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Anna’s mother has 3 kids… the youngest daughter’s name is Penny… the middle daughter’s name is Nickel……. What is the oldest daughter’s name?
You think you know it???
Aww.. a smart one you are! You were probably thinking her name was Dime…. but if you were really smart you would know that the oldest daughters name is Anna!!!
You use your mailbox to hold up one end of your clothesline.
On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him.
He asks the stewardess for a coffee whereupon the parrot squawks, “And get me a coke, you cow!”
The stewardess, flustered, brings back a coke for the parrot and forgets the coffee.
When this omission is pointed out to her, the parrot drains its glass and bawls “And get me another coke dogface!”
Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another coke but still no coffee. Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot’s approach. “I’ve asked you twice for a coffee!
Go and get it now you old goat!”
The next moment both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards.
Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says, “For someone who can’t fly, you’ve got guts!”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
One night little Johnny got up to get a drink of water…. while walking past his parents he was forced to stop and scream daddy daddy what are you doing to mommy.The dad simply replied mmmm� just making your brother Johnny �..go back to bed.The next day when the dad got home from work he found Johnny crying on the stoop ….he asked Johnny what was wrong and Johnny replied oh daddy this morning I saw the mailman trying to eat my new brother
An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet.He says, “Lady, if this vacuum cleaner doesn’t do wonders cleaning this up, I’ll eat every chunk of it.”She turns to him with a smirk and says, “You want ketchup on that?”The salesman says, “Why do you ask?”She says, “We just moved in and we haven’t got the electricity turned on yet.”
A man takes the day off of work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, “Ribbit. 9 Iron”
The man looks round and doesn’t see anyone so he tries again. “Ribbit. 9 Iron.” He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! he hits a birdie. He is shocked.
He says to the frog, “Wow that’s amazing. You must be a lucky frog eh?” The frog reply’s “Ribbit, Lucky frog. Lucky frog.” The man decided to take the frog with him to the next hole. “What do you think frog?”, the man asks. “Ribbit 3 wood.” was the reply.
The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn’t know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, “Ok where to next?” The frog reply, “Ribbit Las Vegas”.
They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, “Ok frog, now what?” The frog says, “Ribbit Roulette”. Upon approaching the roulette table the man asks,” what do you think I should bet?” The frog replies, “Ribbit $3000 black 6.” Now, this is a million to one shot that this would win but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.
The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, “Frog, I don’t know how to repay you. You won me all this money and I am forever grateful.” The frog replies, “Ribbit, Kiss Me”.
He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him he deserves it.
All of a sudden the frog turns into the most gorgeous 16 year old girl in the world.
And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room”.
“Lay down and let’s see what you’ve got.”
“I’ve got strength but no length.”
“Take your hand off my trick!”
“You jumped me twice when you didn’t have the strength for one raise.”
“Now it’s time for me to play with your husband and you can play with mine.”
“I have to protect my honour now.”
“Well, I guess we’ll go home now. This is the last rubber.”
I disapprove of every conspiracy of which I am not a part.
Q: Why did God give a man a penis?
A: So we’d have at least one way to shut a woman up.
15> He’s favored 10-1 to take this year’s Kentucky Derby, even though he’s not a horse.
14> Was badly injured during the pole vault when he hit a helicopter.
13> Sent to track down Barry’s last home-run ball, the Verizon guy hasn’t been heard from in weeks.
12> Swims the English channel — in a single breath.
11> Clearing a path for her last stone, the broom caught fire just before she brushed a hole clean through the ice.
10> Maria Shriver is dangling from his biceps.
9> His latest tattoo is a life-size reproduction of the Sistine Chapel ceiling.
8> He’s already shattered 84 chess clocks this year.
7> Routinely checks the Zamboni into the boards.
6> Helga would have set a record in the 40-yard dash had she not tripped on her penis.
5> His once-weak backhand now rivals James Brown’s.
4> Made the diamonds in his Super Bowl ring himself by clenching charcoal between his buttocks.
3> Surreptitious nut-scratching in the dugout involves a belt sander.
2> When not competing, he uses his javelin to go duck hunting.
1> She goes on rampages every month in which she becomes irrational, uncontrollable and dangerously volatile. What other explanation could there be?
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
Q. what did batman say to robin before he got into the car.
A. get into the car
After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.”How about some perfume?” he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50.”That’s a bit much,” said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.”Thats still quite a bit,” Tom groused.Growing disgusted, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle.Tom grew agitated, “What I mean,” he said, “is I’d like to see something real cheap.”So the clerk handed him a mirror.