A High School football coach was putting the team through some
toughening-up exercises. One fellow with more brains than brawn
began to get tired. “Everybody on their back!” barked the coach.
“Legs up in the air. Now pretend that your riding a bycicle.
Faster, faster!” The tired one peddled a few minutes, then
stopped. “Hey, you.” yelled the coach “whats the big idea?”
“Who, me?” asked the bright one, “I’m coasting.”
Author: admin
Un hombre va a un
Un hombre va a un puticlub y se dirige con el due�o:
“Buenas, yo quisiera estar, si se puede, con alguna que est� muy buena; que me haga subir al cielo y que nunca se canse”.
El proxeneta le se�ala una superbuena: una rubia escultural.
“S�, s�, esa, s�”.
“Te vale 20.000”.
“No tiene algo m�s barato”.
“�Cu�nto se quiere gastar, hombre?”
“Pues 500 pesetas, que es lo que llevo”.
“Por 500 pesetas tengo un cuarto que los puede valer”.
Total, le da las 500 pesetas y entra a un cuarto en que s�lo ve un pollo subido a una mesa, y nada m�s. Extra�ado, inspecciona el cuarto, y se acerca al pollo. Empieza a tocarlo, y piensa:
“Pues ser� esto”.
As� que agarra al pollo y… racaaaa, empieza a trincarse al pollo y, bueno, piensa que no est� mal y es barato. As� que repite al d�a siguiente, la semana entera, el mes y llega un d�a y no hay pollo. Le pregunta al due�o que fue lo que pas�, y aquel le informa que el pollo se ha muerto, pero que tiene otro cuarto que por 500 pesetas le puede valer tambi�n. Le da las 500 pesetas y entra al cuarto, y ve un mont�n de gente mirando por una ventana. Se asoma y ve a un t�o tir�ndose a un jarr�n, y le comenta a uno:
“Anda, que hay estar mal para tirarse a un jarr�n”.
“Pues no veas, hace unos d�as hab�a un gilipollas trinc�ndose a un pollo”.
N/A
An Arab, a Russian, a Jamaican, and an American are on a boat. The Russian takes out a big flask of vodka, takes a sip, and then throws it over board. The American asks him why he did that. “Where I come from, we have plenty of vodka.” Then, the Jamaican takes out a big roll of weed, then smokes a little puff, and throws it over board, and the American asks why he did that. “Where I come from, we have plenty of that.” The Russian then asks,”There must be plenty of something where you come from.”
The American then throws the Arab over board.
Llega Bill Clinton a la
Llega Bill Clinton a la oficina de Boris Yelstin y ve que �ste tiene un telefono rojo detr�s de su escritorio:
“�Para que es ese telefono?”, pregunta Clinton.
“Para hablar con Dios”, contesta Yelstin.
“�Puedo llamar?”
“Claro, camarada.”
Clinton hace su llamada y cuando termina de hablar con Dios, Yelstin le da una factura por 3 billones de d�lares.
“�Por qu� tanto?”, se queja Clinton.
“Hablar con Dios cuesta.”
Clinton paga y se despide de Yelstin. Dias despues Bill Clinton visita a Menem y ve un telefono similar:
“�Ese telefono es para hablar con Dios?”, pregunta Clinton.
“Pues claro, �quer�s usarlo?”
“Si”, contesta Clinton.
Al terminar de hablar Menem le entrega la factura a Clinton:
“�S�lo 10 centavos, por qu� tan barato?”, pregunta asombrado Clinton.
�Y que quer�s? as� cobramos las llamadas locales ac�.
Mechanical vs. Civil Engineers
Q: What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?A: Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
Set it free
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it will always be yours. If it doesn’t come back, it was never yours to begin with. But… if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money and doesn’t appear to realize that you actually set it free in the first place, you either married it or gave birth to it.
US MILITARY
The U.S. military has succeeded in building a computer able to solve any
strategic or tactical problem.
Military leaders are assembled in front of the new machine and instructed to
feed a difficult tactical problem into it. They describe a hypothetical
situation to the computer and then ask the pivotal question: attack or retreat?
The computer hums away for an hour and then comes up with the answer: YES.
The generals look at each other, somewhat stupefied. Finally one of them
submits a second request to the computer: YES WHAT?
Instantly the computer responded: YES SIR.
Nude Italian On Ship
An Italian kid, on a six-month cruise in the Navy, decides to send pictures to his mom and girlfriend. He takes a picture of himself naked, then rips it in half, intending to send the top half to his mother and the bottom half to his girlfriend. But he mixes them up.
When his mother gets his letter, she looks at the picture and says, “Atsa my Luigi … long nose, droopy cheeks, and don’t-a never shave.”
Man visits psychiatrist:…
Man visits psychiatrist:
Man: “Doctor, Doctor I have a problem.”
Psy: “Tell me about it.”
Man: “Doctor, Doctor I like mashed potatoes.”
Psy: “There’s nothing wrong with that. I also
like mashed potatoes.”
Man: “Wonderful, would you like to come over and
see my collection some time.”
Many Bones
Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human body?
Tom: Shhh, doctor! My dog’s outside in the waiting room!
Good Dog!
A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his
shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is back
again. He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog has a note
in his mouth. The butcher takes the note, and it reads, “Can I
have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please.”
The butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the dog’s mouth, there
is a ten dollar bill. So the butcher takes the money, puts the
sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog’s mouth.
The butcher is very impressed, and since it’s closing time, he
decides to close up shop and follow the dog.
So, off he goes. The dog is walking down the street and comes to
a crossing. The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the
crossing button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the
lights to change. They do, and he walks across the road, with
the butcher following. The dog then comes to a bus stop, and
starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this
stage. The dog checks out the times, and sits on one of the
seats to wait for the bus. Along comes a bus. The dog walks to
the front of the bus, looks at the number, and goes back to his
seat. Another bus comes. Again the dog goes and looks at the
number, notices it’s the right bus, and climbs on. The butcher,
by now open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus. The bus travels
thru town and out to the suburbs. Eventually the dog gets up,
moves to the front of the bus, and standing on his hind legs,
pushes the button to stop the bus. The dog gets off, groceries
still in his mouth, and the butcher still following. They walk
down the road, and the dog approaches a house. He walks up the
path, and drops the groceries on the step. Then he walks back
down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -whap!-
against the door. He goes back down the path, takes another run,
and throws himself -whap!- against the door again!
There’s no answer at the door, so the dog goes back down the
path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks along the perimeter
of the garden. He gets to a window, and bangs his head against
it several times. He walks back, jumps off the wall, and waits
at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door,
and starts laying into the dog, really yelling at him.
The butcher runs up and stops the guy. “What the heck are you
doing? This dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for God’s sake!”
To which the guy responds, “Clever, my ass. This is the second
time this week he’s forgotten his key!”
A Woman From Rowjob
There once was a woman from Rowjob
She sure knew how give a blowjob
If you want a suck
your out of luck
Cause I married that woman from Rowjob.