Regis was asking a few questions in front of his
mirror….practising for his show the next night on who wants to
be a millionaire. After he was done he decided to go for a nice
mountain walk to get some breeze. And as he did he noticed how
much he echoed. So he screamed on words on top of the mountain.
SOme were kind of gross and others practises. As he got to the
very tip-top he noticed that he sounded pretty wierd…his voice
was to high. He screamed out crying and fell to his knees
asking why his voice was so high and the echo returned…”Hey
you think I like being your echo…God you asshole just quit the
job its emmbarrising”
Author: admin
12 Shots
A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender says, “Dang, why are you drinking so fast?” The guy says, “You would be drinking fast if you had what I had.” The bartender says, “What do you have?” The guy says, “75 cents.”
Okay, who stopped the payment
Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
FAMILY HISTORY
One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin. “How did I get
here, Mommy?” she asks.
Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, “Why God sent you, Honey.”
“And did God send you too, Mommy?” she continues. “Yes, Sweetheart, he did.”
“And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads, too?”
“Yes, Honey, all of them, too.”
The child shakes her head in disbelief. “Then you’re telling me there’s been
no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so grouchy!”
Pulled over
An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol.
The officer said, “Ma’am did you know you were speeding?”
The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?”
The old man yelled, “He says you were speeding!”
The patrolman said, “May I see your license?”
The woman turned to her husband once again and asked, “What did he say?”
The old man yelled, “He wants to see your license!”
The woman gave the officer her license. The patrolman then said, “I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I’ve ever seen.”
The woman turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?”
The old man yells, “He said he thinks he knows you!”.
Submitted by Calamjo
Editted by Curtis
Punishment for Kicking the Cat
A family of three lived in a small farm: the parents and a kid.
One day dad went off to work and mom told the boy what his
chores were for that day: First feed the pigs, then put the
chickens back in the cage, and then let the cows out in the
field to graze.
The boy went out to feed the pigs. He was in a very bad mood for
having to do such stupid chores, but he didn’t want to disobey
his mom so he fed the pigs like he should; but he hit them with
sticks and grumbled to himself. Next he went to put the chickens
in their cage; but while putting them into the cage he started
kicking and yelling at them. And last he went to let the cows
out in the field; since he was still in a bad mood he started
chasing the cows and yelling at them.
Mom saw all this happen and when the boy came back from his
chores she told him, “I saw the way you threw stuff at the pigs,
so for a week you don’t get any bacon for breakfast. I also saw
the way you kicked and yelled at the chickens so for one week no
eggs or chicken. I also saw the way you chased the cows while
putting them out in the field, so no hamburgers for you for a
week.”
Later that day, the dad came home from a terrible day at work.
As the dad walked up to the house he almost tripped over the
cat. “Damn cat!” So he kicked it really hard.
The boy turned to his mom and asked, “Should I tell him or
should you?”
Windows really doesnt WANT to work
When I printed some pictures off of my digital camera, my computer gave me the following ERROR message:
An error has occured while attempting to print your pictures:
The operation was completed succesfully.
I thought I was, but mother says I’m not.”
A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, “I’m Mr. Hudson’s
daughter.” Her mother told her this was wrong, she must just say, “I’m Jane
Hudson.” The minister spoke to her in Sunday school and said, “Aren’t you Mr.
Hudson’s daughter?” She replied, “Well, I thought I was, but mother says I’m
not.”
Bar joke
a guy walks into a bar… oww
Balince diet
Q:What is a balince diet?
A:The same amont of cokies in each hand!
Yo mamma………
yo mamma is so fat that when she goes to see a movie she sits next to everybody
Penguin Blow Job
A guy is walking down the street, and he’s really horny.
So he goes to the first whore house he sees. He only has five dollars, so they kick him out.
The guy goes to the next one. But, since he only has five dollars, he gets kicked out again.
So by this time, he’s really super horny, so he goes to the next one and says “Look, I only have five dollars. I’m really horny, and I need a blow-job for 5 dollars!”
The guy there says “OK. For five dollars, we can give you a penguin.”
“What’s a penguin?”
“You’ll see!!!”
So, the guy takes the $5 and leads the horny man to a bedroom.
The horny man unzips his pants, and waits for his “penguin.” Soon, a whore comes in and starts giving the guy a blow job.
Just as he’s about to loose his load, she stops and walks away.
Now, the horny guy with his pants at his ankles, waddles after her, shouting….
“HEY! WHAT’S A PENGUIN ?!”