Why do blonde girls have bruises around their belly buttons?
Because blonde guys are stupid to.
Author: admin
Who’s Pig
Jenny and John went to the Market to buy some Pigs.
Jenny bought one and John bought one, but they ended up having
not enough money for two pig sties, so they bought only one, and
decided to put both their Pigs in there.
But then Jenny said,
how will we tell them apart? So, John cut his Pig’s ear off.
During the night, John’s Pig was eating off the ear of Jenny’s
Pig, so John cut off the other ear of his Pig. And during that
night, John’s Pig was eating off the other ear of Jenny’s Pig.
In the morining John and Jenny couldn’t tell them apart, so
Jenny said “Look, i’ll just have the white Pig, and you take the
Black one!”
This Is Why Women Don’t Work For the CIA
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews, and testing were done, there were three finalists
… two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!!!
“The man said, “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.”
The agent said, “Then you’re not the right man for this job. Take your Wife and go home.”
The second man was given the same instructions He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.”
The agent said, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”
Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.
After a few minutes, all was quiet.
The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow.. “This gun is loaded with blanks”, she said. “I had to beat him to death with the chair.”
Moral: Women are evil. Don’t mess with them.
Space Oddiity song for Heaven’s Gate Cult
Editor’s Note: I’ll warn you, it’s in fairly bad taste.————————————“Space Odd-Do-Ti” sung to David Bowie’s “Space Oddity”Ground control to Father JohnGround control to Father JohnPut your purple shrouds and clean white Nikes onGround control to Father JohnCommencing reboot, PC’s onCheck our Web page and may Ti’s love be with you(lift-off)This is Ground Control to Father JohnWe’ve all had alcoholMixed with applesauce and phenol-barbitolNow it’s time to just lie down and end it allThis is Father John to Ground ControlI’ll castrate all the menAnd rejoin our UFO and alien friendAnd we can’t wait ’til Hale-Bopp returns againFor Rio’s speaking for the cameraFar beyond insanePlanet Earth is due for a Y2K review(break, instrumental)Though I’m past 100 million milesI’m feeling very stillAnd my vehicle no longer has a soulTell your wives and kids you love them / Yes they knowGround Control to Father JohnYour cult is sick, there’s something wrongCan you hear me, Father JohnCan you hear me, Father JohnCan you hear me, Father JohnCan you hear/here am I lying in a bunk bedFar beyond insaneFace and lips are blue and there’s nothing I can do
Third World debt
Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice had lunch with U2’s Bono to talk about Third World debt.
Is he the best choice?
I mean if your going to talk to a rock star who’s an expert on massive debt then maybe MC Hammer’s the guy you want to talk to.
-Jay Leno
Question and answer Clinton joke
Q: How many Democrats does it take to destroy a light bulb?A: None. They only know how to destroy the taxpayers.
Having a ball!!!!
There were these two canibles (people who eat other people)…
and they were eating this guy. One started eating at the top,
and one at the bottom. The canible at the top said to the
canible at the bottom ‘How are you doing?’ The canible at the
bottom looked up and said ‘I’m just having a ball!’
All the mugs
Q: Why can’t you get a cup of tea at Old Trafford?
A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Highbury.
El argentino que le dice
El argentino que le dice a su esposa:
“Mi amor hoy pienso hacer el amor mudo.”
“�C�mo, calladito?”
Y el marido le responde:
“No, sin VOS”
Reject?
A prostitute went to visit a colleague in the hospital just before she was about to have a heart transplant.
The woman, concerned about her friend’s welfare, went up to the surgeon who was going to perform the operation and said, “Doctor, I’m worried about my friend. What if her body rejects the organ?”
The doctor replied “Well, she’s 34 years old and is in extremely good health apart from her heart. How long has she been in the business?”
The patient’s friend replied “She’s been working since she was 18 years old, but what’s that got to do with anything?”
“Well,” said the doctor, “if she’s been working for 16 years and hasn’t rejected an organ, I don’t think she’s about to start now!”
Submitted by ���rt��
Edited by calamjo
Blonde Pilots
A blonde went to a flight school insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio. He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way. After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. “I’m doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I’m starting to get the hang of this.” After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn’t radioed in. A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage. When he asked what happened, she said: “I don’t know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can’t remember anything after I turned off the big fan.”
Australian Condoms
An Australian goes to buy a condom at a nearby chemist.The lady behind the counter gives a choice of three types. German, French, and Australian.”What’s the difference,” he asks?”Well, the Germans are quite active. They have 7 in the pack. One for Monday, one for Tuesday, and so on.” “The French are very passionate people. They have 8. One for Monday, and so on, and 2 on Sundays.” “The Australians, well, they have 12.”At this, the Australian swells up with pride, Really 12?”Yes, 12. One for January, one for February….”