Q: Why is Bill Clinton’s economic plan called positively atheist?
A: Because it hasn’t got a prayer.
Author: admin
Un loro que viv�a en
Un loro que viv�a en un prost�bulo ten�a la man�a de repetir todos los d�as, a manera de queja, lo siguiente:
“La misma casa, las mismas mujeres, los mismos clientes”.
Al d�a siguiente lo mismo. Las prostitutas lo amenazaban y �l segu�a diciendo:
“La misma casa, las mismas mujeres, los mismos clientes”.
As�, todos los d�as con lo mismo, hasta que un buen d�a las meretrices le pegaron hasta dejarlo casi moribundo y lo botaron a la calle. En ese momento pasaban un par de monjas que tuvieron compasi�n del periquito y lo llevaron al convento. El ave, luego de recuperarse, se despierta en la iglesia, abre los ojos y se asombra exclamando:
“Diferente casa, diferentes mujeres pero los mismos clientes”.
Super Bowl Tragedy
Bob received a free ticket to the Super Bowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrived at the stadium he realized the seat was in the last row in the corner of the stadium. He was closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field!
About halfway through the first quarter, Bob noticed an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50-yard line. He decided to take a chance and made his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat.
As he sat down, he asked the gentleman sitting next to him, “Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?” The man said “No.”
Very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob said to the man next to him, “This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Super Bowl and not use it?!”
The man replied, “Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven’t been to together since we got married in 1967.”
“That’s really sad,” said Bob, “but still, couldn’t you find someone to take the seat? A relative or a close friend?”
“No,” the man replied, “they’re all at the funeral!”
Rejected Greeting Card Sentiments
GREETING CARDS UNSUCCESSFULLY MARKETED BY HALLMARK
1. Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! ‘Cause when I got one… I got real snippy.
2. I heard you had herpes…and I feel terrible…I’d say “Get well soon”…but I know it’s incurable.
3. My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat. When I looked at the tire….I found your cat…Sorry!
4. You had your bladder removed and you’re on the mends…. here’s a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends.
5. You’ve announced that you’re gay, and won’t that be a laugh, when they find out you’re one of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
6. So your daughter’s a hooker, and it spoiled your day… look at the bright side, she’s a really good lay.
7. Heard your wife left you… How upset you must be…Don’t fret about your wife though… She’s moving in with me.
8. Your computer is dead… and it was so alive… you shouldn’t have installed… Win’95.
9. You totalled your car… and can’t remember why… maybe it was… that case of Bud Dry
10. So you lost your job… It’s one of those hardships in life… Next time, work harder… and stay away from the boss’s wife.
The Best Time?
When is the best time to fake an orgasm?
When a rotteweiler is f**king your leg.
Question and answer Clinton joke
Q: Why did the IRS recently audit Bill Clinton? A: Because he filed as head of the household.
Guy’s – Don’t Do This On A Date
There are LOTS of ways to ruin a date. Here are a few things NOT to say on a date…
“I really don’t like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.”
“I refuse to get cable. That’s how they keep tabs on you.”
“I used to come here all the time with my ex.”
“Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn’t hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.”
“I really feel that I’ve grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn’t have given someone like you a second look.”
“And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest.”
“I know you said you don’t eat anything with a face. But a good butcher will cut that part off for you if you ask.”
“It’s been tough, but I’ve come to accept that most people I date just won’t be as smart as I am.”
“I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn’t hurt to consider it.
Fur Coat
Buying a Fur CoatWatching her mother as she tried on her new fur coat, young Jackie said unhappily, “Mom, do you realize some poor dumb beast suffered so you could have that?”The woman shot her an angry look, “Jackie, how dare you talk about your father like that!”
Scientific Observation
A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house.
The Physicist says: “The measurement wasn’t accurate.”
The Biologist concludes: “They have reproduced.”
The Mathematician says: “Now if another person enters the house, it’ll be empty again.”
Peeping Tom
Q: What is the difference between a peeping tom and a robber?
A: A robber snatches watches.
Constipated Owls
What’s the difference between a constipated owl and a bad
marksman?
One shoots but can’t hit, the other hoots but can’t shit!
A pretty nifty joke
why is the pig eating so fast , because he is hungry