Author: admin

Three ducks arrive

Posted on by admin

Three ducks arrive at the Police station. In deciding why they’re here, a police officer goes up to the first duck and says ”What’s your name??” The duck replies ”Quack”. The police officer then asks ”And why are you here ??” The duck says ”For blowing bubbles in the pond.” ”Blowing bubbles in the pond!! That’s illegal!! That’s a $50.00 fine!!” The duck agrees to pay the fine.

The police officer goes up to the second duck and says ”What’s your name??” The duck replies ”Quack Quack”. The police officer then asks ”And why are you here??” The duck says ”For blowing bubbles in the pond.” ”Blowing bubbles in the pond!! That’s illegal!! That’s a $50.00 fine!!” The duck agrees to pay the fine.

The police officer goes up to the third duck and says ”And your name must be Quack Quack Quack.” And the duck replies ”No, it’s Bubbles.”

Smelling and Hearing

Posted on by admin

An elderly woman goes to the doctor. She says, “Doc, it’s terrible, I pass gas all the time. Fortunately, it’s odorless and silent, otherwise I’d be mortified. For example, I’ve passed gas ten times just since we’ve been talking, but it’s odorless and silent so you can’t tell.” The doctor gives her some green pills and tells her to take one a day and come back in a week.
The woman comes back after taking the pills for a week. She says, “Doc, there’s been a change but not for the better. I still pass gas all the time, but while it’s still silent, now it smells terrible!”

The doctor says, “Well, I’m glad we cleared up your sinus blockage,now we’ll have to work on your hearing.”

Wishes in the Desert

Posted on by admin

Three men were trekking through the desert and came across a magician. The magician was standing at the top of a slide. The magician than said, ”You may each go down the slide, asking for a drink. When you reach the bottom of the slide you shall land a a huge glass of that drink.

The first man went down yelling, ”Beerrr!!!” Plop! He landed in a glass of beer.

The second guy went down the slide yelling,”lemonadeee!!!” Plop! He landed in a glass of lemonade.

The third guy went down the slide yelling ”wheeeeeeeee!!!”’

Bingo

Posted on by admin

A wife comes home at 3am and her husband meets her at the door.He askes her
where she got the big diamond ring that she is wearing? She says,”I won it
playing BINGO, run me a tub of water, I want to soak.”
The next night the wife comes home at 3am and her husband meets her at the
door and she has on a beautiful fur coat. He asks her where she got it from and
she says, “I won it playing BINGO. Run me a tub of water, I want to soak.”

The next night the wife comes in at 3am driving a new convertible. Her husband
asks her where she got the new car from and she says, “I won it playing BINGO.
Run me a tub of water, I want to soak.”

She undresses and goes into the bathroom then comes right back out and asks
her husband, “Why did you only put one inch of water in the bathtub?”

Her husband replies, “I didn’t want you to get your BINGO card wet!”

Ancient History Explained…

Posted on by admin

Ancient History Explained…

A team of archaeologists found a slab of rock with 5 figures carved on it, in order:

A Woman, A Donkey, A Shovel, A Fish, A Star of David.

After months of study, the leader took the rock and went on a lecture tour. He said the carvings were thousands of years old but even so, they revealed a lot about the people of that time.

The woman being placed first in the line of figures showed that women were held in very high esteem – most likely a family oriented culture.

They probably used the donkey to till the fields.
The shovel shows they were highly intelligent as they knew how to make tools.
The fish shows they knew how to augment the crops they raised by also reaping from the sea.
The Star of David of course indicates they were a very religious group of people.

A little old man in the front row finally got the attention of the speaker.

When acknowledged he said, “I’m sorry to blow your conclusions but you were reading it left to right. In Hebrew we read from right to left.

That way it reads, “Holy Mackerel, Dig the Ass on that Chick!”

7 actual titles of actual books

Posted on by admin

“Manhole Covers of Los Angeles,” by Robert and Mimi Melnick (1974) “Eat Your House: Art Eco Guide to Self-Sufficiency” by Frederic Hobbs (1981) “Proceedings of the Second Inter-national Workshop on Nude Mice,” University of Tokyo (1978) “Teach Yourself Alcoholism,” by Meier Glatt (1975) “Grow Your Own Hair,” by Ron MacLaren (1947) “Three Weeks in Wet Sheets” (1856) “The Art and Science of Dumpster Diving” (1997) — Bizarre News

Question and answer time

Posted on by admin

Q. If seagulls are called seagulls because they fly over the sea, what are they called when they fly over the bay?A. bagels———————————————————————-Q. What did the zen-master say to the New York City hotdog vendor?A. Make me one with everything.———————————————————————-Q. What’s the name of the ninth reindeer?A. Olive as in ‘olive the other reindeer’.———————————————————————-Q. What did George Washington say to his men before they got into the boat to cross the Potomac River?A. Men …. get in the boat…———————————————————————-Q. Why is a Texas tornado like a Tennessee divorce?A. Somebody’s gonna lose a trailer.