Yours Fun Portal !
An auto mechanic received a repair order that said to check for a clunking noise when going around corners.
He took the car out for a test drive and made two right turns, each time hearing a loud clunk.
Back at the shop, he returned the car to the service manager with this note: “Removed bowling ball from trunk.”
Una pareja de reci�n casados est� haciendo el amor. De pronto, el hombre se levanta y la emprende a golpes contra la mujer. Despu�s de 10 minutos de golpearla, �ste se tranquiliza y comienza a masturbarse. Cuando termina, le aclara a la mujer:
“Eso, pendeja, fue para que sepas que cuando yo quiera puedo ser cari�oso; que cuando yo quiera puedo ser agresivo y, lo mejor de todo, que soy autosuficiente”.
one day a blonde,a burnette,and a red head were robing a bank.the police were coming so they ran in to a barn and in some sacks.the policeran to the barn and kicked the burnettes bag.the burnette said”woof,woof”The police said “Just a bag of puppies”So they whent to the red heads bag and kicked it.The redhead said “meow,meow”The police said “just a bag of kittens.”Finally they got to the blondes bag and kicked it.the blonde said”potatoes,potatoes”
yo mammas so fat when she jumped in the air she got stuck.
Teacher: Class, you have 30 minutes to write a composition on the subject of
Baseball.
Jonah: Here�s my paper.
Teacher: Jonah, you spent only one minute writing your essay.
Lets hear what you wrote.
Jonah: Game called off on account of rain.
One morning Bobby’s mother was cleaning his room, and she found an S&M magazine under the bed. She was beside herself worrying and stressing trying to think of how to handle the situation.Finally her husband came home from work and he asked her how her day was. The mother told him about the magazine. Shaking, she asked him how they were going handle this situation.Her husband sat there for awhile, sighed, and said, “Well, I guess spanking him is out of the question.”
If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way
they do?
Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on his back?From crawling across the street when the sign said “DON’T WALK”.
No experiment is ever a complete failure; it can always be used as a bad example.
Four farmers were seated at the bar in a tavern. At the table next to them sat a young girl.
The first man said, “I think it’s WOOMB.” The second replied, “No, it must be WOOOOMBH.” The third said, “You both have it wrong — it’s WOOM.” The fourth stated, “No, it has to be WOOMMMMBBB.”
At this, the young lady could stand it no longer. She got up, walked over to the farmers and said, “Look, you hayseeds, it’s WOMB. That’s it, that’s all there is to it.” Then she left.
Eventually, one of the famers broke the silence by saying, “Well, I don’t know. A slip of a girl like that, I don’t see how she could know. I’ll bet she’s never even heard an elephant fart!”
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.Laughing stock – cattle with a sense of humor.You can’t have everything, where would you put it?Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world’s population.If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.When you’re swimming in the creek, and an eel bites your cheek, that’s a moray!A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter since nobody listens.I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
One day there was a proctologist who went to the bank. He pulled out his paycheck and started to sign it. The teller came over the intercom and says, “Excuse me sir, but you’re signing that with a thermometer.” He replies, “Damn, some asshole has my pen!”