What did the Jewish pedophile ask the little girl?
– “Hey, little girl, you want to buy some candy?”
Author: admin
Einstein’s Chauffeur
When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.
“I have an idea, boss,” his chauffeur said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.” Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!” When they arrive at the dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur’s cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”
~~
Editor’s note: No, it’s not true, so don’t go forwarding it to your boss at the car park.
A limited arousal
A man is having problems with his penis, which certainly had seen better times. He consults a doctor who, after a couple of tests, says, ”Sorry, but you’ve overdone it the last 30 years. Your penis is burned out. You only have 30 erections left in your penis.”The man walks home, deeply depressed. His wife is waiting for him at the front door and asks him what the doctor said concerning his problem. He tells her what the doctor told him. She says, ”Oh no, only 30 times! We shouldn’t waste that. We should make a list!” He replies, ”Yes, I already made a list on the way home. Sorry, your name isn’t on it.”
Lesbians
What do you call a lesbian with a strong, long tongue?
answer: talented & available
What is the difference between
What is the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomanic and a
Jewish American Princess?
A prositute says “Are you done yet?”
A nymphomanic says “You’re done already!!”
A Jewish American Princess says “Beige,…..I think I’ll
paint the ceiling beige”
april fools!
a lady was giving birth to a baby on the kitchen table when the baby finally came out the doctor grabbed the baby by the imbilical cord and started salmming it against the floor and then booted it to the other side of the room the lady then asked in a screaming voice “why did you do that to my baby” and the doctor replied “april fools it was already dead”
Una pareja atravesaba por una
Una pareja atravesaba por una crisis econ�mica, por lo que el marido le informa a la mujer que la �nica soluci�n es que ella trabaje en la calle, no sin antes advertirle que �l se encargar�a de los asuntos monetarios.
La mujer accede y acuerdan pararse en una esquina. �l se esconde detr�s de unos matorrales, y ella comienza a hacer se�as a los automovilistas.
Un BMW se detiene, y el tipo le pregunta cu�nto cobra. Ella va detr�s de los matorrales a preguntarle a su marido cu�nto puede cobrar.
El marido al ver el auto le dice que cobre 200 d�lares.
El automovilista accede, pero al revisar su billetera se da cuenta que s�lo tiene 130 d�lares.
Ella va donde el marido y le informa que el tipo tiene s�lo 130 d�lares. El marido le indica que por ese precio �nicamente puede darle una chupadita.
La mujer le comunica al individuo la decisi�n del marido y �ste acepta. Al comenzar a sacarle el pito, la mujer se da cuenta que lo tiene de buen tama�o. Piensa un poco, se baja del auto y va con el marido: “oye, �tienes 70 d�lares que me prestes?”
Two dwarfs
Two dwarfs decide to treat themselves to a vacation in Las Vegas. At the hotel
bar, they’re dazzled by two women, and wind up taking them to their separate
rooms.
The first dwarf is disappointed, however, as he’s unable to reach a certain
physical state that would enable him to join with his date. His depression is
enhanced by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of ONE, TWO,
THREE…HUH! all night long.
In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, “How did it go?”.
The first whispers back, “It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn’t get an
erection”.
The second dwarf shook his head. “You think that’s embarrassing? I couldn’t
even get on the bed!”
President Bill Clinton visits Pearly Gates
President Clinton died and knocked at the Pearly Gates. “Who goes there?” inquired St. Peter.”It’s me, Bill Clinton”. “What bad things did you do on Earth?” Clinton thought a bit and answered, “Well, I smoked marijuana, but you shouldn’t hold that against me because I didn’t inhale. I guess I had some affairs, but you couldn’t hold that against me because no one called them affairs! And I lied, but I didn’t commit perjury.”After several moments of deliberation St. Peter replied, “OK, here’s the deal. We’ll send you someplace where it is very hot, but we won’t call it ‘Hell.’ You’ll be there for an indefinite period of time, but we won’t call it ‘eternity.’ Don’t ‘abandon all hope’ upon entering but don’t hold your breath waiting for it to freeze over.”
Reasons Women Should Not Have Freedom of Speech
Reasons Women Should Not Have Freedom of Speech…
1. She doesn’t need to talk to get me a beer.
2. If she’s in the kitchen like she should be, no one can hear her anyway.
3. If she can talk, all she’ll do is complain.
4. Because she won’t say “I will” instead of “I do.”
5. No man wants to hear “first down” during a basketball game.
6. Because PMS is no excuse for whining.
7. No man needs or wants to hear the word “period” unless it has to do with hockey.
8. Women created tampon and yeast infection commercials during football.
9. Affirmative action.
10. When men whistle at them in the street, they should just shut up and obey.
11. If my dick’s in her mouth, she can’t talk anyway.
12. Oprah.
13. Feminists.
14. Because that stupid look on her face should not be accompanied by an equally stupid statement.
15. The 2nd and 19th amendments.
16. I don’t want to be made to lie and say “I love you” after sex.
17. Highway fatalities would decrease by over 90%.
18. When I sneak out at four in the morning, I don’t want to hear anybody calling me back.
19. “No, I will NOT buy you tampons while I’m at the store”
20. This is my dick. I’m gonna fuck you. No more stupid questions.
21. Don’t waste your breath, I won’t respect you in the morning.
22. Women sportscasters.
23. Women congressman.
24. God forbid, a woman president. (Oops, my bad — see #66)
25. Marge Schott.
26. Stupid says as stupid does (and is).. Dikes (unless I can jump in the middle).
28. Where does speaking come into “barefoot and pregnant?”
29. Yes that toilet seat was yellow in the first place.
30. TLC and Salt-N-Pepa.
31. I could give a shit if you’re pregnant.
32. I don’t care if you’re in labor. For the love of god, let me sleep.
33. They were the reason for the 18th ammendment.
34. The life expectancy of the average male goes down with every bitchy word.
35. Female drunks are annoying unless they put out (for which they don�t need to talk)
36. We’re tired of their “We can’t pee standing up” shit.
37. That damn apple.
38. If she can’t speak, she can’t cry rape.
39. Of course, if she can’t speak, she can’t say no.
40. Rosanne. Nuff said.
41. Suzanne Powter. Too much said.
42. Honestly, do they really have anything useful to say?
43. Only one set of lips should be moving at a time.
44. If she can’t talk, she can’t bitch when I forget important dates.
45. There are no speaking parts in pornos anyway.
46. When she talks she’s not drinking, it’s hard to get her drunk when she talking.
47. Nothing should come out a woman’s mouth, SWALLOW BITCH!
48. The Mute button only works on the TV.
49. Whores get paid by the hour not by the word.
50. Helen Keller was the ultimate woman.
51. Equality is for math.
52. The credit card bill speaks for itself.
53. If it hurts, I don’t wanna hear it.
54. Marcia Clark.
55. Chick-flicks.
56. You don’t see Victoria’s Secret models talking, do you?
57. Janet, Mariah, and Whitney.
58. Michael Jackson.
59. Silence and sex make a great combination.
60. N. O. W. ? NO. NOW BITCH? YES.
61. Intelligent car conversation? Hell no. Her head should never be above the dashboard.
62. That annoying fat bitch from Snapple.
63. Your mouth is useful in so many other ways.
64. High phone bills really suck.
65. Women should be seen and not heard.
66. Do you think it was BILL Clinton who fucked up the country?
67. If I want romance, I’ll turn on Playboy (hopefully not her).
68. Because they’re not men.
69. 69, finally a use for both lips at the same time.
70. If I wanted your opinion, I’d ask for it.
71. Hell, if I wanted your opinion, I’d give it to you.
72. “Where’ve you been?” Who the fuck are you, my mother?
73. Women on radio? You can’t see them, do you really want to hear
them?
74. Unless the words are “Doctor, can you make these bigger?,” shut the fuck up.
75. Big breasts should speak for themselves.
En el catecismo, la consejera
En el catecismo, la consejera le pregunta a Pepito:
“�Qui�n fue la madre de Mois�s?”
“La hija del Fara�n”, contesta Pepito de inmediato.
“Te equivocas”, le dice la catequista, “ella tan s�lo lo encontr� en el Nilo, flotando en una canastita y lo adopt�”.
“�Usted tambi�n se va a creer el cuento que invent� ella?”, replica Pepito.
Wet blondes
Why don’t blondes water ski?
Because they lie down as soon as their crotches get wet.
Submitted by ���rt��
Edited by yisman