Pepito va a la tienda

Pepito va a la tienda y le pregunta al despachador si tiene tomates, el despachador le contesta que s� y Pepito le dice “dame tres limones”.

M�s tarde vuelve a la tienda y le pregunta al despachador si tiene naranjas, el despachador le dice que s� y Pepito le dice “entonces dame tres mangos”.

Esto pasaba todos los d�as, hasta que un d�a el pap� de Pepito pasaba cerca de la tienda y el despachador corri� a buscarlo y le dijo: “Usted es el pap� de Pepito, verdad?”

El se�or contesta que s�, y el despachador le cuenta: “Mire, su hijo viene todos los d�as, me pregunta si tengo tomates, le digo que s�, y me pide limones, me pregunta por naranjas, le digo que s� tengo y me pide mangos, y en eso se pasa toda la semana.

El pap� del muchacho le contesta: “�Ah, as� es la cosa! �D�jelo que llegue a la casa que me voy a sacar el cintur�n y le voy a meter tres patadas!

Good Catholic Story

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices
a sign out of the corner of his eye… It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES

He thinks it was a figment of his imagination and drives on without
a second thought… Soon he sees another sign, which says:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES

Suddenly, he begins to realize that these signs are for
real… Then he drives past a third sign saying:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the
drive… On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a
small sign next to the door reading:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, “What may we do for you, my son?”

He answers, “I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in
possibly doing business.”

“Very well, my son. Please follow me.” He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, “Please knock on this door.”

He does as he is told and another nun in a long habit, holding a
tin cup answers the door. This nun instructs, “Please place $100 in the
cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this way.”

He gets $100 out of his wallet and places it in the second nuns cup. He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him. As the door locks behind him, he finds himself
back in the parking lot, facing another small sign:

GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED
BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT,
YOU SINNER.

The Cesium song 10

Cesium (All through the Night)(Tune, Fever)(1)Never know how much I need you,Never know how much I’d dare,When I mix you up with water,I get a heat that’s hard to bear.I need my Cesium!Burnin’ brightly,Cesium to give me light.Cesium –In the morning,Cesium all through the night.(2)Sun lights up the daytime.Moon lights up the night.Cesium lights up heaven above,With a brilliant sky-blue light.I need my Cesium!Burnin’ hotly.Cesium shinin’ so bright.Cesium –In the morning,Cesium to make me feel right.(Coda)Everybody,Needs some Cesium,Cesium to give ’em that glow.Cesium –Add some water,Get a fire hot as down below!(3)Romeo, he had Cesium,Cool water Juliette.When they mixed it up together,Things got as hot as they can get!They needed Cesium!Flamin’ madly.Cesium burnin’ so blue.Cesium –Shared between them.Cesium to make their love true.(4)Come to the end of my story.Got to the point that I made.Cesium’s the stuff to heat you up,And you ain’t gonna find no shade!You’ll need cesium!As you sizzle.Cesium some comfort to earn.Cesium –It’s almighty.What a lovely way to burn!— Songs of Cesium #96

Potatoes!

One night there was three fugitives escaping from jail. One was blonde, one was brunette and the other was a red-head. They had the police hot on their trail and quickly thinking the brunette points out an old, abandoned factory perfect for hiding in. When all three were inside the red-head, quickly thinking said they should all hid in old potatoe sacks in the corner as they could hear the police approaching the factory. They all got in their little potatoe sacks and barely a minute later the police came crashing through the door. They looked at the sacks and said ‘Hmm maybe they are hiding in these’ The officer kicks the Red-head’s sack and she makes whimpering noises. ‘Hmm just puppies in that sack’ The officer kicks the Brunette’s sack and she makes mewing noises. ‘Hmm just kittens in that sack’ He says. He finally kicks the blonde’s sack and he hears…. ‘POTATOES POTATOES!’

Una pareja atravesaba por una

Una pareja atravesaba por una crisis econ�mica, por lo que el marido le informa a la mujer que la �nica soluci�n es que ella trabaje en la calle, no sin antes advertirle que �l se encargar�a de los asuntos monetarios.

La mujer accede y acuerdan pararse en una esquina. �l se esconde detr�s de unos matorrales, y ella comienza a hacer se�as a los automovilistas.

Un BMW se detiene, y el tipo le pregunta cu�nto cobra. Ella va detr�s de los matorrales a preguntarle a su marido cu�nto puede cobrar.

El marido al ver el auto le dice que cobre 200 d�lares.

El automovilista accede, pero al revisar su billetera se da cuenta que s�lo tiene 130 d�lares.

Ella va donde el marido y le informa que el tipo tiene s�lo 130 d�lares. El marido le indica que por ese precio �nicamente puede darle una chupadita.

La mujer le comunica al individuo la decisi�n del marido y �ste acepta. Al comenzar a sacarle el pito, la mujer se da cuenta que lo tiene de buen tama�o. Piensa un poco, se baja del auto y va con el marido: “oye, �tienes 70 d�lares que me prestes?”

Divorded Barbie

A man was driving home from work one evening when he suddenly realized Christmas was coming up and he had not yet purchased his daughter a gift.

So, the man rushed off to the nearest toy store and asked the sales clerk, “How much is that Barbie in the window?”

The sales clerk replied in a condescending tone, “Which Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00.”

The overwhelmed man asked, “Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 and all the others are only $19.95?”

“That’s obvious!” said the sales clerk. “Divorce Barbie comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car, Ken’s boat, and Ken’s furniture.”

2 2

A housewife, an accountant and a lawyer were asked “How much is 2 2?”
The housewife replies: “Four!”.

The accountant says: “I think it’s either 3 or 4. Let me run those figures through my spreadsheet one more time.”

The lawyer pulls the drapes, dims the lights and asks in a hushed voice, “How much do you want it to be?”