A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff. He got as far as Black Canyon City before the mountains just became too much and he could go no farther. He stuck his thumb out, but after 3 hours hadn’t gotten a single person to stop. Finally, a guy in a Corvette pulled over and offered him a ride. Of course, the bike wouldn’t fit in the car. The owner of the Corvette found a piece of rope lying by the highway and tied it to his bumper. He tied the other end to the bike and told the man that if he was going too fast, to honk the horn on his bike and that he would slow down. Everything went fine for the first 30 miles. Suddenly, another Corvette blew past them. Not to be outdone, the Corvette pulling the bike took off after the other. A short distance down the road, the Corvettes, both going well over 120 mph, blew through a speed trap. The police officer noted the speeds from his radar gun and radioed to the other officer that he had two Corvettes headed his way at over 120 mph. He then relayed, ”…and you’re not going to believe this, but there’s guy on a 10 speed bike honking to pass.”
Author: admin
Little Johnny on the Farm!
Little Johnny wakes up and comes down to breakfast. Since he lived on a farm, his mother asked if he had done his chores.
“Not yet,” replied little Johnny.
His mother tells him he can’t have any breakfast until he does his chores.
Well, now he’s a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken.
He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow.
He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.
He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
“How come I don’t get any eggs and bacon? Why don’t I have any milk in my cereal?” he asks.
“Well,” his mother says, “I saw you kick a chicken, so you don’t get any eggs. I saw you kick the pig, so you don’t get any bacon, either.
I also saw you kick the cow, so you aren’t getting any milk this morning.”
Just about then, his father comes down for breakfast, and he kicks the cat as he’s walking into the kitchen.
Little Johnny looks up at his mother with a smile, and says…
“Are you going to tell him, or should I?
Yo mamma is so fat……..;
Yo mamma so fat when she saw a school bus full of white kids she said “finally a decent size Twinkie”
Feeling 12 Feet Under
Why do they bury lawyers twelve feet under instead of the normal
six feet?
Because deep down, they really are good people.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot! (boom tish!!)
First to get a brain
You were one of the first to get a brain, before they were perfected.
Wedding
You might be a redneck if you go fishing and then to McDonald’s on your honeymoon.
Canada Bill Jones’s Supplement:
Canada Bill Jones’s Supplement: A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
Blonde Bar Trick
A man walks into a bar, with a huge alligator on a leash. He walks over to the bar, and orders a beer. The bartender says “Sorry sir. You can’t bring that alligator in here! It’s a dangerous animal, and you’re scaring all of the patrons!”
True enough, the man looked around, and noticed that everyone was standing on the tables, looking very nervous. “But wait!” he cried, “this alligator is tame! It wouldn’t hurt anyone!”.
However, the bartender is adamant.
“If”, the man continues, “I can prove that this alligator is not vicious, can he stay?”.
“Well, I guess so”, says the bartender, “however, you’re going to have a devil of a time proving to everyone in here that that alligator is tame!”
The man smiles, and leans over the alligator. “Ralph!”, he shouts, “Sit up!”
With that, he beats the alligator on the head with his fist “BANG BANG BANG”. And the alligator rears up on its tail.
“Ralph, open your mouth!” BANG BANG BANG… And the alligator opened it’s huge mouth wide, revealing row upon row of gleaming white teeth.
The man pulls out his wang, and lays it in the alligators mouth, as the entire bar crowd gasps.
“Ralph! Close your mouth, but DON’T BITE!” BANG BANG BANG… As the man pummels the alligator on the head, the giant mouth slowly closes, and stops juuuussttt short of biting the guys dick off.
The crowd sighs, and the man says “Ralph, open your mouth!” BANG BANG BANG! and the alligators mouth opens wide again.
“There,” says the man to the crowd, “now would anyone else like to try this?”
A blonde in the back says “Yeah, I’ll try, but only if your promise not to hit me on the head so hard.”
Los reci�n casados llegan al
Los reci�n casados llegan al hotel donde pasar�n su primera noche juntos, pero hay un peque�o problema: la novia est� en sus d�as. La mujer no se lo dice a su esposo porque de todos modos decide hacerlo.
Al otro d�a, cuando el novio se levanta y no encuentra a su compa�era en la cama, observa que la s�bana est� manchada con sangre.
“�La mat�!”, exclama el tipo.
Se levanta y ve que en el piso tambi�n hay huellas de sangre.
“�La arrastr�!”
Entra al cuarto de ba�o y se mira en el espejo.
“�Me la com�!”
Why do redneck farmers wear
Why do redneck farmers wear overalls with a button fly?
Because the livestock can hear a zipper a mile away.
Caught with the turkey
A farmer and his wife are given the gift of a parrot from a relative. The Parrot, being a male, sneaks out and screws the next door neighbors turkeys and rushes back home, but not before being caught in the act. The next door neighbors knock on the door and explain what the Parrot has been doing. The owners of the parrot reprimand him and tell him if he doesn’t stop it he’s going to shave the parrots head. That night the Parrot, overcome with desire, sneaks out and screws his neighbors turkeys again. The next morning the owner ties the bird down and proceeds to shave his head. The following morning is the Farmers daughters wedding, and in order to please the relative that gave them the parrot, they sit the parrot on a piano and tell him for his punishment he has to greet all the guests and tell them where to sit in the church. The parrot is doing fine. ‘Grooms side to the left and Brides side to the right’. Until two bald guys walk in and he says, ‘And you two Turkey fuckers up on the piano with me!!!’