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A recent survey carried out by a leading soft drink manufacturer in Disneyland, produced some strange results.
Mickey Mouse likes Coca-Cola, while Minnie prefers Pepsi.
Donald Duck likes Dr. Pepper, while Daisy prefers Root beer.
Pluto likes plain old lemonade, as does Goofy.
But Snow White adores 7up.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Betty Boop
Dilberted To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. “I’ve been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week.”
Link Rot The process by which links on a web page became obsolete as the sites they’re connected to change location or die.
Chip Jewelry A euphemism for old computers destined to be scrapped or turned into decorative ornaments. “I paid three grand for that Mac SE, and now it’s nothing but chip jewelry.”
Crapplet A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet. “I just wasted 30 minutes downloading this stinkin’ crapplet!”
Plug-and-Play A new hire who doesn’t need any training. “The new guy, John, is great. He’s totally plug-and-play.”
World Wide Wait The real meaning of WWW.
CGI Joe A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social skills and charisma of a plastic action figure.
Dorito Syndrome Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive substances that lack nutritional content. “I just spent six hours surfing the Web, and now I’ve got a bad case of Dorito Syndrome.”
Under Mouse Arrest Getting busted for violating an online service’s rule of conduct. “Sorry I couldn’t get back to you. AOL put me under mouse arrest.”
Glazing Corporate-speak for sleeping with your eyes open. A popular pastime at conferences and early-morning meetings. “Didn’t he notice that half the room was glazing by the second session?”
404 Someone who’s clueless. From the World Wide Web message “404, URL Not Found,” meaning that the document you’ve tried to access can’t be located. “Don’t bother asking him…he’s 404, man.”
Dead Tree Edition The paper version of a publication available in both paper and electronic forms, as in: “The dead tree edition of the San Francisco Chronicle…”
Egosurfing Scanning the net, databases, print media, or research papers looking for the mention of your name.
Graybar Land The place you go while you’re staring at a computer that’s processing something very slowly (while you watch the gray bar creep across the screen). “I was in graybar land for what seemed like hours, thanks to that CAD rendering.”
Open-Collar Workers People who work at home or telecommute.
Squirt The Bird To transmit a signal up to a satellite. “Crew and talent are ready…what time do we squirt the bird?”
Brain Fart A biproduct of a bloated mind producing information effortlessly. A burst of useful information. “I know you’re busy on the Microsoft story, but can you give us a brain fart on the Mitnik bust?” Variation of old hackerslang that had more negative connotations.
Keyboard Plaque The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards. “Are there any other terminals I can use? This one has a bad case of keyboard plaque.”
Career-Limiting Move (CLM) Used among microserfs to describe an ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.
Alpha Geek The most knowledgeable, technically-proficient person in an office or work group. “Ask Larry, he’s the alpha geek around here.”
Adminisphere The rarified organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
Tourists People who are taking training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. “We had about three serious students in the class; the rest were tourists.”
Blowing Your Buffer Losing one’s train of thought. Occurs when the person you are speaking with won’t let you get a word in edgewise or has just said something so astonishing that your train gets derailed. “Damn, I just blew my buffer!”
Gray Matter Older, experienced business people hired by young entrepreneurial firms looking to appear more reputable and established.
Bookmark To take note of a person for future reference (a metaphor borrowed from web browsers). “I bookmarked him after seeing his cool demo at Siggraph.”
Nyetscape Nickname for AOL’s less-than-full-featured Web browser.
Beepilepsy The brief seizure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go off, especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions, and stopping speech in mid-sentence.
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices
a sign out of the corner of his eye… It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES
He thinks it was a figment of his imagination and drives on without
a second thought… Soon he sees another sign, which says:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES
Suddenly, he begins to realize that these signs are for
real… Then he drives past a third sign saying:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT
His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the
drive… On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a
small sign next to the door reading:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, “What may we do for you, my son?”
He answers, “I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in
possibly doing business.”
“Very well, my son. Please follow me.” He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, “Please knock on this door.”
He does as he is told and another nun in a long habit, holding a
tin cup answers the door. This nun instructs, “Please place $100 in the
cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this way.”
He gets $100 out of his wallet and places it in the second nuns cup. He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him. As the door locks behind him, he finds himself
back in the parking lot, facing another small sign:
GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED
BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT,
YOU SINNER.
What do a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?They’re both empty from the neck up!
Why don’t blondes water ski?
Because they lie down as soon as their crotches get wet.
Submitted by ���rt��
Edited by yisman
Three nuns were walking along the street and one was describing with
her hands the tremendous grapefruit she’d seen in Florida.
The second one, also with her hands, described the huge bananas
she’d seen in Jamaica.
The third nun, a little deaf, asked, “Father who?”
Two dwarfs decide to treat themselves to a vacation in Las Vegas. At the hotel
bar, they’re dazzled by two women, and wind up taking them to their separate
rooms.
The first dwarf is disappointed, however, as he’s unable to reach a certain
physical state that would enable him to join with his date. His depression is
enhanced by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of ONE, TWO,
THREE…HUH! all night long.
In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, “How did it go?”.
The first whispers back, “It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn’t get an
erection”.
The second dwarf shook his head. “You think that’s embarrassing? I couldn’t
even get on the bed!”
Larry wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Larry looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean.
So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table: “Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you.” So he goes to the kitchen, and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating.
Larry asks, “Son, what happened last night?”
His son says, “Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious, broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door.”
Confused, Larry asks, “So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?”
His son replies, “Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, “Lady, leave me alone, I’m married’!”
A housewife, an accountant and a lawyer were asked “How much is 2 2?”
The housewife replies: “Four!”.
The accountant says: “I think it’s either 3 or 4. Let me run those figures through my spreadsheet one more time.”
The lawyer pulls the drapes, dims the lights and asks in a hushed voice, “How much do you want it to be?”
A man was driving home from work one evening when he suddenly realized Christmas was coming up and he had not yet purchased his daughter a gift.
So, the man rushed off to the nearest toy store and asked the sales clerk, “How much is that Barbie in the window?”
The sales clerk replied in a condescending tone, “Which Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00.”
The overwhelmed man asked, “Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 and all the others are only $19.95?”
“That’s obvious!” said the sales clerk. “Divorce Barbie comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car, Ken’s boat, and Ken’s furniture.”
Tres se�oras est�n platicando acerca de sus ex-maridos, quej�ndose de todo. Finalmente, la �ltima de ellas tiene oportunidad de hablar.
“Como ustedes saben, yo he estado casada tres veces. Mi primer marido era ginec�logo y todo lo que quer�a era examinarme all�. Mi segundo marido era psic�logo y todo lo que quer�a era interpretar como me sent�a. Mi tercer marido era coleccionista de estampillas… �Dios m�o, c�mo lo voy a extra�ar!”
Q: What’s the difference between Bill Clinton and a gigolo?
A: A gigolo can only screws one person at a time.