What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
Author: admin
Yo mama’s So Fat
Yo’ mama so fat, that in order to kiss her, your dad has to hit her in the
stomach and ride the third wave in!
Cab Driver
Peter’s first date with Meg had gone well. As they sat in Peter’s front seat on a remote country road, Meg made an announcement.
“I’m actually a prostitute,” Meg warned. “If you want any action, it’ll cost you $30.”
“Well,” Peter shot back, “I have to tell you something too. I’m actually a cab driver. If you want a ride back into the city, it’ll cost you $50.”
Santa Saves the Day
A really hot beautiful blonde was about to jump off a bridge to
kill herself. As she got ready to jump, Santa Clause came
walking down and he said, “Now hold up a minute missy. Step down
from there. I am the real Santa Clause.” Surprised, she stepped
down and said, “What?” Santa said, “This may sound weird, but I
am the real Santa Clause. I am allowed to make one surprise
visit per Christmas, and you looked like you needed a little
help. What’s wrong?”
“I have been working at my job for 3 great years and I got fired
today. I thought to myself, whatever doesn’t kill me can make me
stronger. So I went home to my great husband of 5 years only to
find him fucking my best friend! So I said to myself, ‘I lost my
job, my boyfriend and my best friend, I have nothing else to
live for!'”
Santa said, “Alright, I can clean up this mess if you could do
one thing for me.” “Anything,” the blonde said. “How about a
blow job.”
After about 20 minutes of bliss for Santa he said, “Thank you.
When you go home, you will have your husband, best friend, and
job back.” She said, “Great!”
Santa said, “One more thing, how old are you?” She replied, “24.
Why?”
Santa walked off and said, “24 and still believes in Santa
Clause!”
Fat vs. Virgin (pun alert!)
What’s the difference between a fat lady and a virgin?Ones tryin’ to diet the other dyin’ to try it!!!!!!
Clinton golf ball
Ever heard of the Bill Clinton golf ball?
It will give you a perfect lie everytime!
Jesus Is Watching
One night a man broke into a house and was in the middle of stealing the home entertainment center, when out of nowhere he hears, ” Jesus is watching.” Well, this totally spooked him , so he began looking around with his flashlight. Up in the corner he found a birdcage with a parrot inside. relieved, he says “pretty bird,” to which the parrot replied,” Jesus is watching.” The thief asked the bird what his name is and the bird said “Moses.” The thief said, “What a silly name for a bird.” The bird replied, “You think thats funny, the rottweiller’s name is Jesus.”
HAM & CHEESE
This man and this woman share a bunk bed with their son. The man and woman
sleep on the top and the kid sleeps on the bottom. One night when the kid is
asleep, the parents climb to their bed. The man says to the woman, “Say ham when
you want it harder, say cheese when you want it softer.”
All through the night the kid hears, “HAM, HAM, HAM, cheese, HAM, HAM, HAM,
cheese!”
When the kid wakes up the next morning, he tells his mother, “Mommy, you got
to stop making those ham and cheese sandwiches at night cause I end up getting
mayonnaise all over me!”
The sex trap
A husband suspects his wife is having an affair. He needs to go on a business trip for several days, so he decides to set a trap for her. He puts a bowl of milk under the bed. From the bed springs, he suspends a spoon. He has it calibrated so that her weight on the bed will not drop the spoon into the milk. But, if there is any more weight than that, the spoon will drop into the milk and he will detect it upon his return home.He comes home several days later. The first thing he does is reaches under the bed and retrieves the bowl. The bowl is full of butter.
So she could lip read.
Why did the deaf blonde sit on the newspaper?
So she could lip read.
En medio de la noche,
En medio de la noche, un ni�o le grita a su padre:
“�Pap�, los mosquitos no me dejan dormir, me est�n picando!”
“Bueno, hijo, apaga la luz; cierra tus ojitos e intenta dormir”, responde el padre desde su habitaci�n.
El ni�o se levanta a apagar la luz, pero al regresar a la cama ve una luci�rnaga. Y grita de nuevo:
“�Pap�, ahora me est�n buscando con linterna!”
Cows Getting It
Little Johnnie is sitting on the fence, watching a bull with two cows. The preacher walks up, and asks Johnnie what he is doing. Johnnie replies, “I’m watching that bull fuck the black cow.” The preacher, aghast at the language, tells Johnnie that he should say that the bull is going to SURPRISE the black cow.Johnnie says, “OK.” and the preacher leaves.The next day, after church, the preacher is shaking hands with all the parishioners as they leave. When Johnnie appears with his parents, the preacher kneels down, smiles, and says, “So, Johnnie, did the bull SURPRISE the black cow?”Johnnie replies, “He sure did! He fucked the white one!”