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EU Directive 456179
In order to meet the conditions for joining the Single European currency,all citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland must be made aware that the phrase “Spending a Penny” is not to be used after 31st December 2001.
From this date, the correct terminology will be: “Euronating “.
Thank you for your attention
The NFL announced today in a press conference that one team from the league
needed to be eliminated. What officials have decided to do is combine the Green
Bay Packers and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and form one team therefore saving
jobs.
They will be known as the TAMPACKS – They’re only good for one period and have
no second string!
My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes. I noticed their Disney password was “MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto,” and asked why it was so long.”Because,” my son explained, “they say it has to have at least four characters.”
Things that sound dirty at Thanksgiving but really aren’t:
Reach in and grab the giblets.
Whew… that’s one terrific spread!
I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.
Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist.
Talk about a huge breast!
”And he forces his way into the end zone.”
She’s 5000 pounds fully inflated and it takes 15 men to hold her down.
It’s cool whip time!
If I don’t unbuckle my pants, I’m going to burst.
It must be broken ’cause when I push on the tip, nothing squirts out.
When society looks towards the lavatory for its humor,
the writing is on the walls.
Two construction workers were working on the 30th floor.
Suddenly one of them had to piss. The other guy agreed to hold
on to him while the first guy leaned out a window. Just then the
dinnerbell sounded and the guy who was holding the other one
completely forgot about holding on and ran down to get his food.
On the 20th floor he was stopped by his boss, who asked if the
guy that he worked with was gay. “Why do you ask?” he said.
“Because a minute ago he came flying past my window with his
dick in his hand asking, ‘Where the fuck did that ASSHOLE go?'”
Q: What’s the major cause of divorce?
A: Once is not enough.
your mamas so ugly she made onions cry!!
Jokes to play on fellow Astronaughts when aboard the new Space station….Break the radio and say that while everyone was sleeping there was nuclear battle and everyone is now dead.look out the window any scream “We’re being boarded!!”Uncouple the Japanese section, and as they float away helplessly yell “That’s for Pearl Harbour!!…”Use the Canada arm to start punching the Russian space shuttle and then exclaim that “they were asking for it with all their freakin’ late-night cooking smells”Flush a crew member out the air lock and tell everyone he was an alien planning1 to kill everyone and that you saved them from being cocooned!Lock someone outside and tell him you won’t let them in until he guesses the right number between 1-million. Then tell him you were only kidding and testing his resilience under pressure, and let him in just before his air runs out.Dump a bottle of Vodka in the Russian’s space suit, smash him over the head with his space hat, and as he reels about, point at him and exclaim to everyone: “Hey, look at Euvonnamokinov, he’s drunk in space! Lock him in the ejection pod till we return!”Instead of bringing your experiments on board, smuggle in a hooker!When docking the shuttle, start beating the Viking war drum you hid by the controls and yell “RAMMING SPEED”
What is worse than ten dead people in one trashcan? One dead person in ten trashcans
A young executive was working late, trying to impress his boss.
As he was leaving the office at 7 p.m., he found the CEO standing in front of the document shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
“Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary left hours ago. Can you make this thing work?”
“Certainly,” said the young executive.
Excited with the opportunity to kiss up to the man, he turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
“Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO, “I don’t know what I would have done without you.”
As his paper disappeared inside the machine the relieved CEO says, “Now, I just need one copy.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”?
Why is “abbreviated” such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on “Start”?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing
liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on
airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that
stuff?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of a drive-up ATM?
Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of
progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
Why does a house burn down and furniture burn up?
Why do they call it a Hot water heater? If the waters already
hot, why heat it. It should be called a cold water heater right?