Author: admin

Need to Go to the Bathroom

Posted on by admin

One day I was wating for my train at a train station. All of the
sudden I had a real urge to take a crap. So, I was about to go
to the bathroom when the train came.

On the train I sat next to a really hot guy. He started talking
to me so I didn’t go to the bathroom. Then he invited me to go
over his house. I had to say yes.

Once inside his house I gasped, it was HUGE! Then he said he had
to change. Finally, I had a chance to go crap. I looked and
looked for a bathroom but I couldn’t find it. Then I turned
around and saw that there was a bathroom about 10 feet away!

I felt so week but I walked and walked to bathroom. When I was 3
feet away from it I saw a dog. It was a big dalmatian showing
off it’s fangs. I could’t reach the bathroom, so I had to thing
of another idea.

That’s when I got the perfect idea! I decided to crap on the
floor and the guy would think the dog did it. So that’s exactly
what I did.

2 minutes later the guy came back. He asked me what smelled. I
said that I didn’t know (although I did) So we looked around to
see what smelled. We passed the hallway that the dog was by. So
I said “Look! Your dog pooped! That’s what smells!” He looked at
me strangely. “That can’t be!” “Why?” I asked. “That’s a stuffed
animal…” he replied.

Buffalo in Wyoming

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A woman was worried whether or not her dead husband made it to heaven, so she decided to try to contact his spirit by having a seance.

Sure enough, after the usual mumbo-jumbo of calling to the spirits, her husband’s voice was heard answering, “Hello Mary, this is meeee…”

“George,” she answered. “I just have to know if you’re happy there in the afterlife. What’s it like there?”

“Ooooooh, it’s much more beautiful here than I ever imagined,” George answered.

“The sky is bluer, the air is cleaner, and the pastures are much more lush and green than I ever expected. And the only thing we do all day long is eat and sleep, eat and sleep, over and over.”

“I’m so happy you made it to heaven,” his wife cried.

“Heaven?” he answered. “What heaven? I’m a buffalo in Wyoming.”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman

Question

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An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked
him, “Daddy, what is sex?” The father was surprised that she would ask such a
question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is
old enough to get a straight answer.

He proceeded to tell her all about the “birds and the bees.” When he finished
explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The
father asked her, “Why did you ask this question?” The little girl replied, “Mom
told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs.”

Plastic or rubber?

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A lawyer walks into a bar and sits down next to a drunk.

Soon the lawyer realizes that the drunk is studying something in his hand and holding it up to the light.

“What do you have there?” asks the curious lawyer.

The drunk shakes his head. “Damned if I know,” he says. “It looks like plastic and it feels like rubber.”

“Let me take a look,” says the lawyer, and he rolls it between his fingers.

“You know, you�re right,” he says. “It does look like plastic, yet it feels like rubber. But I don�t know what it is. Where did you get it?”

The drunk replies, “Out of my nose.”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing

Fishing

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It was alovely summers day and a husband says to his wife, `Lets you me and the dog go fishing! no! says the wife , You know I hate fishing.
So the husband replys,You have a choice, you either come fishing with me and the dog, give me a blowjob or take it up the arse. I`ll give you 5mins to think about it while I go in the shed.

5mins later the husband returns and says `well?..

I`ll give you a blowjob replys his wife.

So the wife starts giving her husband a blowjob and comes up in disgust and says,`your cock tastes of shit and stinks!

the husbands answers,yeah,well the dog didn`t want to go either!

Why I’m tired

Posted on by admin

Yes, I’m tired. For several years I’ve been blaming it on
iron-poor blood, lack of vitamins, air pollution, water
pollution, saccharin, obesity, dieting, yellow wax build-up, and
a dozen other maladies that make you wonder if life is really
worth living.

But now I find out, tain’t that. I’m tired because I’m
overworked.

The population of this country is 200 million. Eighty-four
million are retired. That leaves 116 million to do the work.
There are 75 million in school, which leaves 41 million to do
the work. Of this total, there are 22 million employed by the
government. That leaves 19 million to do the work. Four million
are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work.
Take from that total the 14,800,000 people who work for State
and City Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work.
There are 188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do the
work.

Now there are 11,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two
people to do the work. You and me. And you’re sitting there
reading this. No wonder I’m tired.

Cookie bribes

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Once there was this boy who liked this girl. The girl LOVED cookies.

One day, the boy said to the girl “I’ll give you five cookies if you come home with me.”

She said ok.

As soon as they got home, the boy said to her “I’ll give you 15 cookies if you come upstairs into my room with me”

She said ok.

When they got up, the boy said “I’ll give you 35 cookies if you lay on the bed with me”

She said ok again.

When they were on the bed, he said “I’ll give you 50 cookies if you get naked and dance like a stripper on that pole over there”

Again she said ok.

After she was naked and finished with her dance, he said “I’ll give you 100 cookies if you have tear my clothes off with your teeth and have sex with me”

Naturally she said ok.

While they were having sex, the boys parents walked in and said “Hump her, Danny, hump her!” and that’s exactly what he did!

Submitted by Admin
Edited by Curtis

Bar Joke…

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Bar Joke

Two builders (Dave and Stuart) are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit

Dave: – I reckon he’s an accountant.

Stuart: – No way – he’s a stockbroker.

Dave: – He ain’t no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn’t come in
here!

The argument repeats itself until they are all drunk. Dave goes to the toilet.

On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal.
Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder .
>>
Dave: – ‘Scuse me…. no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?

Suit: – No offence taken! I’m a Logical Scientist by profession

Dave: – Oh! What’s that then?

Suit: – I’ll try to explain by example … Do you have a goldfish at home?

Dave: – Er… mmm… well yeah, I do as it happens!

Suit: – Well, it’s logical to follow that you keep it in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it?

>> Dave: – It’s in a pond!

>> Suit: – Well it’s reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then?

Dave: – As it happens, yes I have got a big garden.

>> Suit: – Well then it’s logical to assume that in this town if you have a large garden then you have a large house?

Dave: – As it happens I’ve got a five bedroom house ….. built it myself!

Suit: – Well given that you’ve built a five bedroom house it is logical to assume that you haven’t built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married?
Dave: – Yes I am married, I live with my wife and four children.

Suit: – Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?

Dave: – Yep! Five times a week!

Suit: – Well then it is logical to suggest that you do not masturbate (wank) very often?

Dave: – Do what? Not me mate!

Suit: – Well there you are! That’s logical science at work!

Dave: – How’s that then?

Suit: – Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I’ve told you about your sex life!

Dave: – I see! That’s pretty impressive … thanks mate!

Both leave the toilet and Dave returns to his mate.

Stuart: – I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?

Dave: – Yep! He’s a logical scientist!

Stuart: – What’s that then?

Dave: – I’ll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?

Stuart: – Nope

Dave: – Well then, you’re a wanker.