Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy and said.Manager: “Thank you for your interest, but we’ve decided to give the American the job”Murphy: “And why would you be doing that? We both got nine questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish I should get the job!”Manager: “We have made our decisions not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed.”Murphy: “And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?”Manager: “Simple, the American put down on question #5, “I don’t know.”, You put down “Neither do I.”
Author: admin
FaTt CoWwW
a fat girl named Kaitlen, nicknamed cow, was very fat…she sat on a car n broke itt…it wuss soooo funnyy…
she had viena sausages for toes, watermelons for ass, porkchops for fingers, n a camel for a twat..lmfao..newayss, she sat on a car, n broke it, n went alll da way down 2 da earth….
everytime dere is an earthquake, dat means dats her burpen or farten
thanks
Yo mama’s so fat
Yo mama’s so fat, when she went to school, she sat next to everybody!
Yo mama’s so fat, when she sits around the house, she REALLY sits around the house.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she wears a “Malcom X” shirt, helicopters land on her!
Hooked
A golf pro was helping this attractive young woman with her swing when his zipper got caught in the rhinestones on the back of her skirt.
Needless to say this was embarrassing to both of them since their relationship had been purely platonic up to that point anyway.
They decided to walk together in this lock-step back to the clubhouse where certainly a pair of needle-nosed pliers would fix the problem.
Just as they turned the corner to the clubhouse a German Shepherd ran up and threw a bucket of water on them.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
20 Ways to Say "Your Fly Is Open"
20. The cucumber has left the salad.
19. I can see the gun of Navarone.
18. Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging
out.
17. You’ve got Windows in your laptop.
16. Sailor Ned’s trying to take a little shore leave.
15. Your soldier ain’t so unknown now.
14. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bell.
13. Paging Mr. Johnson… Paging Mr. Johnson…
12. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked
position.
11. Your pod bay door is open, Hal.
10. Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!
9. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.
8. Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck,
Sir!
7. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.
6. Dr. Kimble has escaped!
5. You’ve got your fly set for “Monica” instead of “Hillary.”
4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction…
3. You’ve got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
2. I’m talking about Shaft, can you dig it?
AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HIS FLY IS UNZIPPED…
1. I thought you were crazy; now I see your nuts.
Redneck Medical Terms
Benign – What you be, after you be eight.
Artery – The study of paintings
Bacteria – Back door to cafeteria
Barium – what doctors do when patients die
Cesarean section – a neighborhood in Rome
Cat scan – searching for kitty
Cauterize – made eye contact with her
Colic – a sheep dog
coma- a punctuation mark
D & C – Where Washington is
Dilate – to live long
Enema – Not a friend
Fester – quicker than someone else
Fibula – a small lie
Genital – a non-Jewish person
GI series – world series of military baseball
Hangnail – what you hang your coat on
Impotent – distinguished, well-known
Labor pain – getting hurt at work
medical staff – a doctor’s cane
Morbid – a higher offer
Nitrates – cheaper than day rates
Node – I knew it
Outpatient – a person who has fainted
Pap Smear – A fatherhood test
Pelvis – second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative – a letter carrier
Recovery room – place to do upholstery
Rectum – darn near killed him
Secretion – hiding something
Seizure – a Roman emperor
Tablet – a small table
Terminal Illness – getting sick at the airport
Tumor – one plus one more
Urine – opposite of you’re out
Varicose – nearby / close by
Above a man
When is a woman above a man?
When the kitchen is upstairs!
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Clarinet joke
Q: Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard?A: So they can park in the handicap zones.
Solomon’s wisdom (with a lawyer)
Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit.”This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter,” said one.”No! He agreed to marry MY daughter,” said the other.And so they haggled before the King until he called for silence.”Bring me my biggest sword,” said Solomon, “and I shall hew the young attorney in half. Each of you shall receive a half.””Sounds good to me,” said the first lady.But the other woman said, “Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman’s daughter marry him.”The wise king did not hesitate a moment. “The attorney must marry the first lady’s daughter,” he proclaimed.”But she was willing to hew him in two!” exclaimed the king’s court.”Indeed,” said wise King Solomon. “That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law.”
Absentminded Doc!
A doctor is going about his business, with a rectal thermometer tucked behind his ear.
He goes into a staff meeting to discuss the days activities, when a co-worker asks why he has a thermometer behind his ear?
In a wild motion he grabs for the thermometer, looks at it and exclaims, – “Damn, some asshole has my pen!”
Q: How many SAS
Q: How many SAS programmers does it take to change a light bulb?A: Please let us know!
In order to keep an
In order to keep an open mind,
I am trying to avoid learning anything.