Girl to Doctor: Doctor, Help! My brother thinks he’s a chicken!
Doctor: How long has this been going on?
Girl: About a year.
Doctor: Wow! Why didn’t you tell me sooner?
Girl: Because we needed the eggs!
Author: admin
Doctor,Doctor
Doctor,doctor i feel like i am being ignored
Docter:Next please!
25 cents
You’re all bruised. What happened?
I called my girl friend a two-bit whore and she hit me with a bag of quarters.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Clark Kent
Spreading rubbish
have you heard the joke about butter?
better not tell you,you might spread it
have you heard the joke about the dustbin?
better not tell you,its rubbish
The Wisdom of Will Rogers
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes
from bad judgment.
Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier ‘n putting’
it back in.
If you’re riding’ ahead of the herd, take a look back every now
and then to make sure it’s still there.
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he
started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and
shot him…The moral: When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth
shut.
Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
There’s two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop
digging.
Never slap a man who’s chewing tobacco.
It don’t take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person,
don’t be surprised if they learn their lesson.
When you’re throwing’ your weight around, be ready to have it
thrown around by somebody else.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put
it back in your pocket.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
There are three kinds of men. The ones that learn by reading.
The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee
on the electric fence for themselves.
ISDN
It Still Does Nothing
Hillbilly
Q: how do you circumsize a hillbilly????
A: kick his sister in the jaw!!!!!
ID?
An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40 and says to the driver, “Got any ID?”
The driver says,” ‘ Bout what?”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
What…..
What do a bungee jump and hooker have in common?They’re both fast, cheap, and if the rubber breaks your dead!
Teachers First Day
It was the first day of school, and the elementary school teacher was establishing the fact that she’d take no nonsense from the kiddies this year. While taking the roll, she was told by one boy “My name is Johnny Fuckhauer”.
So she said “There’ll be none of that kind of thing this year, Johnny; tell me your REAL name!”.
The kid said “No, really teacher, it IS Johnny Fuckhauer. You can go across the hall to fourth grade and ask my brother if you don’t believe me!”
Not wanting to be subjected to that kind of thing, the teacher went across the hall and knocked on the fourth grade classroom door.
The fourth grade teacher had stepped down the hall to the front office for a moment, so she entered the room and directly asked the class “Do you have a Fuckhauer in here?”
“Hell no!” replied a little kid from the front row, “We don’t even get a cookie break!”
Redneck Custody
You might be a redneck if, your wife’s hairdo was ever ruined by a ceiling fan!
You might be a redneck if, you refuse to slide during a softball game because you don’t want to crush your cigarettes!
You might be a redneck if, you’re mowing your lawn and find a car.
You might be a redneck If, you were shooting pool when any of your children were born!
You might be a redneck if, you were conceived, born and taught on a pool table.
You might be a redneck if, the interviewer asks, ‘”Did you know that we are a Fortune 500 Company?'” And you answer, ‘”What track do y’all sponsor that race at? I ain’t been to that one yet.”
You might be a redneck If, you’ve ever been involved in a custody fight over a dog!
You are a redneck if your prom date is your brother, or if you went to the prom in your father’s pickup truck!
You might be a Redneck if you use the same tree your dog does!
Good news?
A doctor tells his patient –
“I’ve got some good news and I’ve got some bad news for you”.
So, the patient asks, “What’s the good news, Doc?”
And the doctor says, “They’re going to name a disease after you!”