Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina.
One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much.
The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
Author: admin
The Farmer’s Daughter
There was a men who is lost in a forest during a storm. He came to a house and knocked on the door.
A farmer came out and asked, “what the hell do you want?”
The man asked, “Could I spend a night here?”
“Sure, but you can’t touch my daughter.”
So the man was sleeping that night, when the daughter came in. And that night, they did it. The next night, they did it, too. The next night, they did it, again.
Until one night, the daughter said to the man, “I am tired of doing it in your room.”
So the man went to the daughter’s room and did it. The next night, they did it The next night, they did it, too The next night, they did it again.
They have done it in every single room in the house EXECPT the father’s room.
So one night they decided to go to the father’s room and do it. When they went in, the father has fallen deep into sleep.
The man asked, “what the hell is that hairy thing in his bed?”
The daughter said, “it’s his hairy ass”
So the man and the daughter were doing it in his room for 2 weeks and they loved it.
But unfortunatly, one day, the father came to the man and go, “we need to talk.”
“What, I didn’t have sex with your daughter!”
“I will tell you the truth, I don’t care if you have sex with my daughter anymore, just don’t use my hairy ass as a score board!
Clinton’s Pool Table
What has 4 legs, 6 pockets and smells like pussy?
Bill Clintons pool table.
Difference between Lunch and Oral Sex
It seems Miss Lewinsky recorded some of her conversations with Clinton. In a
transcript just released Bill asked Miss Lewinsky “Do you know the difference
between Lunch and Oral Sex?”
Is Lewinsky replied, “No, I don’t”.
Bill then said “Great, let’s do lunch!”
British Post Office
Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest
stamps?
A: Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them – folk
couldn’t figure out which side to spit on.
Educated Parrot
This guy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. There he sees a parrot with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to it’s right leg. He asks the owner the significance of the strings. “Well, this is a highly trained parrot.
If you pull the red string he speaks French; if you pull the green string he speaks German,” replies the shop keeper.
“And what happens if I pull both the strings?” our curious shopper inquires.
“I fall off my perch you fool!!” screeches the parrot.
Kill your spouse for the FBI
The FBI was looking to hire new agents. 3 people came to the try outs…2 guys and 1 girl. The FBI guy says to the three participants: “When you go into that room over there, you will see your husband or wife tied up in a chair. To get this job, you have to take this gun, and shoot them.”So, the first guy takes the gun, and goes into the room. He sees his wife tied up in a chair. There is a long silence, and the guy walks out and says “I couldn’t do it.” The FBI guy unties the wife, and says, “Sorry, you didn’t get the job.”The next guy goes in and sees his wife sitting there, all tied up. He also could not shoot his wife. So the FBI guy tells him “Sorry, you didn’t get the job.”Finally, the woman goes into the room with a gun. For at least 5 minutes there was a lot of noise! The woman comes out of the room and says “You didn’t tell me the gun was full of blanks! I had to beat my husband to death with the chair!!!” The FBI guy says “Uhhh… You’re hired!”–Submitted by Katie Cook
No brains
A college student was in a philosophy class which had a discussion
about God’s existence. The professor presented the following logic:
“Has anyone in this class heard God?” Nobody spoke.
“Has anyone in this class touched God?” Again, nobody spoke.
“Has anyone in this class seen God?” When nobody spoke for the third time, he simply stated, “Then there is no God.”
One student thought for a second, and then asked for permission to
reply. Curious to hear this bold student’s response, the professor
granted it, and the student stood up and asked the following questions of his classmates:
“Has anyone in this class heard our professor’s brain?” Silence.
“Has anyone in this class touched our professor’s brain?”
Absolute silence.
“Has anyone in this class seen our professor’s brain?” When nobody in the class dared to speak, the student concluded, “Then, according to our professor’s logic, it must be true that our professor has no brain!”
(…The student received an “A” in the class.)
Did you hear about the blonde who…
…was told she was a silly puss, but insisted she didn’t have a crazy cat?
De los 13 a los
De los 13 a los 18 a�os est� como Am�rica Latina:
En pleno desarrollo.
De los 19 a los 25 a�os est� como �frica:
Mitad virgen y mitad explorada.
De los 26 a los 35 a�os est� como Asia:
Ardiente pero misteriosa.
De los 36 a los 45 a�os est� como Europa:
Conservadora pero interesante.
De los 46 a los 55 a�os est� como Estados Unidos:
Pura tecnolog�a.
De los 56 a los 65 a�os est� como China:
Puro cuento.
De los 66 a los 70 a�os est� como Cuba:
Todos saben d�nde est� pero nadie quiere verla.
De los 71 a�os en adelante est� como Venezuela:
Existe, pero est� toda esco�etada.
Triplets
A woman pregnant with triplets is walking down the street when a masked robber runs out of the bank and shoots her three times in the stomach.
Luckily the babies are okay. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it’s too risky to operate.
All is fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walks into the room in tears. “What’s wrong?” asks the mother.
“I was taking pee and this bullet came out.” replies the daughter.
The mother tells her it’s okay and explains what happened 16 years ago.
About a week later the second daughter walks in to the room in tears. “Mom, I was taking pee and this bullet came out.”
Again the mother tells her not to worry and explains what happened 16 years ago.
A week later the boy walks into the room in tears. “It’s okay,” says the mom, “I know what happened, you were taking a pee and a bullet came out.”
“No,” says the boy, “I was jerking off and I shot the dog.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
Penuts! Popcorn!
President Ronald Regan told this joke about Fidel Castro:
Castro was addressing a large audience in Cuba, and he began, “They accuse me of intervening in Angola…” and a man going through the audience called out, “Peanuts! Popcorn!”
Castro went on: “They say I�m intervening in Mozambique…” and the same loud voice shouted, “Peanuts! Popcorn!
Castro continued: “They say I�m intervening in Nicaragua…” and the voice yelled again, “Peanuts! Popcorn!”
By this time Castro was boiling mad and he sputtered, “Bring that man who is shouting ‘Peanuts! Popcorn!’ to me, and I�ll kick him all the way to Miami.”
And everybody in the audience started shouting, “Peanuts! Popcorn!”