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The Top 12 Fun Things To Do in Detention

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12. If a girl is sitting next to you, say “Boy, your mustache is
really growing in nicely.” If a guy is sitting next to you, say
“That eyeshadow does wonders for you. You MUST tell me where you
got it.”

11. Declare war on the people on the other side of the room.
Take hostages using a can of silly string.

10. Take on multiple personalities–the more the better. Engage
in loud, boisterous conversations using each one of them.

9. Start a sing-along

8. Bring a whoopie cushion. Deflate it at random times. This
works well if several people are involved (trust me. I know.)

7. Make a sculpture out of all the pre-chewed gum wads under the
desks.

6. Pay someone $5 to eat the sculpture

5. Conduct several science experements like “How big of a
spitwad can you make” and “whats that smell?”

4. Duct tape someone to the wall.

3. If an announcement comes over the PA system, cower under your
desk and scream “NO! It’s those voices again!!”

2. Claim that you should be let go because the school didn’t
“read you your rights” when you were given the detention.

1. Bring CD’s of bands like ABBA, Grand Funk Railroad, Billy Ray
Cyrus, The Village People, and the Bee Gees. Threaten to play
them if you are not released.

The professor

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The professor of a contract law class asked one of his better students, “If
you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?”
The student replied, “Here’s an orange.”
The professor was outraged. “No! No! Think like a lawyer!”

The student then replied, “Okay. I’d tell him `I hereby give and convey to you
all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and
advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and
seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and
otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice,
rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds,
instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise
notwithstanding…'”

Things That Sound Dirty

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* “Whew, that’s one terrific spread!”
* “I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.”

* “Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.”

* “Talk about a huge breast!”

* “It’s Cool Whip time!”

* “If I don’t undo my pants, I’ll burst!”

* “Are you ready for seconds yet?”

* “Are you going to come again next Year?”

* “It’s a little dry, do you still want to eat it?”

* “Just wait your turn, you’ll get some!”

* “Don’t play with your meat.”

* “Just spread the legs open & stuff it in.”

* “Do you think you’ll be able to handle all these people at once?”

* “I didn’t expect everyone to come at once!”

* “You still have a little bit on your chin.”

* “Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it.”

* “How long will it take after you stick it in?”

* “You’ll know it’s ready when it pops up.”

* “Wow, I didn’t think I could handle all of that!”

* “How many are coming?”

* “That’s the biggest one I’ve ever seen!”

* “Just lay back & take it easy…I’ll do the rest.”

* “How long do I beat it before it’s ready?”

You Seen Your Wife?

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A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being pay-day, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheque.When He finally appeared at home, Sunday Night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him.”How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”To which he replied.”That would be fine with me.”Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

Viagra, again, and again and ….

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Drug stores are being forced to increase security in the face of a rash of Viagra thefts. Authorities believe the thefts are being carried out by ‘hardened criminals.’ Did you hear about the first documented over-dose of Viagra ? Some guy took 11 pills…………his wife died. Side effects of Viagra: If you don’t swallow pills fast enough, you get a stiff neck. What do you get if you mix Viagra with Rogaine? Don King.

Todos los ni�os hab�an salido

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Todos los ni�os hab�an salido en la fotograf�a y la maestra estaba tratando de persuadirlos a cada uno de comprar una copia de la fotograf�a del grupo.

“Imag�nense qu� bonito ser� cuando ya sean grandes todos y digan ‘All� est� Catalina, es abogada,’ o tambi�n ‘Ese es Miguel. Ahora es doctor.”

Son� una vocecita desde atr�s del sal�n:

“Y all� est� la maestra. Ya se muri�.”