At a university, a lecture is in progress about sexual anomalies. Professor
asks the students, “How do we call a man who wants, but can’t?”
“Impotent,” the choir of students answers.
“Right. And how do we call a man who can but wouldn’t?”
After a minute of silence, one female student jumps up and shouts, “A
scoundrel!”
Author: admin
Burger Prince
Your mama is so old she knew Burger Prince!
The Trouser Snake
=> NAME: *Expecteria Trouserius* (Trouser Snake) => LOCATION: Throughout the world=> DESCRIPTION: One-eyed, with mushroom-shaped head (other types come with extra layers of skin) Varying from pink to black. Fang-less with a highly venomous spit. (Spit can reach distances up to 2-3 feet) *Size varies from 3 to 12 inches, depending on its mood & sub-species.=> SYMPTOMS: This snake attacks mainly women in the lower front abdomen, resulting in an inconspicuous bump. Then a severe swelling followed by excruciating pain after nine months. The attack is not usually fatal. Beware: It has been known to attack men in the rear lower abdomen!=> HABITAT: Usually found in bedrooms, but has been known to appear in the most unusual places.=> ANTIDOTE: Various types of vaccine available for women. However, once the venom is injected into the body only drastic measures will ensure complete recovery. There is no known antidote for men.=> WHAT TO DO WHEN ATTACKEDTOURNIQUET: Do not apply a tourniquet as the venom is too deep in the body to be affected.CUTTING THE WOUND: This would be completely unnecessary and ineffective as the bleeding will stop after a few weeks anyhow.SUCKING THE WOUND: This method is the most popular with the victim, but so far has not been reported to have led to any success.=> CONCLUSION: This snake, although it is very aggressive and active, is not necessarily a vermin, and treated with the right respect, makes a wonderful pet.
Blonde in the appliance store
A blonde walks into an appliance store and says I would like to buy that T.V. please. The store clerk replies Im sorry, we dont do business with blondes. So she stormed off back to her house and dyed her hair black. The next day, she went back to the same store and said I would like to buy that T.V. please. The store clerk, once again, replies Sorry, we dont do business with blondes. The blonde replied How did you know I was blonde? The clerk says Because thats a microwave, not a T.V.
Osama!
Q:why does osama bid ladin always carry a pieace of sand paper?
A:because if he gets lost he can use it as a map!
Responsible Husband
My ex-husband (or ex-wife) was very responsible.
If anything went wrong, he was usually responsible for it.
Christmas Gift
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart’s birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic, but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart’s younger sister, he went to Nordstrom and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.
During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note:
“I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove. “These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. “I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. “When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. “Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.
All my love.
“P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.”
Reincarnated
Q: Will I be reincarnated?
A: Not unless there is a special need to recreate you. And searching backup
files is a major hassle, so if there is a request for you, God will just say
that the tape has been lost.
CAMPAIGN SLOGANS FOR GEORGE W. BUSH
1. I’ll turn capital punishment into a new game show!
2. I promise to get cocaine off our streets: 1 kilo at a time.
3. I’ll finish what Bill started — the interns.
4. Like fathers like son. You liked my dad, right?
5. Vote for the GOP, Not OPP.
6. I promise no sex scandal: just look at me.
7. New penal plan: I won’t use mine!
8. Read my lips: Al Gore Sucks.
9. George W. Bush: No hang-ups. Just hangovers
10. Vote for Bush and against Common Sense.
Computers are not intelligent. They
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
Hookers
whats the differance between a hooker and a drug dealer ?
the hooker can clean her crack and re-sell
it.
Kickstand.
How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde?
It is the one with the kickstand.