My wife and I had just moved into the neighborhood. We received a card from
Sears (the camp of the enemy) saying “since you are new in town, would you like
to apply for a credit card?” Sure, we decided, filled out the application, and
returned it. Several weeks later we got a rejection from Sears saying “Sorry, we
cannot issue to you a credit card.” Reason? “You haven’t been in town long
enough.”
Author: admin
Clinton one-liner
The trouble with political jokes is that the dumbest one of them got elected President.
Oil price
Oil is up to 60 dollars a barrel.
In fact, today President Bush declared war on Alaska.
-Jay Leno
IT vs. Business
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He
reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon
further and shouts: “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”
The man below says: “Yes you’re in a hot air balloon, hovering
30 feet above this field.”
“You must work in Information Technology,” says the balloonist.
“I am.” replies the man. “How did you know.”
“Well,” says the balloonist, “Everything you have told me is
technically correct, but it’s no use to anyone.”
The man below says, “You must work in business.”
“I do,” replies the balloonist, “But how did you know?”
“Well,” says the man, “You don’t know where you are, or where
you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in
the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.”
Microsoft and Apple
A popular joke making the rounds in Redmond Washington has Bill Gates sending a sizzling e-mail to his chief financial officer, Greg Maffei: ‘You spent $150 million on what?????? ‘Don’t you listen? I said, ‘Snapple!”
Twisted Stuff
late one night in the middle of the day, two dead soldiers got
up to fight, back to back they faced each other, pulled out
their swords and shot one another, a deaf policeman heard the
noise and shot the twice dead boys, if you don’t believe me ask
the blind man who saw it all through a knothole in a wooden
brick wall
ladies and gentlemen I stand before you to stand behind you and
tell you something I know nothing about, Thursday which is good
Friday we are having a fathers day celebration for mothers only,
admission is free, pay at the door pull out a chair and sit on
the floor
Did you see Monica Lewinsky
Did you see Monica Lewinsky had an advertisement with a white ring around
her mouth?
It said, “Not Milk”
Clinton one-liner
Reporter 1: The cult members seem totally brainwashed, and still place their blind faith in a false savior offering hollow promises of salvation!Reporter 2: And that concludes our report from the Clinton White House.
Knock KnockWho’s there?Cash!Cash who?I knew
Knock KnockWho’s there?Cash!Cash who?I knew you were nuts!
Exam worries
A young student reports for a final examination that consists of only true/false – type statements.
The student takes a seat in the hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet.
Heads means true, tails means false.
The young student is all done in 20 minutes while the rest of the class is sweating it out.
But, suddenly during the last few minutes, the young student is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating.
The teacher, alarmed, approaches the student and asks what is going on.
‘Well I finished the exam in half an hour,’ says the student, ‘but I thought I ought to recheck my answers.’
Blowjob Dog
A man walks into a bar with a dog and asks the bartender if he’d like to buy
the dog for $900. The bartenders says, “It’s just an ugly mongrel, why would I
want to pay $900 for it?”
The guy says, “This dog is specially trained to give blow jobs and he will do
it on command as many times as you like. You’ll notice he has no teeth and let
me tell you, it’s the best BJ you’ll ever get.”
“Sold”, yells the bartender as he empties the register and takes the dog
home.
Two days later the guy walks back in the bar and the bartender is there
with the dog. The bartender grabs the guy by the shirt and says, “This dog can’t
give BJ’s. I want my money back”!!!
The guy says, “There must be some type of problem, let’s go in your back
room”. Once there, the guy tells the bartender to drop his pants.
The guy then turns to the dog and says “OK Rover. I’m going to show you how to
do this ONE MORE TIME……
Wedding a Virgin
A man longs to wed a maiden with her virtue intact. He searches for one but resigns himself to the fact that every female over the age of 10 in his town has been at it.Finally he decides to take matters in hand and adopts a baby girl from the orphanage. He raises her until she is walking and talking and then sends her away to a monastery for safekeeping until marrying age. After many years she finally reaches maturity and he retrieves her from the monastery and marries her.After the wedding they make their way back to his house and into the bedroom where they both prepare themselves for the consummation. They lie down together in his bed and he reaches over for a jar of petroleum jelly.”Why the jelly,” she asks him?”So I do not hurt your most delicate parts during the act of lovemaking,” he replies.”Well why don’t you just spit on your cock like the monks did?!”