How can you tell if your husband might be unfaithful?
Check and see if he has a penis.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Author: admin
Knock Knock 120
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Luke!
Luke who?
Luke through the keyhole and you’ll see!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Luther!
Luther who?
Luther the silver lining!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Lyndon!
Lyndon who?
Lyndon ear and I’ll tell you!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Madame!
Madame who?
Madame foot is caught in the door!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Mae!
Mae who?
Mae be I’ll tell you or Mae be I won’t!
Boxers or briefs?
What did Bob Dole reply when asked if he preferred boxers or briefs?
“Depends.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
Jesus
A man who thought he was John the Baptist was disturbing the neighborhood, so for public safety, he was committed.
He was put in a room with another crazy and immediately began his routine, “I am John The Baptist! Jesus Christ has sent me!”
The other guy looks at him and declares, “I did not!”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
americas pop princes
eggs $2.55 hockey mask even tohugh you don’t play hockey $10.00 brittany spears concert tickets $60.00 egging the hell out of americas pop princess -PRICELESS-
Metric Riddle
Q: “What kind of meters can kill you?” A: Kilomeaters!!!!
God is Watching
Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Christian school
for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The teacher made a note, “Take only one apple, God is watching!”
Moving through the line, to the other end of the table, was a
large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A young boy wrote a note,
“Take all you want, God is watching the apples.”
Lawyers and sharks
Question: Why don’t sharks bite lawyers?
Answer: Professional courtesy.
Question: If a skunk and a lawyer both get hit by cars and are lying in the middle of the road, how do you tell them apart?
Answer: The skunk has skid marks in front of it.
Cadillacs
Three little black boys sitting on a porch. The first little black boy says, “What would you do with a million dollars?” The second boy said, “I’d buy that blue Cadillac over there.” The third little boy said, “I’d buy the pink Cadillac siiting over there.” Then the third little boy asked the first what he’d do with the money. The first boy replied, “I’d cover myself in hair.” The other two asked “why?” and he said because my sister has a(2″ x 2″) patch of hair and she owns both those Cadillacs!
Always remember to pillage BEFORE
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn!
Ancient translation
There was this guy who wanted to become a monk and copy the ancient scriptures of the bible. So he became a monk and went to the monastery to see if he could get the job.
He got the job and the priest gave him scriptures to copy. He found out that he was copying from a copy and asked why he couldn’t copy from the originals because somebody could have made a mistake while copying.
The priest replied, “Because the originals are too valuable.” So the monk asked if he could at least see the originals and the priest agreed to just let him see them.
The priest took the monk down to the vaults where all of the original scriptures were, showed them to the monk, and left him to his silence. The priest was waiting by the door for about an hour and finally decided to go check on the monk.
When he got down to the vaults he saw that the monk was banging his head against the wall and asked what was wrong.
The monk replied, “It said celebrate!”
Submitted by Admin
Edited by Curtis
Not that kind’a guy
A cowboy walks into a Saloon after he rode 150 miles on his horse in one day.
He had a drink about two weeks ago, but he had himself a lady about two months
ago.
He enters the saloon sits down and orders a whiskey. He sees that he is the
only one in the bar except for the bartender. “Sorry, barkeep, tell me, you got
any gals around here?� the cowboy asks “No sir, ‘Round here is only you, me, and
‘Old George, there attar back,” the barkeep replies as he shows in the direction
of the toilet with his head.
“No,” shouts the cowboy, “I am not that kind�s guy.”
So the cowboy just sits and orders another whiskey. After he had about half a
bottle he asks the barkeep the same question as earlier. He gets the same
answer:
“No sir, Round here is only you, me, and ‘Old George, there attar back. Again
the cowboy says, “No way am I not that kind�s guy.” So he just drinks and
drinks.
The more he drinks the hornier he gets. After he had about two bottles of
whiskey he asks the barkeep the same question and gets the same answer. But he
is so horny by now that he decides ‘Old George there attar back will have to do,
but he doesn’t want anybody to know that he did ‘Old George there attar back.
So he asks the barkeep: “If I do ‘Old George there attar back, who’s going to
know about it?” The barkeep answers: “Well, sir It will be me, you, ‘Old George
there attar back, and the four guys holding him down, ’cause he isn�t that kinds
guy either!”