Al cielo suben Hugo Ch�vez,

Al cielo suben Hugo Ch�vez, Bill Clinton y Fidel Castro. Cuando llegan con San Pedro, �ste les advierte que no pisen la nube gris, porque ser�n castigados. Instantes despu�s, Bill Clinton se aparece con una mujer de color fea y gorda. Ch�vez y Fidel le preguntan intrigados:

“�Qu� pas�?”

“Que pise la nube gris y �ste fue mi castigo”.

Al rato se aparece el Comandante Castro con una tipa flaqu�sima, fea, con ojos grandes y dentuda. Asombrado, Ch�vez le pregunta:

“�Qu� pas�, hermano, pisaste la nube gris?”

“S�, compa�ero, y he aqu� mi castigo”.

A los pocos minutos, Ch�vez se aparece con Jennifer L�pez en hilo dental. Confundidos Clinton y Fidel alcanzan a decir:

“�Pisaste la nube y �se fue tu castigo!”

Y responde Jennifer L�pez:

“�Noooo, la que pis� la nube fui yo y me castigaron con este mono!”

Top Ten Signs The Concert You’re Attending is Not The Real Woodstock

From “Late Show with David Letterman” on Tuesday, August 9, 199410. It’s hosted by Ed McMahon.9. “Amplifiers” are just enormous dixie cups.8. Every song contains a plug for Green Giant frozen vegetables.7. You’re asked to put on a hat and sunglasses and the next thing you know, you’re being introduced as Bob Dylan.6. One word: polkas.5. Guy sitting next to you brought a glove and has caught three foul balls.4. “Santana” turns out to be a jolly bearded guy with a sackful of presents.3. They’re playing “May we turn the hose on you, please?” [All night Dave sprayed the crowd which gathers outside for each night’s show with a hose.]2. You spot Rush Limbaugh stage-diving.1. The crowd is chanting, “Tito! Tito! Tito!”

Foreplay

There was this couple in bed one night. The wife had curled up ready for sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on and read a book. As he was reading he stopped and reached over to his wife and started fondling with her pussy. He did this only for a very short while then stopped and went back to reading his book.

The wife then got up and started stripping off in front of him. The husband was confused and asked, “What are doing taking all your gear off?”.

The wife replied, “You were playing with my pussy. I thought it was foreplay for something a bit heavier”.

The husband said, “No, not at all”.

The wife then asked,” Well, what were you doing then?”.

“Oh”, he said, “I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book!”.

Three Wishes

A guy finds a magic lamp and a genie comes out.
He says I’ll give you three wishes but, your mother in law gets double of everything you get.

So first he wishes for 1 million dollars so his mother in law gets 2 million dollars. Then he wishes for 1,000 acers of beautiful land so his mother in law gets 2,000 acers of land. For my last wish I want you to beat me half to death. You know what happens.

Top Ten things Men would do if they had a vagina for a day

10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.

8. See if they could finally do the splits

7. See if it’s truly possible to launch a ping-pong ball 20 feet.

6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.

5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes BEFORE closing time.

4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.

3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.

2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.

1. Finally find that damned G-spot.