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Jesus saw a crowd chasing down a woman to stone her and
approached them. “What’s going on here, anyway?” he asked.
“This woman was found committing adultery and the law says we
should stone her!” one of the crowd responded.
“Wait,” yelled Jesus, “Let he who is without sin cast the first
stone.”
Suddenly, a stone was thrown from out of the sky, and knocked
the woman on the side of her head.
“Aw, c’mon, Dad…,” Jesus cried, “I’m trying to make a point
here!”
Q: What’s the first problem the Michael’s child will have in life?
A: Figuring out which parent is his mother.
Q: What is the difference between a brain surgeon and God?
A: God doesn’t think he’s a brain surgeon!
Did you hear about the duck who went into the drugstore?
He told the pharmacist, “Give me some chapstick and put it on my bill”.
Joke found on http://www.randomjoke.com
How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” The other replied, “Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.”
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” And the father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.
Then there was a man who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late.”
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.” The husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.”
A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted”. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. -Sacha Guitry
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. – Jackie Mason
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
What do you call a male strip club?
A cockpit.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Tantilazing
Marriage is a mutual relationship if both parties know when to be mute.
There was this blonde and her boyfriend driving in the mountains and they pass a deer crossing sign and the blonde asked her boyfriend “How do the deer know how to come Here and cross?”
What is the string on the end of a tampon used for??
To floss after you get done eating!!!
Q. What kind of bees make the best milk?
A. Boo-bees!
1. Throughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids
lifted.
3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You
may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape. CAUTION: Do not get any
part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for
any purchase they can find.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a ”powerwash and
rinse” which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone to open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no
people between the toilet and the outside door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he
will dry himself.
Sincerely, the Dog
On a Sunny day in Boca Raton, FL a lawyer is getting out of his
BMW. All of a sudden, a raging driver flies by and takes out his
drivers side door while he’s standing there.
The Police come and they are so amazed at this guy, he’s so pig
headed. They say “I cant beleive your going crazy over your BMW,
are you in pain?”. “Why would I be in pain” claims the lawyer.
“Well your left arm is ripped off” says the cop. The Lawyer says
“OH SHIT!, my Rolex!”