Author: admin

You’re Passionate

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Two police officers saw an old woman staggering down the street.

Stopping her, they saw that she had had far too much to drink. Instead of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home.

They loaded her into the police cruiser, and one of the officers gets in the back with the drunk woman.

As they drove through the streets they kept asking the woman where she lived, but all she would say as she stroked the officer’s arm was, “You’re passionate.”

They drove a while longer and asked again, again the same response as she stroked his arm, “You’re passionate.”

The officers were getting a little upset so they stopped the car and said to the woman, “Look, we have driven around this city for two hours and you still haven’t told us where you live.”

She replied, “I keep trying to tell you, you’re passin it!”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo and yisman

Rabbit and Bear

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A bear is walking throught the woods looking for somewhere to
take a shit. He finds a tree sits down and starts shitting. Just
then a rabbit walks up and starts shitting right next to him.
then the bear says “rabbit do you have a problem with shit
sticking to your fur?” the rabbit said no so the bear picked the
rabbit up and whiped his ass with him

Pickle juice

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There was a building and the first floor had a pickle store. the second was nothing. the third floor was selling saws.one day a person went out on the porch of the second floor. the third floors manager droped a saw down. the saw cut the person’s ass then ass fell into a pickle jar. after a while an old lady bought the pickle jar with the ass inside it.when she went home she ate one. then she ate another one and another and another until the ass. when she ate it she said this one is extra good. she went back to the pickle store she said she will take 20 more jars……especially the ones with the white things inside it…

For Chocolate Lovers

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For Chocolate Lovers:

If you’ve got melted chocolate all over your hands, you’re eating it too slowly.

Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It’ll take the edge off your appetite and you’ll eat less.

A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn’t that handy?

If you can’t eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can’t eat all your chocolate, what is wrong with you?

If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet?

Money talks. Chocolate sings.

Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.

Q. Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous? A. Because no one wants to quit.

If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated.

Put “eat chocolate” at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you’ll get one thing done.