad is upstairs shaving the shit off his face and moms in the kitchen fucking the turkey.
Magic
Two fraternity brothers decide to go sailing one afternoon
and become lost. After twenty hours with nothing to eat or
drink, one of them spots a lamp floating by. He picks it up
and a genie pops out. The genie notices the poor condition
of the brothers and grants them one wish between the two of
them.
After a lot of arguing over who gets the wish, one of them
blurts out, “I wish the ocean was made of beer.”
Magically, the ocean turns to beer.
Infuriated, the other guy yells, “You idiot! Now we have to
piss in the boat!”
Question and answer blonde joke
Q: Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?A: The noise gave her a headache.
Way to go gran
An 83-year-old woman decided that she’s seen and done everything and that the time had come to depart from this world.
After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she came to the conclusion that the quickest and surest method would be to shoot herself through the heart.
The trouble was she wasn’t certain about exactly where her heart was, so she phoned her doctor and asked him.
He told her that her heart was located two inches below her left nipple.
So she shot herself in the left hip.
Early retirement
The pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired right away, his full annual benefits PLUS $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line along the retiring general’s body between two points he chose.
The first general accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. 6 feet. He walked out with a check for $720,000.
The second general asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. 8 feet. He walked out with a check for $960,000.
Meantime, the first general had tipped off the third. When he was asked where to measure, he told the pension man, “from the tip of my penis to the tip of my testicles.” The pension man said that would be fine but he’d better get the Medical Officer to do the measuring.
The Medical Officer attended and asked the general to drop ’em… he did… The Medical Officer placed the tape on the tip of the general’s penis and began to work back.
“My God!”, he said, “where are your testicles?”
The general replied, “back in Vietnam!”
Old man
An elderly man tells the Doctor he is planning on marrying a women of 30, and would he have any suggestions.
Yes, says the Doctor I would advise you to take in a boarder.
A year later at his 80th year check-up, the Doctor asks how everything is going. He says fine his wife is pregnant.
The Doctor remarks, so you took my advise and took in a boarder ?
Yes I did, is the reply, and she’s pregnant also…..
Batman and Robin
What did Batman say to Robin before they got into the car?
Robin, get into the car.
From the Emergency Room
* You’ve ever had to contend with someone who thinks constipation for 4 hours is a medical emergency.
* You have four categories of patients; urgent, emergent, non-emergent, and S.I.O. (sleeping it off.)
* You’ve ever entered a patient’s chief complaint as “I’m drunk.”
* You refer to motorcyclists as “organ donors.”
* You’ve ever had a patient with a nose-ring tell you “I’m afraid of shots.”
* You stare at someone in utter disbelief when he or she actually covers his or her mouth when coughing.
* You’ve ever thought “as long as he’s got a pulse, I won’t worry about that rhythm.”
* You’ve ever referred to a body bag as a “To Go” bag.
* You can identify the “P.I.D. shuffle” at a distance of 15 feet and the “Kidney Stone Squirm” at 20.
* You’ve identified the ULTIMATE Cruel Practical Joke; (get someone drunk, then take them to the ER and announce that they’ve overdosed on “some kind of pills” just prior to arrival.)
* You think of chocolate, coffee, Coca-Cola and the cafeteria’s frozen yogurt when anyone mentions the 4 food groups.
* You’ve ever heard the radio report from the ambulance and sadly put the morgue bag on the cart before the patient arrives.
* You think that the announcement of an impending arrival in 5 minutes of two adults in a serious MVA on back boards with sirens on and anxiety at level 10 would be a great opportunity to eat lunch… (and you know that this is more time than you usually get.)
* You have ever heard triage nurse first ask, “Is it urgent?” when interrupted from the first break in hours.
* You feel that you can diagnose passersby at the mall based on physical presentation.
* You don’t have to ask “frequent flyers” any medical history questions because you can fill it out from memory.
* You can keep a straight face as the patient responds “I just had two beers.”
* You automatically multiply by 3 the number of drinks they claim to have daily.
* You give the local drunks tips on where to sleep so they (and you) won’t be disturbed by a return visit.
Leave
Knock-Knock.
Whose there?
Nobody.
Nobody who?
Nobody wants you here.
Catholics again.
Warnings to anyone who is Catholic and ‘sensitive’ to such humor. A recently deceased fellow stands before St. Peter and askes to be let into Heaven. St. Peter asks his religion, and the fellow replies ‘Episcopalian.’ St. Peter says: ‘Welcome to Heaven. Go to room 24. Please be very quiet as you pass room 8’.Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. ‘Religion’? ‘Baptist’. ‘Go to room 18. But be very quiet as you pass room 8’.A third man arrives at the gates. ‘Religion?’ ‘Jewish.’ ‘Go to room 11, but please be very quiet as you pass room 8’.The man says, ‘I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?’St. Peter tells him, ‘Well the Catholics are in room 8, and they think they’re the only ones here’.